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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by BunnyGirl19 View Post
    I miscarried a few days ago at 12 weeks due to baby having developmental abnormalities. Now we have to start all over again and Iím so stressed because of our ages. DH isnít willing to consider IVF to ensure a healthy baby either, despite this being our third loss in a year. Iím feeling pretty hopeless at this point, honestly.
    Iím so sorry bunny girl. Iím sure you can have a healthy baby. Prayers for quick healing and a healthy rainbow baby.


    3 blue 3 pink

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    - 2005 - 2007 - 2010 - 2012 - 2013 - 2016

    ~~Hoping to TTC in 2020~~ Dreaming of twins!

    Dec '12, Feb '13, July '15

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  3. #32
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    So sorry to hear this bunny Give yourself time to heal Im 43 and know that it gets harder as we age, but if it is in your heart then you know you would walk through fire for your little ones, this horribleness has just become part of our journey. I believe that it is in your future for another addition, so take time to grieve this little person and see what the future may hold. So sorry again for your loss xx

  4. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by BunnyGirl19 View Post
    I miscarried a few days ago at 12 weeks due to baby having developmental abnormalities. Now we have to start all over again and Iím so stressed because of our ages. DH isnít willing to consider IVF to ensure a healthy baby either, despite this being our third loss in a year. Iím feeling pretty hopeless at this point, honestly.
    Sorry bunny. I'm sure too you can still have a healthy baby and your ages are not that advanced either ! I've known plenty of people having their first or at least second child around this time of their lives and it went very well despite fears of their bodies not being young enough for a pregnancy, especially a first one. Take time to heal and gather your strenght. Prayers for you !
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

  5. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by tillytys View Post
    How are you getting on Sora? When is your next scan booked for?
    Sorry Tilly I just see your message now Oo ! That's weird, it seems I wasn't warned about most of your posts though I was warned of Bunny's Oo !

    So yep sorry it seemed like I was silent or stuff ! So basically I'm okay, waiting for the next scan at the end of the month, worried since as you know, no NIPT and that one will not only tell the gender and if any anomalies are on their way...

    Also my last urine check was not good (sugar in urines, maybe diabetes) though they are waiting cause my blood check didn't pick up on anything weird. So worried about that too.
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

  6. #35
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    How has the corona stuff been getting on in France Sora? I have my next scan on the 24th and was wondering if I should not go? I think pregnant ladies are at no higher risk and are probably more likely to catch something in the shops than hospitals as the hospitals are cleaning and have the hand gels everywhere unlike the shops

    Anybody else have any thoughts on the corona?

  7. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by tillytys View Post
    How has the corona stuff been getting on in France Sora? I have my next scan on the 24th and was wondering if I should not go? I think pregnant ladies are at no higher risk and are probably more likely to catch something in the shops than hospitals as the hospitals are cleaning and have the hand gels everywhere unlike the shops

    Anybody else have any thoughts on the corona?
    Well you should go to your scan since you will need it to make sure everything is okay.

    Well the corona, we're still not closing any airlines or stuff cause Macron wants his tourists and money. And after that they complain the numbers are rising alarmingly fast.

    About hospitals, I wouldn't say they are safe as far as we're concerned. There are next to no masks left (not the useful ones at least), they don't have the time nor means to test everyone so they will test only people presenting the worst symptoms. There are no hand gels anymore and hospitals have to make their own home-made ones to compensate.

    That means that the general population is deprived of masks, hand gels and anything useful since people are getting paranoid and buying whatever is left. Let's not talk about those buying so they can sell them on the net overpriced.

    About pregnant women, we're told it should be taken as seriously as catching the flu, especially with high fever. China has said most they noticed as of now about pregnant women is that much like SRAS-like viruses, corona puts a pregnant woman at higher risk of deadly complications and her baby at higher risk of premature birth, pulmonary defects, death in utero or at birth. No signs of the embryo being infected in utero but the baby can be infected during or right after birth as with pneumonia and have trouble breathing. If the mother is still contagious, then no close contact and breastfeeding only under close surveillance. If she's healed, she can care for her baby the usual way. No trace of the virus in the milk. That's all we know for now. They are talking about testing every pregnant women while at the same time saying they don't have the means nor time and don't want to cause panick.

    Personnally less afraid of what can happen to me but worried about consequences for the baby. DD1 was already born a month sooner than she should have and still has trouble catching up in physical strenght. And though we don't know if it's related, she is falling behind in language development and has to see a specialist every week, something no one in our family, not even her sister, ever had to do at any point in our lives.

