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  1. #21
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    Jany1025's Avatar
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    I have been thinking of this post for days! I know you said you are Indian/Asian can I ask what your husband is?

    The reason I keep thinking of this thread because I can totally relate...

    Here is my story,

    I am of Hispanic descent, though I look Asian (Filipino to be exact), DH is Irish American. I have tan skin, brown hair and eyes. DH has brown hair and green eyes.

    DS#1 Blond hair and Blue eyes and Fair skin
    DS#2 Brown hair and Hazel/ Light Brown eyes, light tan skin

    HT DD Brown hair and brown eyes..

    While I am still thanking the universe for DD, it was a little shocking. Why should it be because I am tan with dark features and she is a TOTAL MINI ME, BUT everyone leading up to the birth kept saying how my daughter will be blond and blue eyes and look more Irish than anything and they would say it over and over almost like this would be ideal!!

    Once she was born, I remember that first week we went to my in laws and my SIL was looking at her and said Wow she is a lot darker than the boys were! HUH?? WTF is that??? This is coming from a blond blue eyed woman who had a tan dark hair dark eyed daughter as she married a Guatemalen immigrant!! Seriously!!

    A few weeks later my mom came over with her friend, my mothers friend is holding the baby and says to the baby "what happened? you were supposed to have GREEN eyes!! What an ass!

    Two months later my mom is looking at her and says lets see her what color her eyes will be and says to me SORRY they will brown! WTF?? SORRY? like she has a birth defect??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I can't take ignorant people!!

    I remember growing up all of my "white" friends would rub tons and tons of baby oil on and tan all day long, I had friends with orange hands as they would douse themselves with self tanning lotion lol!!

    Our girls are BEAUTIFUL they are Exotic beauties with a natural tan!!
    Last edited by Jany1025; January 1st, 2015 at 04:27 PM.
    2 Boys 6 & 9 yrs old 6 year old IVF and has NF1 - PGD to test for NF1 and Gender

    Cycle #1-August 2010-Transferred 1 Girl= BFN
    Cycle #2- Nov 2010- No Unaffected Females to Transfer No Unaffected Males to Freeze
    Cycle# 3- May 2011- 5 Fertilized --Frozen on Day 2 to Batch with Next Cycle
    Cycle #4- June 2011- Transferred 3 Girls=-BFN
    Cycle#5- September 2011-- Day 5 Biopsy-- Grade A Hatched Blastocyst Girl= BFN
    Cycle #6- Different Doctor-Dr Braverman January 2012-Transferred 3 Girls=BFN
    Cycle #7-April 2012 Transferred 6 Girls =BFN
    Cycle #8-July 2012 Transferred 3 Girls=BFN--WTF!
    Cycle #9-October 2012 Transferred 2 Girls- Beta-=13 Chemical Pregnancy...

    April 2013- 40 yrs old- New RE- SIRM-NYC/Westchester- Transferred 2 Girl Blasts & 2 Girl Morulas= BFP!!!!

    April 2015- 42 yrs old- SIRM- 1 Girl Transferred- BFP!!

    Samantha 12/17/13 8pounds 3oz


    Ava 12/28/15 8pounds 4oz


    My Miracle..http://genderdreaming.com/forum/ht-f...acle-here.html

  2. Thanks Cauliflower thanked for this post
  3. #22
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    I am Indian. 1st generation in America. I'm darker than my fairer handsome brothers. My mom would try to convince me to lighten my face skin so ppl would want to marry me.
    My aunts would tell me to stay out of the sun and criticize me after a fun summer (bc I'd get so tan).
    On Indian marriage websites some of the criteria u can choose is skin color: fair, wheatish, dark.
    I don't know why in Asian cultures white is better, well western cultures too.
    Despite all that it didn't affect THAT part of my self image (I was always more concerned with weight).
    But when I married my olive toned (lighter than me) Italian, and my kids came out all mixed, I would notice how ppl who cared about that gave more attention to the lighter child. It's funny that DD2 has the lightest hair and skin (even lighter than DH) and ignorant ppl always say she looks JUST like her daddy. Which is SO not true!!!! All her features are MINE just a lighter "shell" as u guys say.
    The quality ppl in our lives tell me she looks like me.
    My family is VERY much like urs, ignorant about what's impt in life. If I ever heard a comment like that, I would just flat out say I am not ashamed of my daughter. Her life is precious and it's her health and her happiness that matters. Desi ppl don't believe in happiness. They only think in terms of status and money. So u may not be able to change them but u can repeat urself over and over to shut them down until at least they keep their mouths shut.
    Last edited by gizmo77; January 1st, 2015 at 04:31 PM.

    Polpectomy/Hysteroscopy complete (2 polyps)
    June ER @ HRC
    30 retrieved, 24 mature, 23 fertilized, 17 to biopsy, 5 normal, 2xy!, 1 transferred, 1 frozen
    HB seen at 6w4d!

