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Essence I am so sorry about what you have been dealing with! I think you should try to tell your DH that you all have experienced a lot and you would really appreciate it if he would push back going for a vasectomy. You won't pressure him to TTC you just want everyone to have some time to think about things. Then just hope that in a few weeks or months time that he feels OK with TTC. I think a vasectomy is so final and you are still so young. Big big hugs to you,and I am really thinking of you and hoping things change.
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Essence I've been trying to come up with some sort of wise & inspirational post. I've got nothing. It all just sucks. My husband said no more kids too. He was absolutely adament. I sold/gave away most of the baby things because looking at them broke my heart & then 2 months later he said let's do it. Sometimes I think men exist just to piss us off!!
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I think he is afraid of you going through the same thing again. Men cannot deal with these things and I think some of them shut off all feelings to cope. Also they of course are sad and upset, but just don't get it. Maybe if you explain that you don't want your last pregnancy to be one that ended like this one did, that you want your last pregnancy to be one that is happy and gives you your last baby? Xxx
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essnce I am happy to hear you are recovering well!
As far as the situation with your DH, I really think you must not TTC against his will, because if you actually get a BFP it will possibly not be something celebrated by your DH and I fear that it will bring negative feelings into your wedding and this hypothetical pregnancy.
My advice is to explain to your DH that motherhood is a very sensitive issue for any woman, that a woman must not be deprived of it cause it is our nature and purpose, that you are willing to wait some time for him to sort out his feelings of a 3rd child, that him having a vasectomy against your will is something that will make you miserable and possibly in the future create problems in your marriage and that you don't want this to happen and other similar stuff that you know best (these are what I would say to my DH).
It is very important when you'll talk to him to be in a loving manner, cause men never really grow up and need to feel they are loved by us like their mothers do, and ask of him to write on a piece of paper what his fears are, so that you can see them on paper and take them away with reasonable arguments.
I really hope from the bottom of my heart that you will be able to reason with your DH and be happy!
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I'm sorry it's still a struggle essence. Hopefully time will work on your side and DH will have time to heal and accept you would like another child. It must be hard to not feel on the same page :(
And thanks for the wisdom ladies. I am going to ask my doc this week if she has any specific exercises and/or tricks for managing hip pain. Sometimes, I think I am just being a sissy this time around. Lol.
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Hi ladies, I need some advice.... My 19 week scan is coming up in three weeks and I have already started to stress. WISH WISH I didn't care about gender but I do. My DH does not know I swayed and actively wants another boy, he is pretty insensitive to my GD.
Okay dilemma .... I told DH I wanted to find out as I had some girl guesses on my 13 week scan (we were going to be team green).
Do I find out the gender at the appointment and risk me bursting into tears and him gloating.... Or do I ask the sonographer to write it down and find out the gender privately afterwards?? Risk then being I haven't seen 'the goods'
Any input welcome!!
Xx
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P.s no elective gender scans here in N.Z so that option is out otherwise I would do that without him and then Pretend I didn't know....sorry for my ramble!!
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That's such a hard question Kitkat because I can only speak from my perspective within my own family dynamic & where I think I would be emotionally. So with that in mind, if we had decided to be Team Green but I wanted to find out in secret I would ask the sonographer to write it down. Then on my next day off work (I work 3 days so I'm home with DS2 for 2 days a week) I would drop DS1 at school, come home, settle DS2 in front of the TV (I know, mother of the year right?!) & open my envelope. Would give me a long day to cry if I needed to or deal with the initial excitement before DH came home & then I could pretend I still didn't know (well attempt to, I'm a hopeless actress). That's how I would do it I think, but only you know if that would work in your situation. Good luck!
xx
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Thanks Primal! Sorry I should have been clearer I am a rambler!!
We are both finding out at the 19 week scan there is no way he would let me do it without him I just wasn't sure if we should find out gender in the actual scan, see the potty shot etc, or ask the sonographer to write it down and we then find out together at home or out at lunch.
Thoughts? Xx
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Kitkat If I was in your shoes I would probably request the answer in an envelope and open it when I would be home.
I would also ask the tech to give me a picture of the "goodies" so that I could stare at them as much as I want at home.
I don't think you are going to burst into tears though...I think you are going to dance your way out of the exam room!!