    So yeah, I'm not an easy person to scare with pandemics and all but I don't want to go through another child with health problems, especially since here (idk about the other countries), the mother is still very much blamed for every little physical or mental trouble found in her kids. It's one of the reason I went through a third pregnancy to begin with : to finally know what it's like to really be a happy mother, without worries and complimented daily on her beautiful baby instead of being accused of being a failure somehow somewhere. To finally stop asking myself "Why did I ever dream of having children ? Why did I put myself through so much suffering ? Why did I believe all these people telling me it was such a beautiful adventure in the life of a woman ?". Cause they're obviously living something very different from what I've been experiencing with DD1 and DD2.
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

  8. #37
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    France sounds like a very hard place to be a mum if its thats judgey! The mothers would run for the hills if me and my bunch of terrors moved there

    I think I will be doing the 20 week scan I also have 3 more growth scans, a glucose test, 3 consultant appointments and now a dietician appointment! all for the general hospital. I think I may go to the first extra growth scan and consultant appointment and when I am there tell the consultant I do not want to do the rest of the appointments, I have growth scans because my 1st baby 21 years ago was 6lb 6oz and they are considering the chance of this one being small, this is despite my last 3 being around 9lb so doesnt make too much sense to me So hopefully the consultant will agree its best to free up the staff and appointments for people in a more serious situation.

    HAve you had school closures in France yet? The rumor is here UK that it may be next Friday, its hard to know what to do, close the schools and the hospital staff cant go to work or leave them open and spread between the kids to take home, such a tough call.

  9. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by tillytys View Post
    France sounds like a very hard place to be a mum if its thats judgey! The mothers would run for the hills if me and my bunch of terrors moved there

    I think I will be doing the 20 week scan I also have 3 more growth scans, a glucose test, 3 consultant appointments and now a dietician appointment! all for the general hospital. I think I may go to the first extra growth scan and consultant appointment and when I am there tell the consultant I do not want to do the rest of the appointments, I have growth scans because my 1st baby 21 years ago was 6lb 6oz and they are considering the chance of this one being small, this is despite my last 3 being around 9lb so doesnt make too much sense to me So hopefully the consultant will agree its best to free up the staff and appointments for people in a more serious situation.

    HAve you had school closures in France yet? The rumor is here UK that it may be next Friday, its hard to know what to do, close the schools and the hospital staff cant go to work or leave them open and spread between the kids to take home, such a tough call.
    Yes do your scans. A dietetician ? Do you have diabetes ?

    Yes just last friday, we had the school closures and suddenly, yesterday night, they decided to also close the restaurants, coffee shops and everything that isn't selling food. We're wondering if they will start confining people in their houses. The hospital staff still goes to work unless they have really no other choice but to keep their children with them but usually there's a non-hospital staff parent that can be there... And some hospitals and workplaces have been making agreements to either find ways to have the children of their employees watched over or keep their staff home but still paying them.

    Yeah France is not easy to mothers... or for some only ? The non-rich, non-perfect-Instagram-model-like moms ? Idk... At first glance it doesn't look like it, pregnant women have good medical care and all... I had expatriates tell me that in some countries, they were much less judged as parents than here. But it was hard to believe since around me I had only young mothers that had perfect pregnancies, perfect babies (eating well, sleeping well, healthy, very dynamic) and so got only compliments on how motherhood suited them, how they seemed born for it and how both them and their kids were great. I've worked with children before and people were saying I too would be okay with motherhood. Then came the difficult pregnancies, the difficult births, the symptoms, the weight gains but no loss afterwards while my babies were small-ish (there were people to say that I had stolen their nutrients haha), husband working in hospital so barely being home and no family to help, answer my questions... There were the difficult nights, the worries, trying to manage two girls at once while dealing with GD which I could not talk about... I tried to get help and was just told it was all my fault. That there were single moms doing better than me. That how could I be without family ? That if I was more pretty, more friendly, less tired and sad, I would get tons of friends ready to help and support me and if I didn't have that, it must mean that I was a bad person no one should care about (and I even heard something like that from supposed psychological help from young moms and children).
    And should a bad person allowed to be a mother ? I was threatened with taking the girls away from me for the littlest things : a little late for vaccination because I had to move the date for professionnal reasons (father not being free with his job) or baby had a fever ? Bad mother, next time social services will be called. DD1 having a cold ? Bad mother, you must have dragged her outside naked, we weren't there but we know. DD2 crying all night because teeths and neighboors complaining ? Bad mother, the police came to check if she was really crying for her teeths or if she was crying because I was hurting her or shaking her in her craddle. Of course there was nothing to see... But imagine having that, you're trying to go about your day, raising kids all alone, no "buaah mamaaaaa please come and help meeee cause I'm 30 and I still need my mommaaaa to help me change my daughters diapers", no "sis, can you come and keep me companie ? I'm alone with the kids and feeling a bit of baby blues"... then the doorbell rings... is it someone coming to offer help ? Is it someone from the medical field to counsel you about all the little troubles with babies and the way to pull through ? No, it's the police "Good day Madam, your neighboors called social services cause your kid was crying the whole night and they say it must be because you have been shaking it and throwing it on the ground cause no baby cry that much instead of sleeping...".

