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  1. #21
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    Ladies, how do you do this after multiple miscarriages? I am so anxious and nervous and analyzing ALL OF THE THINGS. I worry about not feeling all of the symptoms, check the paper every single time I go, and just generally microscoping every detail. Please if anyone has any helpful advice on how to deal?!


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  3. #22
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    Therapy? Haha. But really -- I'm going regularly as always, but it's been hard. I feel ok after each scan for maybe 2 days... then I'm right back to panicking and anxious.

    I honestly just keep trying to distract myself. The lack of symptoms for me helps this, even when it also makes me stress. We realized for me that the prednisone they have me on *just in case* we were dealing with an immune issue for loss, is why I have no nausea. But I barely have breast pain (seriously 5 seconds a day maybe!), no fatigue, etc., no food aversions, and so on. If I wasn't having what I swear is some early round ligament pain, or hadn't seen two scans, I would be questioning if I was pregnant!!

    I think the best we can do is rant and lean on each other here!

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  5. #23
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    Oh girl, just answering me helped tremendously. Knowing I’m not alone in this is huge! That makes sense with the prednisone. I’m on Prometrium now since my progesterone was on the lower side of normal. Just in case. I think talking to someone is a great idea. I may call around or even ask a couple of friends if I can’t just talk when needed. This board helps so much too! Thank you!


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  7. #24
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    Hannah that's fab news your numbers doubled! Honestly I didn't allow myself to believe I was going to keep my last pregnancy until after my 12w scan and results from NIPT came back all clear. I kept expecting to see blood every damn time I went to the toilet and could not stop myself checking each time. I'm pretty sure I continued doing so until well into the pregnancy lol. I think by about 18 weeks or so I finally started to relax and feel confident. It may take time but give yourself a break, it's ok to worry and have fears. Just try and not let them overwhelm you. In time you will start letting go of the fear and anxiety but it'll happen when you're ready

    Tp what a beatiful sight I'm so very happy for you! One of those heart swelling moments seeing your post
    Last edited by Pbn3; May 20th, 2018 at 05:26 AM.

  8. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pbn3 View Post
    Hannah that's fab news your numbers doubled! Honestly I didn't allow myself to believe I was going to keep my last pregnancy until after my 12w scan and results from NIPT came back all clear. I kept expecting to see blood every damn time I went to the toilet and could not stop myself checking each time. I'm pretty sure I continued doing so until well into the pregnancy lol. I think by about 18 weeks or so I finally started to relax and feel confident. It may take time but give yourself a break, it's ok to worry and have fears. Just try and not let them overwhelm you. In time you will start letting go of the fear and anxiety but it'll happen when you're ready

    Tp what a beatiful sight I'm so very happy for you! One of those heart swelling moments seeing your post
    This is definitely me so far! DH caught me inspecting my toilet paper after a wee and looked sort of sad/laughing, and I just said, "I'm going to be doing this awhile!!"

    And thank you Pb It means a lot to me that you guys on here are rooting for me and this baby! The few close friends I told meant well, but had some pretty cruel comments since I've had so much loss :/ Definitely haven't told family yet.

    You were Team Green right?? But did NIPT? Could you share what you did, since I think I'm going to go the same route of NIPT for health but avoiding gender until birth.

  9. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther View Post
    This is definitely me so far! DH caught me inspecting my toilet paper after a wee and looked sort of sad/laughing, and I just said, "I'm going to be doing this awhile!!"

    And thank you Pb It means a lot to me that you guys on here are rooting for me and this baby! The few close friends I told meant well, but had some pretty cruel comments since I've had so much loss :/ Definitely haven't told family yet.

    You were Team Green right?? But did NIPT? Could you share what you did, since I think I'm going to go the same route of NIPT for health but avoiding gender until birth.
    I think you are so much stronger than I am. If we make it to bloodwork, I’ve told my husband that I want to open the envelope by myself in complete privacy so that I can have my moment. If it’s another boy, I have told myself that I will cherish this life and pregnancy. If it’s a girl, I can have my moment of bawling my eyes out in pure joy. Then I will let him do the same. Haha. Also, we have not told family either. We are a faith-based family so we have told a few couples who we know are in complete support and will pray for us daily. Family is a whole different issue for us as well. It would be our 5th...when they weren’t even that excited about our 3rd!! Oh my. I think it’s one of those things that will be the hardest for us. We just fully expect negativity. And that’s hard to look forward to.


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  11. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by hannahptrussell View Post
    I think you are so much stronger than I am. If we make it to bloodwork, I’ve told my husband that I want to open the envelope by myself in complete privacy so that I can have my moment. If it’s another boy, I have told myself that I will cherish this life and pregnancy. If it’s a girl, I can have my moment of bawling my eyes out in pure joy. Then I will let him do the same. Haha. Also, we have not told family either. We are a faith-based family so we have told a few couples who we know are in complete support and will pray for us daily. Family is a whole different issue for us as well. It would be our 5th...when they weren’t even that excited about our 3rd!! Oh my. I think it’s one of those things that will be the hardest for us. We just fully expect negativity. And that’s hard to look forward to.


