2022 TWW Thread!

[Cookies22]

Hi Onelittlewish! Thanks for saying hi! Sending you lots of baby dust. Let us know how you get on! Xx

[Cookies22]

How's everyone going? I'm 3-4 DPO and feeling pretty over it.

6 months on LE is a lot. I miss snacking, and being able to eat whatever I want, whenever, without thinking about it. When I was pregnant I had this huge sigh of relief when I realised I could eat whatever I wanted now. It was such a buzz kill going through easter last weekend without eating any chocolate. I am growing weary of trying to squeeze an hour of cardio in every day; we don't use day care so it's a load on my husband to have to watch our 2 and 5 year olds every single afternoon while I exercise for an hour. It pushes our dinner and bedtimes back by an hour, and is an hour I'd rather be spending with my kids out at the beach doing something fun and making memories. Or an hour every day spent writing my book, or on the couch with my hubby at the end of the day watching a film, quality time as a couple. Or doing one of the thousand and one other things I need to get done every day as a time-poor working Mum of 2.

It's doing my head in a bit. TTC after a loss is hard enough, but now that I know about swaying, I feel like I can't do it any other way. It's a big pressure on an already pressurised situation. Anyone else feel like this? I feel like there aren't many people swaying now compared with a few years ago, so maybe I'm not alone and other people have found it too hard long term. It just doesn't feel entirely sustainable and I'm so tired generally, and fatigued by the mental load of LE and constant exercise / E4D when I want to fall pregnant. Like right now I'm about to go for my walk, I want a snack, but my swaying brain says that's bad, so I'm hungry, and it makes me grumpy at my hubby and kids. It just makes life harder than it already is.

I know I can have a 'snack' or second meal before exercising, but it doesn't work for me because we eat dinner as soon as I get home. I'm 36, worried about fertility after a loss and really I should just be grateful to be TTC at all, rather than lowering my fertility to sway a certain percentage one way or the other. It's hard not to feel like this sometimes. I really hope I'm pregnant this month because I don't know how much longer I can sway. Being in the TWW is bringing up a lot of feelings I guess. ❤️

[Thefinalcountdown]

Hey just wanted to encourage you that a lot of girl moms kinda feel this way. I think it’s the lack of energy from snacking and the cardio on top of it. The ones that I’ve talked to that have all girls are always kinda “done”. I never did cardio and was doing about the same activity with all 3 but with my girls I was definitely eating LE for a long time. Fx you get a bfp soon!!


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[atomic sagebrush]

Hey just wanted to encourage you that a lot of girl moms kinda feel this way. I think it’s the lack of energy from snacking and the cardio on top of it. The ones that I’ve talked to that have all girls are always kinda “done”. I never did cardio and was doing about the same activity with all 3 but with my girls I was definitely eating LE for a long time. Fx you get a bfp soon!!


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This may come into play as part of the mystery why blue swayers always want to have their kids so close together, an ongoing puzzle that I have written about here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum...t=blue+swayers Maybe they're just over it all and want to move on with their lives.

[atomic sagebrush]

But Cookies, remember, you had cut back way too far anyway and so if you need to add a little food back in, be it in the form of an extra meal a day or some chocolate, so be it.

Chocolate at Easter is MANDATORY. No one should ever be skipping holiday treats for swaying. That is why cheating is not only encouraged, it is a must do. Because you do miss out on those precious memories, and you can do all that, deprive yourself of everything wonderful in this world only to end up getting an opposite anyway.

I insist you eat some chocolate immediately.

I do want you to be aware that the 2ww is known for both being very "hungry" times, and also emotionally speaking, you're at a low point. I personally find that the week after O is the time when most of us are at an emotional nadir, very discouraged just in general (and this is without swaying). It's the time people are tempted to give up, and I often get messages from people telling me they ARE giving up and then I say "did you O a few days ago" and they did!

Because you are so thin, I think you absolutely could drop at least a day or two of exercise and still ahve good results with it. I think you SHOULD do that for the sake of your sanity and emotional wellbeing!