    I can't believe I did this!

    My HT son
    My family is complete. Baby fever resolved!

  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nahri View Post
    See cauliflower you can say she takes after grams The ad from India you mentioned reminded me of another one. Aishwarya Rai poses for a lot of ads in her own country and in the US. Her skin tone is beautiful without adding all the makeup to lighten her up but yet you look at her in most of her ads and she looks white. They do a lot of the same to actors in bollywood movies if they are in staring roles! It looks like they were dunked in a vat of flour to get that much desired lighter tone. Like girlfriend said people always want what they dont have and think the other side of the fence is greener. Darker skin tones wanting to be lighter and the pasty complected are hitting the tanning booths to try to be darker. Its our job to continue teaching the future generations that these things dont matter they just make us special. My husband can tan but me being a redhead I just fry in the sun til I look like a lobster LOL. I got picked on growing up for being TOO white... Everyone always has something to say!
    Nahri I was so certain you were Indian, up until I read the last sentence, lol! You know so much about Bollywood
    You are right, we need to teach the next generation not to judge people by thir appearebce or color, starting with myself. After I started this thread and after reading all the responses, I have noticed a change in myself. I am looking at my baby for whi she is not what color she is! And she is beautiful, so thank you all! Hugs!
    Happy mom of two beautiful boyz
    2007 2009

    Prayed and Swayed 2013 (PP)
    My babygirl was born 19 april 2014




  5. #24
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    Cauliflower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jany1025 View Post
    I have been thinking of this post for days! I know you said you are Indian/Asian can I ask what your husband is?

    The reason I keep thinking of this thread because I can totally relate...

    Here is my story,

    I am of Hispanic descent, though I look Asian (Filipino to be exact), DH is Irish American. I have tan skin, brown hair and eyes. DH has brown hair and green eyes.

    DS#1 Blond hair and Blue eyes and Fair skin
    DS#2 Brown hair and Hazel/ Light Brown eyes, light tan skin

    HT DD Brown hair and brown eyes..

    Our girls are BEAUTIFUL they are Exotic beauties with a natural tan!!
    Hello dear,
    My husband and I are both asian/indian. From same country. He is a bit darker than me, but lighter When he was baby.

    I am sorry that you have to hear that. The only thing they should be telling you is how lucky you are to get your DD! But unfortunately, some people think it is their job to point out what is NOT perfect in other ppls lives. I am sure your DD is beautiful as she is. We have to see the person behind thesť "shells".
    After all we wished for a healthy DD and that is what we got! I am sure once we get to know the persons inside, we will love everything about them even their color

    If it is your DDs picture, for me she is just perfect!
    And I can totally relate to you abt the expectations. And it might be even tougher for you because of the options! I mean for me it only meant one shade darker.

    I am not letting these ignorant people make me think that there is something wrong with her.
    Yes, our DDs have perfect olive skin many could only dream of ))
    Happy mom of two beautiful boyz
    2007 2009

    Prayed and Swayed 2013 (PP)
    My babygirl was born 19 april 2014




  6. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by gizmo77 View Post
    I am Indian. 1st generation in America. I'm darker than my fairer handsome brothers. My mom would try to convince me to lighten my face skin so ppl would want to marry me.
    My aunts would tell me to stay out of the sun and criticize me after a fun summer (bc I'd get so tan).
    On Indian marriage websites some of the criteria u can choose is skin color: fair, wheatish, dark.
    I don't know why in Asian cultures white is better, well western cultures too.
    Despite all that it didn't affect THAT part of my self image (I was always more concerned with weight).
    But when I married my olive toned (lighter than me) Italian, and my kids came out all mixed, I would notice how ppl who cared about that gave more attention to the lighter child. It's funny that DD2 has the lightest hair and skin (even lighter than DH) and ignorant ppl always say she looks JUST like her daddy. Which is SO not true!!!! All her features are MINE just a lighter "shell" as u guys say.
    The quality ppl in our lives tell me she looks like me.
    My family is VERY much like urs, ignorant about what's impt in life. If I ever heard a comment like that, I would just flat out say I am not ashamed of my daughter. Her life is precious and it's her health and her happiness that matters. Desi ppl don't believe in happiness. They only think in terms of status and money. So u may not be able to change them but u can repeat urself over and over to shut them down until at least they keep their mouths shut.
    You are so right about desi people judging each other only by status and money! Nice to meet you someone who shares the same experience.
    My DD has my festures, but yes bcz my special feature is light colored skin, no one says she looks like me! How annoying!
    Happy mom of two beautiful boyz
    2007 2009

    Prayed and Swayed 2013 (PP)
    My babygirl was born 19 april 2014




  7. #26
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    Jany you are both gorgeous!

