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  1. #11
    Swaying Advice Coach
    atomic sagebrush's Avatar
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    Dec 2010
    Eastern Washington State, USA
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    EXACTLY! I had a lot of people tell me (because my husband and I didn't marry till after my son was born) "oh you'll never keep him that way" or whatever. No one realized I wanted a boy for my own reasons.

    I know my husband had a lot of anxiety over having a daughter. He was like "I don't know how to do that."
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  3. #12
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    Aug 2015
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sora View Post
    I would say the same as atomic and the others. In some countries, especially western (Europe in particular) you are heavily shamed for wanting a boy. It is seen as unnatural for a woman to want the opposite gender. You're supposed to want a mini-me.

    The first thing people will say is along the lines of "Aren't you afraid ? Boys are so violent, so inclined towards war, rape and murder..." (thanks a lot to the feminazis btw).

    Then they say "Don't you want a girl you will mold into your own image ? Don't you want female company in your house ? Your husband is enough of a male presence, right ? Don't you want someone to do stuff with ? To talk about, oh idk, whatever you girls like to talk about ?".

    And then they say "Why would you want a boy rather than a girl (or why aren't you happy with only your girls) ? Is it possible that... you hate girls ? Do you want them to disappear ? Will you kill the next baby if it isn't a girl, like these despicable all-male countries ? Are you planning to abandonn/murder your daughters if and when you get your son ? That must be it ! You're so inhuman and disgusting !"

    The French medias sometimes tackle the subject of swaying and you always, always get these sort of reactions. On the French forums, you can't talk quietly talk about it without getting swarmed by couples who have both/infertile couples calling you horrible names and claiming you're a serial-killer who drink the blood of little baby girls and so on and you don't deserve to be fertile... The blue swayers have it especially hard. The pink ones are a bit more spared. Once they say they don't have a daughter, it's all "Ooooh poor thing, I understand, it must be so terrible to be all alone in a sea of blue XY's ! Well, swaying is not natural but a woman's need for a daughter is so... Let's say we will look the other way for now, okay ?".

    I think that's why you get that ratio of more pink than blue. There are many blue swayers, it's just that they are afraid of speaking about it, even with the constant support of pink swayers. Weeks, months, years of being called abnormal and a baby-killer will do that to you, even when you find a safe place such as here. Also, language barrier. Most websites are in english at the very least and some countries are notoriously bad at it. If only they could master the language, I guess we would hear of more blue swayers than we have until now...
    so true!!
    here in the UK its the same, girls are the trophy gender, when someone has a girl its like they've won the lottery, if you have a boy its seen as a bad thing "oh poor her" etc.. when i had my youngest baby (a boy after 2 girls in a row) even my midwife reacted negatively, i had been team green and when she found out it was a boy she acted really disappointed, it was so obvious!! we also received absolutely nothing for him from friends/family (same with our older boys).
    I dont expect cards or gifts at all but with both our girls the house was full of cards and flowers and when our second living girl (DD3) arrived i even got sent long handwritten letters from some family members about how special sisters are and how amazing it was that id had 2 girls in a row, it was as if id achieved something incredible in having the girls but clearly the boys/brothers are not worth anything.
    There is no celebration around boys, even midwives have commented on my "beautiful" "precious" "divine" baby girls but say nothing positive towards my boys, only the usual "oh..its a boy" "typical lazy/greedy boy" "another boy..good luck!!" (said while pulling a disgusted face) I can only imagine the negativity openly wanting a boy would bring
    now 5blue3pink after 2 GD sways and currently with our 3rd sway baby xx

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  5. #13
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    LMSM's Avatar
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    Gah, why people can’t just celebrate bringing healthy little humans (that happen to be all boys or girls) to the world!!?
    I find it’s moreso the women that project their insecurities on me,personally...I have had nothing but lovely comments from men ( bar my FIL..he is a different category all together!).
    I got a fair bit of “stuff”/ support for my eldest..everyone was happy because we’d had tried so long to have a baby, that eclipsed the gender..but already on girl #2 ( whose gender we did not reveal), man, the comments, the lack of interest...
    On girl #3, it was clear people (bar a few close family members or friends)did not give a rats ars* and she got virtually no “welcome” , she was “just ANOTHER girl”, as if I had just bought another toy - she surely wouldn’t “need” anything because she is the THIRD girl.
    That mentality reallllyyy broke me, ruining the joy of my pregnancy when I was already battling GD.
    The pigeon pair seems to be the epitome of the perfect family- and I was made feeling I’ve nit producing a male offspring ( I could be “forgiven “ popping one or two girls but come on, by the third,surely I would have it worked out.. surely I was due to give my husband (who could not care less about gender)his son- “poor him”, he must be terrified, only need to change husband m you need to find a new technique clearly..and so on). Our family is mostly French and the pigeon pair mentality is deeply ingrained I find...pity, mockery, ensue when you announce you have *god forbid* three girls. From shop assistants (in front of my kids!!!) to relatives and anyone’s in between.
    However, even here in Australia I have flocked so many comments it’s ridiculous... I tend to shut them down now, instead of ignoring...especially because I will not tolerate comments in front of my children - reminding people of the idiocy of their unsolicited comments helps :P

    Anyhoo, team green for the win next event! Lol
    Lucky Mummy to 3 adorable princesses
    (07/2013) (09/2015) (03/2018)
    Our sway didnít work for #3 - but we love her to bits... still hoping we might add blue to the crew, to complete our family - TTC blue early 2020?

    Will take any and all available blue dust,please

    Chart for DD#3:
    My Ovulation Chart

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  7. #14
    Big Dreamer
    Sora's Avatar
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    May 2018
    Paris, France
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    4blue2pink : About the lack of enthusiasm past the first or second child, I've heard the same complaints from pigeon pairs/purple family. My guess is it has more to do with number than gender at this point. More than getting boy/girl, what is even more ingrained in our countries is the picture of a "normal" family of only 4 people (3 if you are a good girl and wants to save the planet ). 5 is pushing it, more and you're perceived as mentally unstable. Even in more open families, it seems the excitement and novelty wears off after the first child and the mother is left alone for future pregnancies, because "now she knows how to do it... booriing !".

    LMSM : You've got "poor him" ? On our side, DH has got nothing but compliments : he is "the king, surrounded by princesses" ! It's crazy ! I thought some would pity him for not having a boy but on the contrary, his coworkers admire and envy him ! I'm a bit bothered actually by the weird subtext in all these comments. It sounds like we're talking about the chief of some harem, surrounded by women at his beck and call, not the head of a family.
    As for me it depends... On one hand I do feel some smug pity emanating from people, like "The others pop pigeon pairs with their eyes closed. Why can't that one do the same ?" but on the other hand, I'm told I'm lucky because "Girls are soft and pacifists at the core ! Boys more often than not turn towards a life of crime and strife. It's so great you won't have to raise a delinquent !" "Plus, there are too much males in the world already ! Think about all the women killed each day by these brutes ! Your girls compensate for their deaths ! Thanks to you and other pink moms, men will not win this one !"
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

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