[Cookies22]

Thank you so much @Thefinalcountdown & Atomic. Honestly your encouragement and understanding means so much. I woke up this morning and read these messages first thing (after my first decent night of sleep in a long time) and it made me feel so much better. That's so interesting about the week after O being a low point. I've been so crabby and tired the past few days, which is not like me, and I said to my DH I feel like maybe it's hormone-related, which it could be in the TWW. A friend of mine asked me on the street if we're trying for a baby this year and it just hurt, she's heavily pregnant and I just wish she hadn't asked me that, I didn't want to share that I just had a MC.

@Thefinalcountdown that is an interesting way of looking at it too! I know my sister, who has 2 girls, is always and forever 'burning out'. She's addicted to being busy, is highly strung and always has way too many things going on at once and lots of stress (plus never eats breakfast, and exercises every day, loves wine and coffee). She fell pregnant with her DD2 the month after an early miscarriage too. Another friend of mine (my ex boss actually) is highly strung and always busy and has two girls, the latter one was conceived first cycle after an early MC too. It does seem to add up and I guess in a way this mentality would only help my sway... I haven't been obsessing over my sway at all because I'm too busy spinning all of the plates! And I do think the reason the sway may not have worked last time (which I'm so grateful for as it gave me my beloved DS2) is because I'd only been on the diet for 11 weeks. Now it's almost 6 months and feels much more like a lifestyle than a 'crash diet'.

Thanks Atomic, I did eat one easter egg so that's something. I also had a 'cheat' last night and ate a sausage before bed because I was hungry (first meat I've eaten in ages). I think I just need to accept that after this long on the diet, I cannot be as disciplined, so a snack here and there, or going down to 4 days of exercise rather than 6 will all be ok too.

[Thefinalcountdown]

Yeah you are living the “girl mom lifestyle”!! Funny enough, I now feel really busy and capable after being on the HE for a few months. Like I can really invest time in being controlling over all things since I have the energy for it.


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[onelittlewish]

Thank you so much @Thefinalcountdown & Atomic. Honestly your encouragement and understanding means so much. I woke up this morning and read these messages first thing (after my first decent night of sleep in a long time) and it made me feel so much better. That's so interesting about the week after O being a low point. I've been so crabby and tired the past few days, which is not like me, and I said to my DH I feel like maybe it's hormone-related, which it could be in the TWW. A friend of mine asked me on the street if we're trying for a baby this year and it just hurt, she's heavily pregnant and I just wish she hadn't asked me that, I didn't want to share that I just had a MC.

@Thefinalcountdown that is an interesting way of looking at it too! I know my sister, who has 2 girls, is always and forever 'burning out'. She's addicted to being busy, is highly strung and always has way too many things going on at once and lots of stress (plus never eats breakfast, and exercises every day, loves wine and coffee). She fell pregnant with her DD2 the month after an early miscarriage too. Another friend of mine (my ex boss actually) is highly strung and always busy and has two girls, the latter one was conceived first cycle after an early MC too. It does seem to add up and I guess in a way this mentality would only help my sway... I haven't been obsessing over my sway at all because I'm too busy spinning all of the plates! And I do think the reason the sway may not have worked last time (which I'm so grateful for as it gave me my beloved DS2) is because I'd only been on the diet for 11 weeks. Now it's almost 6 months and feels much more like a lifestyle than a 'crash diet'.

Thanks Atomic, I did eat one easter egg so that's something. I also had a 'cheat' last night and ate a sausage before bed because I was hungry (first meat I've eaten in ages). I think I just need to accept that after this long on the diet, I cannot be as disciplined, so a snack here and there, or going down to 4 days of exercise rather than 6 will all be ok too.

Hi Cookies, I totally feel you here. 8 months ttc and 10 months on the diet and every month when I got a BFN I was more stressed about the fact that I had to carry on the diet rather than the fact that I wasn't getting pregnant. But I second everything Atomic said in her previous post...the longer I am on the diet the more I understand her reasons behind.