    Cauliflower, your daughter is precious. I want to tell you about one of my close friends from high school - whom I still keep in touch with, bc like me she moved to Europe after growing up mostly in the US. Her father is a very tall, lean/athletic blond haired, blue eyed German and her mother is Mexican but with very pale skin, curly black hair, brown eyes and a short, round/plump body. My friend has MUCH darker skin than either parent, so much so she doesn't look remotely related if you look just at her skin colour, which is the same shade brown as your daughter's. Even her brother is pale skinned, he looks exactly like a male version of their mother both body & face. My friend has brown eyes and medium-dark, straight brown hair but she's tall like her father and has his very regular, chiseled facial features.

    She was and is one of the most beautiful girls/women I have EVER seen - model beautiful, but too naturally curvy (in a good way) to be a runway model. Always she's had her pick of men and she is very successful in all her endeavors, both bc she is smart and so charismatic. I even had a little crush on her in high school - I could just stare at her beauty endlessly - and I'm heterosexual, she's the only girl I have ever found so enchanting and appealing, she just has this magic about her that always makes her the center of all attention. At 32 she is still incredible looking, and also happy, living a great life. I wish the same for your daughter!

    Btw, I myself am quite pale and have always been attracted to pale men, I do even have a paleness obsession - but still, my friend is more beautiful to me than nearly all pale people on the planet.
    Last edited by maidentomother; January 1st, 2015 at 06:45 PM.

    My Ovulation Chart
    currently TTC, Cycle #16 since last BFP

    TTC #1 - swaying pink on & off since Nov 2013 - hoping for a girl first but excited for either!

    Dec 2001 - May 2006 : 5 early abortions of healthy singletons (3 medical @5w, 2 surgical @8w, last 4 pregnancies conceived with late DH, all conceived while TTA/on birth control)
    Mar 2012: miscarried B/G twins @5w (conceived 2 cycles after removžng Paraguard copper IUD while NTNP), one twin was ovarian ectopic

    Me: 34, widowed, late O + short LP, normal-good hormone levels excepting undetectable testosterone, seeking a known sperm donor/life partner
    My sway: vegetarian LE for over 28w, skipping breakfast, fibre (ground psyllium husks) with/before/between meals, physically inactive, drama avoidance, ocassional minimal YesBaby lube as needed, alternate cycles on low dose Clomid, double shot lattes (with meals)
    Past sway tactics I've dropped (in order): Vitex, Sudafed, antihistamines, intermittent fasting, one attempt per cycle at positive OPK, one attempt in fertile period

  8. #27
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    I read this earlier today and was thinking about it and felt sad because appearently in this world the lighter you are, the better. And you were brought up in that world, thinking you'd rather have a light skinned child, because it would be easier for them to cope. I can somewhat understand the impact of this on your life, just somewhat ever so slightly. As a white female I haven't had the challenges many of my coloured friends have dealt with, but I've seen it when I was dating a beautiful coloured man years ago. Racism comes in so many ways, it was horrible. I read not so long ago in a few hundred years everyone will have about the same skin, hair and eyecolour, as dark colours are stronger than light colours, so there is hope for all of us that one day we will all be the same

    As to your personal struggle: when I was pregnant with my daughter, I always pictured her like me: brown curly hair and green eyes. Sadly I've been deprived of watching her grow up so I will never know, but when my sons were born I was very surprised. They were blonde! My first son being an exact copy of my husband (no really, we totally pressed CTRL+C and CTRL+V and my son came rolling out like a clone) and my second son is me, except with blonde hair. They're obviously brothers, yet so different at the same time. And so I found myself having to create a new idea of what my daughter would have looked like. Probably not dark haired, but blonde. Maybe with curls like my eldest or without them like my youngest. Probably green, grey or blue eyes. And maybe that's why I yearn for a daughter so much. I want that question answered. And if she comes out completely different, Let's say with red hair and grey eyes, I would have to adjust to the idea I've had of her. And maybe worry if people would judge her because of her red hair. And I guess that's slightly similar of what you're experiencing right now. Am I making any sense? Maybe we should let go of our dreams we have of our children, as they will always find a way to surprise us and they have the right to be who ever they want to be. Not just by how they look, act or dress, but with every life decision they make. And as a parent we will not always be happy with that. Not saying that you would, but I know I would, I'm kind of a controll-freak. Not really sure how to protect our hearts from that, from dreaming about what our children will be like in a certain way. It would make GD and life in general so much easier.

    Oh and by the way, had I made babies with my ex, they would have been gorgeous. They would have had his skin and hair and my eyes. Lol. Now I've done it again haha. But my ex was not meant to be, my husband is an absolute winner whom I made gorgeous bubbas with and so did you, just gorgeous and perfect I bet!
    Mummy to a girl, born sleeping & two gorgeous & loud little boys

  9. #28
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    Thank you Dana-Alicia for writing to me. I wish I could express myself as good as you just did!
    I think I am still in denial, or maybe surprised, not adjusted to the idea that she would be so dark. Am I ever going to get used to it? Am I just imagining that this is the first thing everyone noticed?