    So yeah, maybe in other countries you get to be a mom. I don't feel like one, I don't know what it's like to be one, I don't know what is that thing they call "a great life-changing experience for a woman". For me it's a new world full of hurt and tears and fear. A world I know well as someone who has been assaulted and bullied since childhood, a world I thought I had escaped from. I'm putting a bit of hope on this 3rd baby to show me, to help me, to be MY baby and to make me a true mother. Cause after all of this, I don't quite feel like the mother of DD1 and DD2. Just a caretaker choosen by nature that strangers can fire at the drop of a hat, like some incompetent teenage baby-sitter. And meanwhile I see horror stories in the medias about nannies or teachers or even doctors hurting the children under their care... But yeah, these are professionnals, right ? They know what they're doing, right ? Not like bad mom-me ! They can kill children and no one cares but beware if my daughters catch the slightest of colds, because it will all be on the head of bad-mom me !
    Who could feel like a mother with this ?

    Sorry for the outburst but I guess these things are festering even worse with the pregnancy. And I won't ask for help, I don't ever want to be told it's just my fault over and over again. I don't trust the medical staff anymore though I didn't have problems with most of them. I let them check the heartbeats, do bloodchecks, ultrasounds, because that's the only things these heartless beasts are good for in the end ! And I've been hiding the pregnancy from "civilians" for fear of the judgements IRL. Some people are suspecting and I can see them wondering why I'm not saying anything but I have nothing to say to them, they can go and find another woman to harass. I just talk on the net and I did find other people that went through the same as me but they too have no answers about how to avoid it, stop it, and why some mothers get to be treated as superior beings miraculously doing everything right while others are shamed for every little grain of sand along the way, from how the pregnancy goes to how the baby does.
    And why some who drink, smoke, do drugs and worse are left alone. And then they make the headlines of the medias "Mom smothers her baby in a drunken fit/while being high". But here, there's surpisingly no one to call the police.

    Well wrote a lot, hope I'm not frightening young moms here. Yet it's important to know these things do happen to normal people, normal families and that it can go very far.
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

  10. #39
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    No diabetes but a bit overweight cheeky monkeys! What date is your scan Sora? I'm in on the 24th, I will go to that one

    I hope this is your little boy Sora Hopefully it will start to shut up some of the horrible people around you And if its another little girl then when you see her little face on that scan you will be instantly in love and know she is meant to be with you Does your husband help at all? Would he like a boy this time or is he happy for a suprise

  11. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by tillytys View Post
    No diabetes but a bit overweight cheeky monkeys! What date is your scan Sora? I'm in on the 24th, I will go to that one

    I hope this is your little boy Sora Hopefully it will start to shut up some of the horrible people around you And if its another little girl then when you see her little face on that scan you will be instantly in love and know she is meant to be with you Does your husband help at all? Would he like a boy this time or is he happy for a suprise
    My scan is on the 27th.

    Help idk. If you mean help around a little, yes.

    As for GD or the problems I may face, since many of the "horrible people" were his family and/or friends, not much. He understands nothing of GD, which he calls a tanthrum, and he's been afraid for the longest of time of angering his acquaintances and didn't speak up much, which encouraged them. Only after the thing with the police did he decide to clear things and cut ties and even then, he needed a mutual friend to point out how he stood at risk to loose me for good if he didn't stand up for me. So well, too little too late imo. Not counting on any kind of moral support from him now. That kind of help should come instantly and from the bottom of the heart, not after everyone got a turn at hurting your loved ones and because a third party pointed out how abnormal that was. It stands for anyone really : if your spouse, parents, brothers and sisters, children need to be REMINDED by a stranger that they should protect you, then it means they never loved you as much as you loved them, period. Too often the victim of neglect is shamed into believing they don't deserve to be cared for, it has to stop. Caring and standing up for someone is EASY. No excuse in the world can make up for keeping silent and letting a relative's life be destroyed.
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

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