I was quite disciplined in the 1st 6 months (I don't think I was super strict at what I eat but I tried my best not to snack, cut out sugar and white carbs and 6 days of exercise) and I wasn't hungry or starving at all. Nevertheless I still had to use my all will power to control myself and I became emo with my kids and of course they threw more tantrums and vicious cycle. My mood swings were causing a lot of tension between me and my family to a point I thought I cannot continue like this anymore. But like you said once you know that swaying is out there you cannot just do nothing. So it's either keep swaying or quit ttc. Then I tried to loosen up bit by bit and it was hard because I had dealt with the guilt that came along. I felt that I would fail even though I knew in my mind that "it's ok" but my heart didn't. And honestly speaking every month I saw BFN I was relieved because I thought I could do "better" next month. So fast forward to today, sometimes I still struggle with the guilt but most of the time I have made peace with myself and I think as long as I am still mindful and conscious about my diet it is a change from my past. Maybe it is good enough to get me a girl, maybe it is not but this is the best I can do without quitting completely and I don't think I could have done differently. Now I eat the best to avoid food meat/banana/tomato/potato occasionally, I do have some sugar and dessert every day but definitely with self control, I push back my breakfast to mid day on the school days when I am always out and about in the morning and have my brekkie on the weekends as my treats so I am fuelled to take care of the kids, and I try not to snack but I'd eat when I can't shake the thought off my head.

I am 9DPO today and feeling absolutely nothing lol. I also don't have my BBT so I really have no clue as to what's going on but I am really glad that I stopped charting (not voluntarily of course, thanks to my DS) and this is probably my most chilled month ever. I didn't know how obsessed I was until I stopped. Not having high hopes because I kind of gave up on the possibility of us conceiving with 1 attempt in the fertile window but never say never right!

Anyway, hope you are feeling better Cookies and it is a tough journey but you are not alone

[9jamama01]

Hi Cookies, hope you feel better today. After about 15 months on the HE diet I can say that Swaying is hardwork! I can remember how many times I almost quit the past year but when I imagine myself carrying my little baby boy in my arms, I decide to try one more day.

But at this point, I'm tired and I just want to get pregnant, I'll take a little baby girl today over no baby at all. Every time I see that just one line on the HPT I feel so sad.

I'm 10dpo today and I have another BFN. I think I might have to take a break, maybe 3-4 months so I can loose some weight. I feel like there's no point carrying this excess weight around if I can't even get pregnant.

Best of luck to y'all. Hang in there Cookies this might just be your month after all .

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[Cookies22]

Thank you all so much for your words of support and encouragement. It means so much to me, it really does. I was thinking about your posts on my walk today and how your support really makes me feel so much less alone at a time when I feel very, very much alone on this journey.

I've been upping my calories a bit, from 1550 to as much as 1800 and will weigh myself tomorrow to see how I'm going. The way I see it, I just can't really afford to lose any more weight so even if I gain half a kilo I can lose that again easily in a fortnight. I'm finding it hard to get to my fat and protein goals because I can't eat dairy and I'm not eating meat... where else on earth does one find fat & protein without meat or dairy...

I had such strong pregnancy symptoms with my last pregnancy (that ended in miscarriage) from 6DPO (implantation pain, increased discharge, dizziness etc) so it's hard not to symptom spot this time around. Lucky I've been busy with work etc so that keeps my mind off it. I think I'm going to tell myself I'm doing this for 3 more months and then will re-evaluate after that.

@Atomic, how long do you think I should stick with 1 attempt / E4D before adding attempts? I conceived DS2 with one attempt and DH always wants to do every second day when in the fertile week, so just making a game plan for the future. It is hard when I so badly want to be pregnant again after my loss but am just having 1 attempt in the fertile window (which got me a beautiful DS last time anyway!). It's 3 years since I last conceived so I can't help but think my age is a factor (I'm 36 now) and as a Dr said to me when I had my IUD removed a year ago, 'it might take longer for you to conceive this time around'. I know a lot of women conceive easily when they're over 35 (Mum had me at 39 and my sister at 36), but I have 2 out of 3 MTHF genetic mutations so am conscious of miscarriage risks with my age etc.

Part of me thinks maybe we should have started trying earlier, when I was 35, but I wanted my DS2 to have at least 3 years as the baby of the family, that means a lot to me. We didn't feel ready until relatively recently.