Why do you want that dream gender, anyway?

[cravingsalt]

I was chatting with another mom on here and we got to talking about the reasons why we wanted the gender we wanted. I thought it might be interesting for us to share some of our reasons. For one, I think it would be great to read the opposite gender responses so we can be grateful for what we have and/or may end up with if our sway doesn’t work...kind of a ready-made list of why the opposite gender is not indeed a boobie-prize! It’s uplifting to read about your blessings, you know? Also curious to hear the dream-gender responses from women who hope for the same gender. Might help us feel a little less crazy. I have a feeling this gender desire of ours goes beyond the pigtails and summer dresses and handsome little mama’s boys- even beyond the vague “family balancing”, although these are some of the really obvious and understandable answers. People tend to judge swaying - but I think a lot of us have pretty darn legitimate reasons for wanting the gender you want. At least if it’s on paper and acknowledged sometimes you can face it, deal with it and move on, whether or not we end up with our DG.

Me first.

Girl! For me, I was always a bit of a tomboy and always got along better with the boys, so when I really think about it I almost wonder why I feel like I’m missing out on anything. There are the cute dresses, and sweet temperament I would hope for, the daughter I can one day shop with and have grandbabies without fearing being shunned by a DIL. There’s also the family balancing factor. I have two boys and declare myself “queen of the sausage factory” to friends and co-workers…but behind my smile, despite my amazing boys, despite all the reason I feel boys are as good as girls, I still hide a little-girl shaped hole in my heart. Why? I feared raising boys at first, not knowing how to raise a man despite having a good one at my side. I am learning the ropes pretty readily, but I find I still want to have a little girl to protect and do right by and to teach her the things I would like to have been taught. Like how to hone true self-confidence as a female. I want to pass down my mom’s recipes and ideals. Boy version resolution? I vow to protect my boys just as fiercely, and also to teach them to respect women and to have respect and love for themselves. And maybe even to cook! But well, the summer dresses – those are just something I may end up having to miss. <sigh> There. I said it. And actually, it feels a little better already.

Anyone else?

[coocoobananas]

I don't know! When I ask myself, I just don't know! I don't know if it's the because she'll be the same sex as me or because as a kid my dad always did 'boy' stuff with my brother that I couldn't go to cause I was a girl and it still hurts me and now my husband likes to go on boys camping trips... Which I appreciate and try to take advantage of but still it stings a bit. I swore whe I had a little girl I would let her shave her legs when she was ready ( my mom held me back) and when my sister had her 1st boy I bought a girl swEater and for some reason I knew I never would have one (I wasn't even close to having a kid then) so I don't know why I bought it... Maybe to keep the dream alive?
I think I'll be ok without knowing what a girl is but then their pigtails and little bathing suits draw me back in. I just want to know what it's like
Great thread idea btw

[Zivic-Bubac]

I want a boy, and I'm almost sure it's because:
-the way I was brought up
-cultural influences

Boys are more appreciated here, if you don't have at least one, you failed as a mom ( like me, for instance )
With 3 girls. DH and I are going to be easy targets for all kinds of nasty comments. Even our closest relatives have already started to share their ( unwanted and idiotic ) opinions about all girls family.

[auroara78]

I've had my little girl in my heart since I was a little girl myself.

I wore tons of dresses and refused to wear pants to school until the 6th grade! I loved my Barbie dolls and even those porcelain doll babies, and loved to dress my dolls in ball gowns and have 'beauty pagents' with them...but then I played Atari with my older brother for so many hours...and during 11th grade, I beat my Homecoming date at Mortal Kombat 2, since I had gotten so good playing it with my brother. So I had a great balanced childhood as far as indulging and learning about boy things (from my brother) but still wearing the dresses, having the princess fantasies, etc. (I loved Disney as a kid, you know, all that stuff...)

So I always felt so deeply in my bones that I would have girl(s) that having boys was a shock to my system. I just had this quiet knowledge about myself, so when I had my second son, I started to doubt that vision, and then I started to question myself: why did I really have to have this GIRL anyway? What about having a girl would complete me?

This question still strikes at me, even now that I am having my desired gender.

Of course i would be lying if I said I wasn't going to totally enjoy the girly stuff: the cute dresses, ruffles, the extra attention to cute little details that are in girl clothes. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to brushing her hair, and us having a mommy-daughter mani thing going once in a while. But mostly, I really desire a raise a strong female.

I have worked super hard to be where I am today. I have a Master's degree that I am very proud of, and despite the fact that I do work, I am super proud that I earn enough that my husband can stay home and watch the kids. I love the role reversal, and love the fact that my husband gets to show our boys that men can cook and clean too, that everyone can pitch in for the family, it doesn't always have the mother doing the cooking.

So my dreams for my desired gender is I want to raise an informed, educated young woman, and I hope she'll love reading, too. I hope we can spend hours together discussing books in the future, and that I can help her with boy problems, etc. I just really, really want to experience the mother-daughter bond, as complicated as it can be.

