Part 4: Due January, February & March 2019

[hopper]

Lol. I have 5 boys
I'm presumably pregnant with number 6...

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Have you had confirmation Mom25boys? X
I meant no offense to anyone with my above comments by the way. Just making a point that it's a roll of the dice every time whether you sway or not. I think I just took it for granted on DS3 that a sway meant "automatic girl!" I remember when I first got pregnant with DS3 I was literally the only person I knew that had 3 boys. I knew people online but that's different. It's only within the last maybe 12-18 months I've actually met other mother's in person who have 3, 4, 5+ boys. The vast majority of families I know have one of each. Or even just one child. I was asked recently was I keeping both twins cause I don't want to be too greedy!! It's a small community. I try not to be offended too easily! Some days that's easier said than done lol!

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[hopper]

i dont think there is anything wrong with anyone who feels that way, i know for me i was conditioned from being very young to only want girls "your either blessed with a girl or cursed with a boy" was what i was told over and over and it was always "when you have your girls..." and never "when you have kids of your own..." (insane and extreme much!!) plus everyone in the family has had a girl first so i kind of thought id be the same, but of course it doesnt work like that!! I had bad GD with my first baby and when my so longed for girl was lost mid pregnancy (my 2nd pregnancy) my desire/desperation for a girl ramped up 100%, she was followed by 3 boys in a row and honestly it felt like i was chasing an impossible dream, girls were clearly impossible for us, or so it felt!!
now after being so so lucky to have 2 healthy living girls i feel like my GD has changed, i still really really hope for a girl every time and i think i always will, but when DS5 was born it was nowhere near as bad as the boys before my living girls. now we have DS5 i actually feel quite drawn to the idea of DS6 to give him a brother close in age i NEVER thought i would feel like that, dont get me wrong i still swayed pink and if i could choose i would pick to have a girl but im not so closed off to boys anymore which is a nice feeling
its ok to feel more excited for your DD than DS, she is something you have never experienced before, your a 4th time boy mum but a 1st time girl mum enjoy the new experience of girl names, clothes, toys etc it doesnt make you a bad mum to DS4 i honestly think its totally normal to be excited for your first daughter and having her as part of a b/g twinset shouldnt take away from her being your 1st girl.
the best part of a big family for me is seeing my kids playing together newborns cant do it till they get bigger but i promise you in a year-18 months time you will be watching all 5 of your kids playing together and realise that the twins were a total gift to your 3 older boys i'll also bet on your 4 boys playing together at times while you and your DD get some girly time together too the newborn stage is going to be tough!! but it doesnt last forever, they do grow up and become that bit more independent and thats when you will see your very own "famous five" bonding as their own little gang but till then enjoy all those double newborn snuggles!! double the snuggles and double the squishy-ness!! twins will be hard work no doubt but so so special

Honestly 4b2p thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your words have been a real comfort to me and exactly what I need to hear, despite not really admitting any of this to myself until it all just came out here!! It seems that in my community, not just my family, girls are more widely celebrated also so I totally get what you're saying there. My BILs wife had a girl two months after we had DS1. We both delivered in the same birthing centre. I had my family come visit as he was the first grandchild. My FIL and one SIL (out of 5) visited. No BILs (there's 3) Every single one of them visited her with her DD. She had a son shortly after I had my second son and none of them visited her. I even remember at my baby shower for DS1, we were team green, everyone was referring to baby as "she" and how much fun I'd have with a girl etc. One of my SILs even said I'd be lucky to not have to change a boys nappy cause it's "just plain gross" Talk about blatantly favouring one gender over the other!
Anyway lol, I'm going on and on. I just wanted to say much love and hoping you get your girl this time, though so nice to hear you are content either way. It's that contented feeling I think I've been chasing for so many years!! X

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[hopper]

Hey ladies - my beautiful, healthy twins were born yesterday and weighed 6 lbs 2 oz (baby girl) and 7 lbs 3 oz (baby boy).

The bad news is delivery was pretty rough. They were both born vaginally - took about 10 hours with a 5 hour gap between the two of them. I then hemorrhaged and things got very intense and scary for awhile. I feel pretty traumatized, spent a lot of the night in tears about how things went, and am in a lot of pain. But I’m going to be fine and my sweet babies are here and healthy and that’s what matters most!

Thanks for checking in on me! Thinking about you all!

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Oh ABC I am SO sorry things went so badly!! I hope you will be ok both physically and emotionally!!
Great to hear your twins are here safe and sound and wow they were absolutely amazing weights for your gestation!!
Sending so many positive vibes your way, keeping you in my thoughts xx

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[Babybeaublue]

Oh ABC that sounds scary I'm so glad you and your babies are ok! They are here!!!!!!!!! Yeyyyy!! Honestly 5 hours in between sounds horrendous, you deserve a medal!

