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Thread: Support needed

  1. #1
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    Support needed

    Hi girls thought I'd make a thread for when we feel down and need some support.

    That's me for the past few days I feel so sad/depressed I have tried to get on with things but its eating me alive.
    I feel like I need to plan a sway or give myself some slight hope that I won't feel like this for the rest of my life, Like she's missing. Or do I give up the dream?

    Don't get me wrong I will love and adore this little boy when he comes and gd will be the furthest thing from my mind when he's born. But I know it will only last a few weeks before it comes sneaking back in how/when/what to do to tip the balance to get my dd.
    but what if it fails again I don't think I can physically do this to myself again. Also I don't think I can spend the rest of my life wondering what if I did try again and it worked why can't it be simple. Aaaaagggrrrhhhh!

    I saw this beautiful little girl the other day just how I imagined my dd would be and I nearly cried in middle of the shop she was so sweet helping her mum,
    Then her dad turn up and scooped her up in his arms it was so magical but stupidly so simple. I felt like I died inside that the reality that I may never have that, never have my dd and some people get it with out even trying.
    Then I realised my two older boys where packing away the shopping chatting away to ds3 in the push chair all good as gold and it struck me how lucky I am to have such lovely helpful boys, I wouldn't change them for the world but I just want her too. I suppose I'm just greedy and selfish to want it all but my feelings won't stop.

    If anyone has any wise words to make the longing go away please share!!!!!

    Cycle 1: HRC march 2014 -NT- 14 retrieved, 3 fertilised, 3 to testing, all xy 1 normal.
    Cycle 2: HRC August 2014 -1 HB SEEN (EDD 14th may 2015)- 12 retrieved, 10 fertilised, 9 to testing, 3xy 6xx. 6 normals 2xy 4xx


  2. #2
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    No wise words I am afraid but sending you a big hug.

    Maybe just keep in your mind for now that if you really are longing for a daughter still after this baby is born then you can try again with something else. I think all you can do then is focus on getting excited for meeting your new little man, and enjoy time with your other boys. It's easy for me to give out advice when I still have a glimmer of hope that maybe I'm having a girl this time but I know I will feel the same as you, and this is def our last baby.

    I try and keep all the things I am thankful for in my head, remember that some people aren't lucky enough to have children at all so however hard done to I may feel it doesn't come close to how they must feel. xxx
    DS1 - 4.5yrs DS2 - 3yrs

    Swayed for a but expecting a beautiful

    My gorgeous son has arrived!

  3. #3
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    I'm sorry that one of the sweetest ladies in our due date thread is feeling like this. I have no advice, but I can say this for myself...gd fueled my desire to have more babies, but I'm thankful in ways that I do have it because I've been blessed with 4 of the most amazing little people. If it makes you feel better to have a plan, make one. You can always change or cancel it. Have this baby and see where you are after he's been around for a while. You always have us for support Tiffani and I hope you start feeling better soon.
    Last edited by ThreeMenAndALAdy; November 3rd, 2012 at 04:55 PM.
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    coocoobananas's Avatar
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    Ah Tiff, I'm the same way. I've been depressed lately and can't seem to snap out of it! I had a couple days of happiness and I thought I was pulling through but back it came. I'm thinking on those days when I am so positive that I will write my thoughts down so on all the other days I can read them for comfort.
    I do pretend that maybe I will adopt or have a 4th but honestly I want to be done. I never want to be here again. I can't emotionally do it and especially not physically... Pregnancy is not for me!
    I'm thinking to just try to accept this as there is nothing wrong with 3 boys do I am trying to see if I can wrap my brain around having 3 boys and being done. I have to try to remind myself what got me here in the first place. That I gave it a try and if I failed that I would just get over it. In hindsight it's not as easily done as said!
    The feelings that I am fighting the most and are smothered with guilt are: why did I even bother? Of course I wouldn't get what I wanted. I really thought putting myself through this again would be worth it in the end cause I would have my girl, but I don't. Now I have a 3rd that I wasn't honestly really wanting and now that has completely blown the dream of ever having a girl. I thought about not getting pregnant at all so that I could leave that dream wide open... Like if I never tried I wouldn't have the chance to fail... Maybe this will be my mindset to not try again!
    I am ready to have this little guy so I can tell him over and over how sorry I am I feel this way, I just don't want to feel it anymore! Even now thinking of him here brings butterflies to my tummy because I know I'm going to fall in love with him. I'm going to try to stay strong and not keep trying and be happy with what I have... Unless of course I win the lottery and can afford HT and a surrogate;p
    I'll be back to vent more and I totally get it Tiff, although I think you are stronger than me at 4.
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    Had my first and only little girl Emmerson oct 19,2014 right on her due date!
    Hoping I stop calling her 'little dude, bud' and him real soon