For my sons, who bless their heart, are so lovely and sweet and so unexpectantly what I NEEDED, I want to raise them to be strong men who are caring and intuned with what females need/want. I want my sons to be free to be them, not to be constrained by male stereotypes. My oldest son and I make dessert all the time, and I love watching him mix the ingredients together, I love how he's become my helper in the kitchen when it's my turn to cook (weekends.) I love how he tells me I'm his very best friend.

[sixhappysons]

I just want to experience raising both genders. Nothing more than that really. I'm not the most girly girl but I want to give my sons a sister, husband his little girl & to raise a daughter to compliment my fabulous sons.

[Zivic-Bubac]

I want to raise them to be strong men who are caring and intuned with what females need/want.

that is so nice of you to want to raise your sons to be good husbands and fathers one day
God knows there aren't many good man around. I was lucky to marry one, but my sister married an idiot who molested her and wanted her to have an abortion etc. and now completely neglecting his son whom he hasn't seen for over 2 years.
Sorry for rant....

Sometimes I'm so afraid will my girls marry some sort of idiot
If I ever have a son ( which is less and less likely ) I would raise him to be a gentleman and when the time comes, good and carrying husband and father.

[ThreeMenAndALAdy]

Great thread. I want my dd to have a sister. I have a sister. I don't like the idea of her having to find a "friend" to grow up with. Having friends is wonderful, I just don't want her to have to rely on that. My little girl has 3 brothers and a male cousin who's almost 15. Girls can be cruel and I worry about that as she gets older. May sound silly, but I don't have a single friend from childhood. I have many friends that I've been blessed with since I've had my children. I know there's no guarantee that they'd be close, but I'd at least like the option to have that happen. Writing this makes me want another dd even more. I'm trying to set my children up with siblings to go through life with. Family is SO important to me. I don't know where I'd be without them...

[Mochagirl]

I thought I'd already responded to this thread, but I must have typed it up then forgotten to hit 'Post'. Pregnancy brain

Anyway, I grew up the only girl in a family with 3 boys. Perhaps as a result of that, my Mom became my best friend. She's the first person I call when I have news - I sometimes even share big news with her before I share it with dh. As long as I can remember, I assumed that I'd have a little girl one day who would become my best friend. I even found a children's book recently in my childhood room called 'When I have a little girl.'

I'm fairly sure my Mom unknowingly fed into this, as I remember her always talking about the family heirlooms I could pass to my daughter some day, and I remember after my twins were born her falling in love with them immediately but saying a few days later when I told her how surprised I was that they weren't girls (we hadn't found out the gender before birth) that she really hoped I'd be able to experience having a daughter some day. She has also always told me that though she's close with all her other grandchildren (the baby I'm carrying will be #9 for her), her relationship with my kids is somehow 'different' and she feels closer to them (even though she lives 4 hours away), probably because she hasn't been afraid to step on any toes as she was with her DILs, and she's always been really hands-on, changing diapers, babysitting, etc. I want to have that relationship with my grandchildren too. Having said that, I must say she has been pretty involved with her other grandchildren too - in fact, with two of my brothers it was my Mom, not my SIL's Mom, who was the one who stayed with them to help out in the early days after the baby was born - I kept reminding myself of this when I wasn't sure if I'd ever have my girl.

Yes, I know that having a daughter is no guarantee that I'll have a good relationship with her, but as my boys get older and start getting interested in things like sports, they're gravitating more towards their Dad. I wanted at least the chance to have someone in the house who 'gets' me and what it is to be a girl/woman. To be honest, it's more the adult relationship I crave rather than the pink clothes and tea parties (though I'm looking forward to all that too).

[alreadyneedivf]

well I can do this for both because I have always been dying for both genders:

I have always wanted a boy so badly because I am super close to my dad. I was always a tomboy growing up (well maybe now still) and I LOVE sports. I so know I am in the minority here, but I actually think little boy clothes is sooo adorable. You can dress them up like little men and I just love it! Also, my sister was super dramatic, and I always thought a boy would be less dramatic. Also, I always wanted a brother growing up because I was semi awkward around boys growing up because I knew none. Oh yeah, and obviously my DH is my favorite person since I married him, so who wouldn't want a clone of him--lol.

That being said, I now want a girl because my sister and I talk to our parents everyday. I am SURE my son will too (like my husband does), but my family thinks girls are more likely to (really not sure if that's legit). Also, since moving to NYC, I have become a little more girly I guess and I would like to share shopping and manicures with a daughter (shallow I know). Haha fine and I'll say it--those headbands the girls wear are pretty cute

All of these reasons I'm sure are not true and I'm sure I'll have a tomboy girl just like myself and a son that cooks and cleans just like my hubby, but hopefully only time will tell

[Damienne]

💋