I am exhausted and my house is messy, but I am so inwardly content in a way I haven't ever been. My family is complete. Our final member came to join us on 12/14/14 at 3:25 am. It was a longer and harder labor than I anticipated, not virtually instantaneous, like DS2's amazing birth, but she was worth every pain and ache.

I had my membranes swept by my midwife on Friday afternoon, slept well that night, and expected to go into labor the next morning. I was having regular contractions ...

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This all feels like a beautiful dream. I've been happily looking at sewing patterns for bonnets and sundresses, planning to make my daughter a Waldorf weighted doll for her first birthday, looking into woven wraps (I am in LOVE with Girasols in Northern Lights and Wrapsody Bali Breeze in Luna,) and overall just planning a colorful rainbow theme for her stuff.

Her.

Her stuff. My daughter. My girl. I almost never say it out loud because it feels like I might jinx ...

I found out the my Panorama results indicated a chromosomally healthy girl on Wednesday. I shook while I was on hold with the fetal medicine specialist. She didn't volunteer the sex, so I squeaked out the question. When she said "It looks like a female," I collapsed onto the bed. I squealed with joy, I danced around the house, and I rushed to my phone to text DH and my sister.

Since Wednesday, everything's been... different. I expected for the happiness, which I've ...

I have my first ultrasound on Wednesday. I'm pretty certain my dates are right, but I want to make sure everything's okay and that there's only one in there as I'm too short (and extremely short waisted) to carry twins to term. I actually worry about that, since my mom had twins and the NICU, bedrest for the last half of a pregnancy, and all the other high-risk-with-multiples stuff scares the crap out of me.

Monday the 12th I have my Panorama draw. Then it'll be another 7-10 ...

I've been here before. I've started a pregnancy full of hope and anticipation, ready and rarin' to go. I was excited and completely unrealistic about my odds of having a baby girl. I thought my year of trying to conceive using Shettles Method would all but guarantee me a daughter. I thought the fact that I was on Vitex and taking cranberry, calcium and magnesium when I accidentally got pregnant last time (while breastfeeding, mind you!) meant my accident would be an accidental girl. Both times ...