  5. #5
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    NCBeachyGrl's Avatar
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    Tiff - I am right there with you. I am sad, depressed, upset, and feel horrible for having all of those feelings. the only way I can cope right now is plan my sway for #4. I never wanted 3, much less 4, but I feel like it is what I am supposed to do. And who knows, maybe once he is here I will be OK and will feel content, but for now the only thing I can do is plan my next sway. Some might think I am crazy for it, but I made a post about having kids close together and everyone has been amazing.

    What are you thinking about doing for your next sway?

    I was out shopping the other day (groveling in my misery) at the toy store. And I saw this super thin, blonde, super model looking lady with a shopping cart. I just knew she would have the most beautiful girl in her buggy or in tow, but all of a sudden 3 boys came around with her. I was shocked! But her boys were so cute and hip. they all had long blonde hair and were wearing the most stylish clothes. It made me smile inside and made me feel normal. I think that is part of my misery...everyone I know has at least one girl and I feel so outcast. Seeing her made me realize that being an all boy mom is special and hopefully this is my plan and having 4 is what I am now meant to do.

    Since I have been planning my next sway, it has made me hopeful, and happy to feel somewhat back to normal. Any distraction now is good and why not plan a sway!
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  6. #6
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    Thank you girls you are all so wonderful and I'm truly blessed to have you all in my life. To go through this alone again I think would be so much worse. xxxxx

    Nc I was thinking of swaying when this one is 4-6 months old I know that sounds mad but I have it in my mind that even if I can't bf for that long my body will be losing weight, no sleep etc
    Maybe starting vitex a month or so after birth so I'm on it for a while too! Also maybe talking to my gp and try to get them to give me some clomid they probably won't but worth asking!?!

    Then I was looking into ht but I'm not sold on the idea it seems so invasive and expensive and may not even work. plus I feel like I would be taking money away from my family, but if I knew it would work defiantly on 1 cycle I would do it and save like mad!

    Thank you girls xx

    Cycle 1: HRC march 2014 -NT- 14 retrieved, 3 fertilised, 3 to testing, all xy 1 normal.
    Cycle 2: HRC August 2014 -1 HB SEEN (EDD 14th may 2015)- 12 retrieved, 10 fertilised, 9 to testing, 3xy 6xx. 6 normals 2xy 4xx


  7. #7
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    I looked into HT too and I just don't think it is for me. It is so expensive and there is no guarantee it would work and you have to put your body through hell. I think it is great for those that are doing it, but I just can't justify spending that much on something that might/ might not work.

    I want to start vitex a month PP and then start the LE diet too...not strict but start skipping bfast and dieting. And then I am thinking Nov we would start TTC. DH works crazy hours and is very tired, could gain a little weight, and will not be as focused on working out in the winter so I think that could be good.
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  8. #8
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    You ladies are braver than I! Maybe I will rethink things and be more positive and sway again but as of now i am too scared to try again. I tried and I failed. I am too afraid to do that again... Although doing it while bf and all your other ideas get me thinking hmmmm maybe. But then that would be it and I'm afraid of that too:/
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    Had my first and only little girl Emmerson oct 19,2014 right on her due date!
    Hoping I stop calling her 'little dude, bud' and him real soon

  9. #9
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    I think things would be easier if I had gone into this with the mindset that I am 100% done. Then I could just accept it and try to move on the best I could...like Mummypink. So, if I do have a #4, I know that is it and the door will be closed for the next 10 years at least! LOL!!!
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  10. #10
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    That sounds good nc.
    I'm not sure 100% yet with the diet it stressed me out so much counting cals etc before so maybe dieting but a much more relaxed but ruffly keeping to the principles of the le or maybe just going veg for a while! God I'm so indecisive atm!
    I think over stress things and over worry so going to try and do it all calmly!! If that's possible!!
    xx

    Cycle 1: HRC march 2014 -NT- 14 retrieved, 3 fertilised, 3 to testing, all xy 1 normal.
    Cycle 2: HRC August 2014 -1 HB SEEN (EDD 14th may 2015)- 12 retrieved, 10 fertilised, 9 to testing, 3xy 6xx. 6 normals 2xy 4xx


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