    I met up with a friend the other day and her daughter looks very much like DD, except that she is very fair. So I said, they are so similar except for the skincolor, she looked surprised and said, I think they are the same colour too!

    On facebook I have gone through pictures of every friend of mine and their kids to see what colour the kids had inherited. I found fair parent with darker kid and dark parents with fair-colored kids...

    it is okay, I will get used to it! I just need to remind myself of how lucky I am! And she os perfect for me and my husband. We dont care, really....we only see our beloved daughter!
    Happy mom of two beautiful boyz
    2007 2009

    Prayed and Swayed 2013 (PP)
    My babygirl was born 19 april 2014




  10. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cauliflower View Post
    Thank you Dana-Alicia for writing to me. I wish I could express myself as good as you just did!
    I think I am still in denial, or maybe surprised, not adjusted to the idea that she would be so dark. Am I ever going to get used to it? Am I just imagining that this is the first thing everyone noticed?

    I met up with a friend the other day and her daughter looks very much like DD, except that she is very fair. So I said, they are so similar except for the skincolor, she looked surprised and said, I think they are the same colour too!

    On facebook I have gone through pictures of every friend of mine and their kids to see what colour the kids had inherited. I found fair parent with darker kid and dark parents with fair-colored kids...

    it is okay, I will get used to it! I just need to remind myself of how lucky I am! And she os perfect for me and my husband. We dont care, really....we only see our beloved daughter!
    I saw you had posted an Avatar pic with you and her next to each other and HONESTLY I didn't notice any difference in fact I LOVED her complexion, So I posted of a pic of DD and myself but I took it down when I saw you took yours off! LOL!!

    I remembered after posting that one of my best friends went through this after her second child a daughter was born, my friend is white and her DH is light skinned black, I called her after her birth and one of the first words to me was "she is so much darker than my son" and she wasn't joking either very solemn almost saddened..and I thought HUH?? What is wrong with her?? But I get it, sometimes things don't come as we expect as she was a little shocked.. 7 years later I see no difference in color and she is absolutely gorgeous!

    Enjoy your beautiful girl!
    2 Boys 6 & 9 yrs old 6 year old IVF and has NF1 - PGD to test for NF1 and Gender

    Cycle #1-August 2010-Transferred 1 Girl= BFN
    Cycle #2- Nov 2010- No Unaffected Females to Transfer No Unaffected Males to Freeze
    Cycle# 3- May 2011- 5 Fertilized --Frozen on Day 2 to Batch with Next Cycle
    Cycle #4- June 2011- Transferred 3 Girls=-BFN
    Cycle#5- September 2011-- Day 5 Biopsy-- Grade A Hatched Blastocyst Girl= BFN
    Cycle #6- Different Doctor-Dr Braverman January 2012-Transferred 3 Girls=BFN
    Cycle #7-April 2012 Transferred 6 Girls =BFN
    Cycle #8-July 2012 Transferred 3 Girls=BFN--WTF!
    Cycle #9-October 2012 Transferred 2 Girls- Beta-=13 Chemical Pregnancy...

    April 2013- 40 yrs old- New RE- SIRM-NYC/Westchester- Transferred 2 Girl Blasts & 2 Girl Morulas= BFP!!!!

    April 2015- 42 yrs old- SIRM- 1 Girl Transferred- BFP!!

    Samantha 12/17/13 8pounds 3oz


    Ava 12/28/15 8pounds 4oz


    My Miracle..http://genderdreaming.com/forum/ht-f...acle-here.html

  11. #30
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    Cauliflower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jany1025 View Post
    I saw you had posted an Avatar pic with you and her next to each other and HONESTLY I didn't notice any difference in fact I LOVED her complexion, So I posted of a pic of DD and myself but I took it down when I saw you took yours off! LOL!!

    I remembered after posting that one of my best friends went through this after her second child a daughter was born, my friend is white and her DH is light skinned black, I called her after her birth and one of the first words to me was "she is so much darker than my son" and she wasn't joking either very solemn almost saddened..and I thought HUH?? What is wrong with her?? But I get it, sometimes things don't come as we expect as she was a little shocked.. 7 years later I see no difference in color and she is absolutely gorgeous!

    Enjoy your beautiful girl!
    Jany, lolz, I thought I took it down at once, but you saw it I wish I had seen yours, now thats unfair, you have to post it again I also noticed very little difference on that pic, so I did not want to seen ridicolous posting it...lol pluss, I did not want to seem obsessed! But I am glad I started this thread
    Happy mom of two beautiful boyz
    2007 2009

    Prayed and Swayed 2013 (PP)
    My babygirl was born 19 april 2014




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