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    Trust me, this is not a strength thing at all! I was in a very, very bad place with DD. Truly wanted to terminate and ultimately didn't because of DH and because it was, afterall, only our first kid.

    But it was a bad 9 months, especially since I was so sure she was a girl and DH felt she was a girl from the day of BFP.

    Obviously I am forever thankful I kept her, but I always SWORE I would find out gender with NIPT and terminate if it was another girl because I couldn't put myself or my family through that again. I was literally suicidal at times.

    The karmaic joke was on me that I'd end up having 7 natural losses then failures of IVF cycles. And now faced with my DD CONSTANTLY talking about and obsessed with babies and me realizing this is my last possible kid in my 20s, I realize I need to not know so I don't go through the same depression I did with DD.

    I know, deep down, I will love a girl also. But I also know that I can't afford to know for sure early and face those feelings -- I don't trust myself to soldier through, or not harm myself. I have the niggling feelings of, "DH is only getting older and there doesn't look like much hope beyond this baby, based on everything we went through before this," and, "I had my first baby for DH. Now I'm having this one for DD. Do I ever get to have a baby for myself, or live for myself?"

    But I need to almost just ignore that I AM pregnant and just make it to 40 weeks.

    Sorry I had such a rambling mess of emotions! I just want to stress that I am NOT strong! If I was, I'd find out -- I'm too much of a coward to find out this is a girl and deal with those feelings

    And I'm so sorry you'd get negativity from others That truly is so cruel of other people. We would get some too for a second DD without a DS, I know, too I wish people could just be... human for once.

  12. #28
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    Yes team green TP! I had NIPT done and also ticked the gender box on the form. That way if I waivered on finding out or not I had the option of super accuracy via bw and wouldn't be relying on a gender scan. I only nearly rang to find out once, after my 12w scan. I'd seen both a boyish and girlish looking nub (and luckily I'm not great at reading them unless they're super obvious ) but after a couple days I was back to team green very strongly.

    I have to say that I didn't particularly have a gender preference by then. Maybe I did deep down and didn't face it but I got to the stage where I was almost hoping for a third boy to take the pressure off hoping for a girl if that makes sense... I knew for me that not finding out was best for me. It allowed me to enjoy my pregnancy rather than be focused on gender but that doesn't work for everyone. I feel so much empathy for you ladies who are struggling with the thought of GD there truly isn't a more complex, mind f?*king emotion out there I'm sure!!! I am so so happy though that there is a safe place to share it (this site) and if not work through it then at least have somewhere to let it out so its not all bottled up and becoming destructive.

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  14. #29
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    Ladies. Both of these comments really made me look back at my last pregnancy and see that maybe I really did struggle with GD after finding out early. I was depressed and immediately found out I had Hyperemesis. Ugh. I really think it was a direct relation to being disappointed that it wasn’t a girl. I may need to really consider every option this round. I do think it will help tremendously knowing that this is it. There is no more try.


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  16. #30
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    Ladies - just popping in to say I understand and I wish there were easier answers for how to deal with GD. I struggled a lot with it too after finding out DS2 was a boy - even after he was born. I was never diagnosed but really believe that I had some degree of PPD, which I think was likely caused in part by GD (and a few other things, like a traumatic birth and breastfeeding struggles). It's interesting looking back at that now because he really, really is the perfect fit for our family - so unique and different from his brother but they are also the best of friends and I couldn't imagine them not having each other to grow up with. But as much as I adore him I still have so much anxiety and sadness over not having a daughter. I told the others on the TWW board this already but I saw on FB yesterday that a friend of mine is having a girl after two boys and when I saw that I just lost it - sobbed for a good half an hour and vented to DH. It just feels so unfair sometimes. But like Pbn reminded me I don't know all of my friend's story and maybe she too had difficulty conceiving or losses or whatever as well but it just hit me REALLY hard. This morning I woke up way too early and was laying in bed thinking about how hard it's going to be if I get pregnant again and find out it's a boy and how I really don't know how I'll handle it. In the past week it's like my GD has reared it's ugly head in a really strong way and it's making me not even want to be pregnant again because I don't want to deal with the anxiety and disappointment. I think the extreme fatigue I'm feeling right now after the past year of swaying and multiple miscarriages (as you all understand as well) just makes it that much harder to deal with too.

    Anyways - praying and hoping that both of your pregnancies continue to progress well. Do you have any scans scheduled soon? I have no advice on the finding out gender thing as I honestly don't know what I would/will do about that either if I get pregnant again. I hope though that you'll be able to sort through all the options and figure out the best one for you in the coming weeks!
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