Part 4: Due January, February & March 2019

[Eighme]

Sending my love and well wishes to you, TP. I'm thankful you and baby are healthy. But I completely understand your feelings and won't touch on the gender subject. I'm just glad you're both healthy!

All my love to you!

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[Lilawt]

Oh TP. I, like so many, badly wanted that boy for you. I know there are no words right now from any of us that would help with your feelings, but just know you are not alone, unfortunately so many of us have felt the same pain. We are all here whenever you need us.

Be kind to yourself and let your emotions out. Don’t be afraid. Don’t feel bad that the instant bond wasn’t there, a lot of people don’t get that feeling straight away but it will come.

Your baby has listened to your heart beat every second for months now, and she already loves you so much. When she looked up at your face for the first time she knew instantly that you were her mummy. It’s the strongest love there is and it grows stronger everyday.

I know it might not be easy but in time you will feel lighter. It might take weeks, months , maybe a year.. but one day you will look down on your sweet daughter playing, or smiling or sleeping and you won’t be able to imagine your life without her. She is a gift to you and she is the most wonderful, perfect gift for your dd1.

Lil


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[SurroundedByBoys]

Im with 4blue2pink... both happy and sorry at the same time. You have a lot of support here, and Im always a listening ear myself.

[wantinfo9]

do anyone know from ultrasound from which side did you ovulate and what was the gender.....

[Throwaway_panther]

Congratulations on the safe arrival of your healthy baby girl TP and im so happy to hear you had the drug-free natural birth that i know you wanted (i told you it was going to be quick ) nursing like a champ and no tears is fantastic!!

i am so sorry this wasnt your boy i completely understand the sadness and everyone around you expects you to be on cloud 9 dont they.. I haven't really touched on my post-birth experiences with my boys (especially the ones born after the loss of our baby girl) as i feel its maybe too extreme and certainly doesnt fit with the general experience of "falling in love and not wanting to change a thing the second they are in your arms" im glad the majority of ladies do experience that!! but i never did... You are not alone in feeling how you do

i am also very glad to hear that your dh stepped up during your labour and was supportive if he is at least acknowledging your grief it sounds like maybe things with him are moving in a more positive direction, i truly hope it feels that way for you.

im not sure if my post is going to make much sense.. how can i be sincere about being both "so happy" and "so sorry" but i really do feel a mix of both after reading your update, i want to celebrate your positive birth, healthy baby and what i really hope is an improved situation with dh while being devastated for you that this wasn't your son i hope that somehow all of this makes some sort of sense..

finally and slightly off topic.. i would like to say Congratulations to your oldest daughter on becoming a big sister i know how much she has wanted this role and i hope it is every bit as magical and exciting as she had hoped for

Thinking of you and wishing you as much peace as possible as you get to know your new addition and settle into this new dynamic, i have no doubt that you are going to BOSS having 2!! but be kind on yourself, rest when you can and remember that we are all here for you whenever you need us lots of love xxx

I am grateful for so many of all of your comments, but 4blue, you have always offered me such solace and so much empathy -- your post hits the nail on the head so completely, and I am so grateful to see my thoughts echoed elsewhere.

I so appreciate the kind words and I know everyone around me is so happy, but there's still this incompleteness -- especially with the existing grief of losing boys. It comes and goes, the feelings for this baby. Just trying to take it a step at a time. Wish the universe had bargained back with me

[Girlswaylondon]

Our labours sound extremely similar tp! Sorry It didnt go your way but congratulations on your baby girl xx

[4blue2pink]

TP im glad that my post resonated with you, i was worried it might come across as a jumbled mess!!

I think we joined the site around the same time and although you are a blue swayer and im pink you stood out to me straight away as pretty much the only person on here who admitted to having gender desire to the same degree i do!!

we both had really strong gender desire and then disappointment with our first babies. It seems there arent that many people who have that extreme gender desire and then suffer major GD with their first child and i felt a bit alone with that until i read your posts.
We also both have certain family members who seem to only celebrate baby's of one gender, we both really wanted small age gaps, we both had low-risk first pregnancies followed by loss(es) of our dream gender and then we both went on to have another healthy baby of the opposite gender to the one we desperately wanted. Oh and not forgetting the "unhelpful" dh's

Ive always been really thankful to you for posting so honestly and showing the extreme end of gender desire and disappointment, right from the start id read your posts and it felt like they could've been about me, you described the same feelings and thoughts that i had/have, and not just with GD, even the desire for the small age gap or the negative reaction from that family member about your DD1 being a girl, to your feelings of just keeping on ttc your ds's till it kills you, all of it. Id read it and be like "yes!! i get that 100%" Thankyou for sharing everything that you have over the years

Now after reading your update i cant help but think back to after DS2 was born, i hadn't dealt with the death of our baby girl who came 10 months before him and the time after he was born was the darkest point for me so far, it might seem wrong for me to even admit to that here, (talk about raining on the parade!!) but at the end of the day sometimes having a new baby isnt all magic sparkling fairy dust, sometimes your arms are full while you still feel empty and i just wanted you to know that i do understand the negative emotions and thoughts that will no doubt be there right now and its ok to admit that they are there. Having everyone else on cloud 9 really doesnt make it any easier either, its a really messy and difficult time and there is no getting around it so please keep posting here because we do understand.
I just so wish this wasnt the situation right now, along with everyone else on here i so desperately wanted this baby to be the end of your journey to your boy, and you are right the universe has been unfair!! but we are all here ready to take the next steps with you no matter what they are or which direction they go in

does new addition have a name? you did mention a gorgeous choice a little while ago (i wont write it but it began with M) i hope your getting some rest now between the constant newborn feeds xx

[wantinfo9]

do anyone know from ultrasound from which side did you ovulate and what was the gender.....

[TaytumJ]

My heart aches for you, TP. Congratulations on your beautiful new baby, but I’m so sorry it wasn’t your boy. You are so strong; please know I’m sending you all the love and comfort and peace I can. I can remember having a very hard time bonding with DS2. Know you’re not alone. Big, big hugs my friend.


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[simkan]

Tp I'm so happy you had an amazing delivery and your baby is healthy and latching
I'm also so sorry and feel your sadness that you didnt get your boy. I had that feeling with ds2 and it took a while before I stopped obsessing about how he wasn't a girl. Right now I just hope you're recovering well from the birth and wish for you to be happy. Sending you so much love.

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