[atomic sagebrush]

ABC I'm so sorry the delivery was rough - but so thankful babies are here safe and sound. Hugest congrats and I hope you're smothered with love and support right now.

[Mommy2apples]

Oh ABC! I’m so sorry you had such a rough time! Hugs and prayers! So happy your beautiful rainbows are here!

[atomic sagebrush]

I swear this is the closest I've ever read to how I felt after DS1. I have never really verbalised those feelings and instead just lived with the guilt of not having that instant connection you're supposed to have. Being really really honest I've never had it on any of mine, just relief that it's all over. The bonding has always come later. But on my first I didn't realise that GD was a thing or that it was so strong until he was here and he wasn't my girl that I'd talked to and bonded with. The only way I've spoken about it (to very, very, very few people) is by saying that the child I grew inside me was not the same child I held in my arms. If that even makes sense. She became a He and it was only then I realised I totally didn't want to be a mother to a son. God that sounds awful. I stopped beating myself up over it a long time ago tho. My DS1 is the sweetest boy. His whole heart belongs to his mama. Then along came DS2. I think I talked myself into being ok with him being a He but the truth is it just stung way too much. It wasn't until I had DS3 that I found a level of happiness in my son's that I didn't think existed. But in the back of my mind it grates on me SO bad that so so so many women pop out one of each and are done. I've had three boys, two losses and am getting my girl now but it feels almost like it's by default cause I can't enjoy it. I'm having twins. It's going to be hard. It IS hard currently. My 3 sons are suffering (lack of focus on my part. I'm just so drained and everything is the biggest effort!) as a result of my obsession with needing a daughter. I still don't feel like I thought I'd feel at that news. Maybe that's the anxiety of needing to get them here safely. I dunno...
Aaaaaaaanyway, that went somewhere I wasn't expecting it to go. I just wanted to say TP you are so so understood here. I love your honesty. You are a strong woman who will raise strong daughters. Keeping you in my thoughts xx

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I have endless gulfs of sympathy for people who have had GD since the first because you guys have never really had the simple and uncomplicated joy of a pregnancy spent not caring about this stuff. Hugest hugs Hopper.

BTW that is still the thing that gets to me. (I know I've said this a jillion times, apologies to those who have read it before) It's the ease at which the majority of people pop out BG or GB and then act as if they've cured cancer and celebrate it like they've done something superior to the rest of us. And then they're like "We're DONE! hallelujah while it took me 6 pregnancies, five children, 2 losses, 21 years, endless hours of research, practically throwing my marriage away, selling my soul to the devil (long story but I really had to fight hard to get Susannah) and then I still couldn't really enjoy her the way that I had hoped to enjoy my daughter. Still really really hurts sometimes.

[4blue2pink]

ABC Congratulations on the arrival of your twins i cant believe those amazing birth weights!! im so sorry it was so traumatic i can only imagine how scary that would be to go through, i hope you are feeling well enough to enjoy your babies but it can be hard to even do that after something so scary, we are all here if you need us, wishing you as quick of a recovery as possible and i hope the midwives/dr's have given you a chance to ask any questions you may have about what happened so you can try to mentally work through it xx

[Noemi2017]

Abc huge congrats to your babies you had really hard labour i wish you recover soon

[4blue2pink]

Honestly 4b2p thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your words have been a real comfort to me and exactly what I need to hear, despite not really admitting any of this to myself until it all just came out here!! It seems that in my community, not just my family, girls are more widely celebrated also so I totally get what you're saying there. My BILs wife had a girl two months after we had DS1. We both delivered in the same birthing centre. I had my family come visit as he was the first grandchild. My FIL and one SIL (out of 5) visited. No BILs (there's 3) Every single one of them visited her with her DD. She had a son shortly after I had my second son and none of them visited her. I even remember at my baby shower for DS1, we were team green, everyone was referring to baby as "she" and how much fun I'd have with a girl etc. One of my SILs even said I'd be lucky to not have to change a boys nappy cause it's "just plain gross" Talk about blatantly favouring one gender over the other!
Anyway lol, I'm going on and on. I just wanted to say much love and hoping you get your girl this time, though so nice to hear you are content either way. It's that contented feeling I think I've been chasing for so many years!! X

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no need to thank me im glad that sharing my experience can be useful to other people, one of the worst parts of GD is feeling alone with it. Your family sound similar to mine, we received nothing for our 5 boys but the house looked like a card shop/ florist for both girls!! and not just cards, i got sent handwritten letters several pages long about how special girls are and how sisters are so so important etc etc.. that nappy comment is insane!! in a way girls nappies can be worse (excuse tmi) girls arent all external down there so when she poo's its got more places to get into.. :-/
its taken me 9 years, 7 full term pregnancies, 1 loss and finally 2 living girls to get this more content feeling, i really hope you feel it after the arrival of your twins