3 kids close together, would you do it?

[ThroughWithBlue]

Hi! I don't know where else to post this, hope this is the right spot... I have no friends in real life I would ask this question to, they'd definately judge the swaying aspect or think I'm crazy LOL

So, I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old, both are boys. 2 year old has a speech delay and 1 year old is very attached to me, he's like a third limb. If we got pregnant this year, that would make a 3 and 2 year old and a newborn. Having 2 back to back was NOT planned, I will swear to the day I die DH got me pregnant on purpose, having 2 so close was never my plan. I was planning on swaying when ODS was 1 so I am still pretty resentful over having to wait SO much longer than planned due to DH's "oops" while I was switching BC pills. Hence why I really really really want to sway now. I'm so sick of waiting and feeling that opportunity was taken from me.
BUT in my head I think, 3, 2 and a newborn, could I do that? DH doesn't help me with the kids or house, and is literally always gone either at work or training at the gym, so I know it'd be rough. But, then I think, ok if I wait and just get more resentful, that won't be good. And if I wait for what 1-2 more years (honestly don't think I could but if I did) then I would have a 4, 3 and newborn or 5, 4 and newborn. I would think that wouldn't be any easier.

thanks for reading this, I just really don't know what to do. Whether to wait or not. I really don't feel like waiting will do me any good, because as the boys get older things just get even harder with them, but I haven't ever had a 3 and 2 year old or a 4 and 3. Looking for advice from someone who has BTDT who may/may not have done things different.

Also, we are only mid twenties. We don't HAVE to rush things due to age but I'm busting at the seams to at least try for a DD.

[applesoup]

My boys are 2, 4, & 6...and we have a little girl due in June.

Three thoughts:

1. Kids become "easier" when they're able to do more things for themselves. Potty trained, getting dressed, training them to help around the house...so plan accordingly.

2. What if baby #3 is a boy? I know that hearing boy #3 was really hard for me to swallow--and it may make you feel more "trapped" if you have 3 so close together & no hope of having a 4th...or any more to try for a girl.

3. I'm regretting the every 2 year pattern due to school issues. It seems like I'm going to have the horrible schedule of 1/2 day Kindergarten + kid in preschool for the long distance future.

If I were doing it over again, I would've postponed number 3 a little longer...to 3 years & then had the last 2 together. But, if you're only having 3 kids, then having them closer together is the way to go...in my opinion.

Hope this helps.

[sjbroadley]

Personally I'd go for it of its what you want! I mean either way it's going to be challenge whatever the children's age, each age group comes with its own set of worries and difficulties,
I'm expecting my third now(unplanned) although hoping for a girl, and I'll have a 2 year 6 months old an 11 month old and newborn!


Tap-atalking on my IPhone!

[ThroughWithBlue]

Thanks for the opinions. Right, when they are potty trained it will be much easier. I'm just so ready for them to bathe themselves lol. I know that's SO far down the road but gosh I absolutely loathe bathtimes.

DH has said before I have 2 tries for a girl, and I hold him to that. As long as he gets to basically live at the gym he won't care lol I deal with it all kid-wise anyway.

If my 1st sway failed and I had a boy, I'd have to wait at least 3 years probably til DH would be willing to give in to that 4th. Whether #3 was born right this second or 5 years from now, I know it'd take at least 3 years to get him ready again lol. Guess I may go ahead, I'm just scared of 3, 3 years and under lol

[nini]

My first son is from a previous relationship, so I wont count him into the sibling constellation as such as he is 8 yrs older than my 2nd son. My ds2 and dd are 16 months apart and this baby if all goes well will be 21 months apart from my dd. I absolutely LOVE it. I have no family nearby, and initially I was worried I wouldnt cope. I got myself an au pair shortly before dd was born only to tell her to leave 2 months later as I simply didnt want to be disturbed by other people as I LOVED being with my babies so much. I do get help cleaning though. I have a cleaner that comes in once a week or now every 2nd week, which is great. I really dont think it matters that much whether you change 2 nappies or 1, my son was potty trained when he was just over 2years, but becasue winter was extremely cold I did put him into a nappy when going outdoors, he is now fully potty trained, but I really didnt mind having 2 kids in nappies. I just had them both sleeping in my room, which I LOVED as well Its a bit chaotic around the house, but I think my house wouldnt be super neat if they were 3 yrs apart either.... I think it will be lovely when they are older, we can really do stuff together, whereas my friends that have a3-5 yr age gap between their kids always have to take them to differnet activities etc.

[HappyLea]

Hi i have 3 boys one is DS1 5 DS2 nearly 4 (18months gap) and DS3 nearly 2 (2 year gap) and now expecting baby #4 (2.5 year gap)

I think if you have a routine then you can do it. Dont get me wrong at times it is hard work and i just want to lock myself in a room on my own sometimes, but who doesnt?? No matter what age gap or how many kids you have??

All my kids go to bed by 7pm and sleep through and that time is me time and i can chill.

I really think it is how you bring them up as my sister has 3 kids now 8, 6 and nearly 4 and she let them run riot and they have never had a routine from day one and they run rings around her, paddy all the time trash their bedroom and only go to bed when they want like 11pm - 12pm and she finds it hard to cope.

If you think you are ready then go for it, its so nice to see them all playing together. Good Luck with your decision x

[ThroughWithBlue]

nini, I have no family nearby too, and no real babysitter either. I probably only get a babysitter once a year as I don't find anybody I truly trust.
HappyLea I totally love what you said, in it's how you raise them. I keep a pretty tight schedule as is, i just dont want my other 2 to feel unloved if I have another baby but I guess I'll feel that way 10 years from now too lol.

[Waiting4Daisy]

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[nuthinbutpink]

I would not. There's just no way to enjoy number 3 with a 3 and 2 year old. I do think 4 and 3+ would be substantially easier. I think 3 is a good age where you can begin to rationalize with them and they understand what waiting a minute means while you tend to baby.

I think our babies need time to be babies and feel like they are the center of our world for a bit before they must adjust. I think spacing just a bit reduces some of the competition between siblings though not all.

What I have learned with my 4 is that a lot of it depends on the temperament and personality of the new baby. My number 3 was easy. Not a big adjustment. Number 4 has been a doozie and very difficult. Without my DH's help I would have been on Meds or lost my mind. No support is hard no matter what the ages but having 3 babies would be hard no matter what.

You're very young and you do have lots of time.

[pebmcpd7]

One more makes no differene, mine are ages 11, 10, 9, 5, 4 and 2 next month. There is 14mths between my first two and 15mths between 2 and 3. there is 13mths between the 5 and 4 yr old.