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  1. #1
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    Anyone else torn between finding out and not finding out ?

    Im in 2 minds whether I want to know. DH doesnt want to but Im unsure.

    Part of me wants to only know if its a girl but then if i find out if a girl would i have rathered wait and have that surprise at birth ?

    Part of doesnt want to know if its a boy as i know at birth i wont care but part of e wants to know so i can stop getting my hopes up that there is still a small chance of a girl .....

    I think my main reason for not knowing is fear and being too scared. Im worried how i will react and dont want to risk suining the rest of my pregnancy.

    Is anyone else feeling this torn ? I tink it doesnt help that i have 6 pregnant friends 5 of which are having girls !!! grrrr
    Mummy to 3 gorgeous Boys and FINALLY our baby Girl
    Owen 2004
    Ellis 2006
    Liam 2009
    D Amy 2013

    M/C Oct 2012 after 4 months trying

    BFP again !! - Nov 2012 - Confirmed Twins at 6+5 then my dreams were crushed at 8+ weeks when one of our twins sadly died.

    THANK YOU TO GENDER DREAMING FOR HELPING MAKE OUR DREAMS COME TRUE

  2. #2
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    Hi there, I've jumped across from the due in March board but I saw your post and wanted to say I'm in exactly the same position of being totally torn. We had the gender written down for us at the 20 weeks scan and it's locked away in a drawer waiting for us if we wanted to find out at any point! I now have 5 weeks to go and it's still unopened, for all of the reasons you describe above, mainly because I'm scared i'll feel disappointed and don't want to feel sad for the rest of the pregnancy.. The one thing that keeps making me want to find out is the fear that my first thoughts on seeing our precious baby could be ones of disappointment and I know that would break my heart to feel that way and I'd feel unbearably guilty. Have you thought about having the gender written down and then opening it nearer to your due date? Sorry I haven't been much help I just wanted to let you know I know how you're feeling!

  3. #3
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    I'm just as torn! At times I think it will be better to wait so I'm not sad during most of my pregnancy, but the other part of me is worried it would affect my bonding with the baby if its a boy! I don't want to risk not bonding with him because I can't get over the GD in an instant. It's a tough one because I would love the surprise but in the end I think for me it's best to find out!
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  4. #4
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    Mum23boys's Avatar
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    I couldnt find out near the end id be thinking if ive got this far as i might as well see it to the end and have the surprise :-)
    Mummy to 3 gorgeous Boys and FINALLY our baby Girl
    Owen 2004
    Ellis 2006
    Liam 2009
    D Amy 2013

    M/C Oct 2012 after 4 months trying

    BFP again !! - Nov 2012 - Confirmed Twins at 6+5 then my dreams were crushed at 8+ weeks when one of our twins sadly died.

    THANK YOU TO GENDER DREAMING FOR HELPING MAKE OUR DREAMS COME TRUE

  5. #5
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    I'm not pregnant yet (nor even trying!) but have been thinking about it too. Those I've asked who have had a gender preference have always say they'd do the opposite of what they did! Those who had an opposite and found out at birth have now said they'd rather find out early next time as they wouldn't want any sadness/disappointment when their baby is born. Those who found out (I'm one of those) think they'd rather wait until birth next time as gender scans, etc, were quite emotionally draining. I don't know personally I could put myself through another gender scan again, and I felt like a touch of anticipation/excitement had been taken away when we found out early. It was good to come to terms with another boy whilst pregnant and I was very excited about our new boy towards the end, but personally I love team yellow!

    I think it depends on gut feeling. If you want a girl and gut feeling is pink it's probably best to find out early as it'd be a big shock if it was a boy. If you already believe it's a boy you have nothing to lose by waiting - if you're already mentally prepared for a boy and then at the birth you find out it's a girl then that's a bonus!

  6. #6
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    Rainbow that is EXACTLY how I feel hence preparing myself for team blue and calling this bub little man etc that way it wont be a shock but I know i may still feel a little dissapointment as although i feel 99% sure this is a boy i have that 1% hope its our daughter ...finally !!
    Mummy to 3 gorgeous Boys and FINALLY our baby Girl
    Owen 2004
    Ellis 2006
    Liam 2009
    D Amy 2013

    M/C Oct 2012 after 4 months trying

    BFP again !! - Nov 2012 - Confirmed Twins at 6+5 then my dreams were crushed at 8+ weeks when one of our twins sadly died.

    THANK YOU TO GENDER DREAMING FOR HELPING MAKE OUR DREAMS COME TRUE

  7. #7
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    Such a tough decision, I know Hobbermittens was adamant that she not find out until birth because GD with DD2 was so bad and she didn't want to risk it again, that was absolutely the right decision for her, but drove her friends nuts!!!

    I think its completely individual and ultimately you know what you can handle.

    I like Sunshiner's idea. She knows she can find out if she really wants to, but she's holding on. She has the option anytime she wants it.

    As for me, i went into a terrible slump after finding out DD3 was my 3rd girl but I know that the anticipation will make me crazy. If I can get prego soon I will find out the gender ASAP. This will be our last baby so I need to know. I need to cope privately if its a girl and have the power to share or keep secret if its a boy. But that is just me!

    Good luck and please post if you do find out!!!


    My Gender Dreaming

  8. #8
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    I'm not even trying and won't until June or July but I'm already thinking about this too. Mostly because every one that I thought would be supportive is just so ugly and negative. They tell me all I ever have will be boys. I'm starting to believe it.

    So now to decide whether to not find out.
    Find out and not tell any one. Or find out and tell every one.

    My husband kind of got excited when I told him about not finding out but I'm not sure I would be able to wait. When I found ds2 was a boy cried but was kind of expecting it. I definitely got over it and was able to enjoy my pregnancy and bonded even closer to him when he was born.
    So I think I might do that, it gives the chance to get over while the baby is not here yet.
    If it's a girl I will have that much longer to decide. I don't think I will tell any one if it's a girl and just surprise every one with her! Gosh I pray so much I get prego with a girl. It will be a dream come true

  9. #9
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    With DS3 I am so glad I found out at 17 weeks. I was very sad. But DH let me name him after my dad whom I love so much. So the 4.5 months I knew he was a boy I was calling him Robbie and bonding with my little Robbie, then I started to get super excited for little Robbie and by the time Robbie was born I was head over heels in love. I'm so glad I did it that way. I had to opposite experience with my DD. I didn't believe the ultrasound. I didn't believe 9 ultrasounds actually and it gave me great anxiety. I hated my baby shower and all the pink gifts thinking I would have to return them. I hated the doubt. When she was actually born a girl I was over the moon! I couldn't believe the ultrasound was right an that I was getting my little girl the whole time!!! So. This time gender does not matter "as much" but it still matters a little. I have my DD but now I hope to give her a sister, it's not our last baby so I'm not panicking. I still don't know whether or not I want to find out. DH has always wanted to know and this time is no exception. So I guess I'm just going to find out and hope I don't have the same anxiety if I find out its my DG.
    Thank you God and Our Lady
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    ~~Hoping to TTC in 2020~~ Dreaming of twins!

    Dec '12, Feb '13, July '15

  10. #10
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    i can totally relate to you im so ashamed to say i cant bear to find out its a boy and cry but i don want a surprise at birth its better i know to deal with it and bond better before the birth
    ds1 2008 ds2 2011 ds3 so hoping for a girl or 2 one day

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