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  1. #1
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    Northern_Shutterbug's Avatar
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    Why do I keep doing this to myself?

    Since the beginning I knew this was another boy, deep down it was there. The pregnancy has been identical to my boys, whereas Evelyn was so different.

    At our 12 week scan the tech was 90% sure it was a boy and wouldn't change, the nub is obviously a boy.

    But I still do stupid online predictors, that go off old wives takes and each one days GIRL. I go searching for tales of nubs that went the other way, or where they'd been told boy all along but it was a girl at the birth.

    Why do I keep torturing myself? I know it's going to hurt so much again at the scan tomorrow when they say there's still a huge nub there that's unlikely to go down or turn girly. I know I'll cry on the way home and when I'm alone I'll let those all consuming, can't breathe, body convulsing sobs come out. I know I'll look at all the mums I know and secretly hate that they have girls. I know my husband will be hurting on the inside too but try to be positive about another boy, and I know I'll hate my body for letting him down, for letting us think that we'd be getting our girl with our angel, for not protecting her. I know my boys will ask if they're getting a sister like Evelyn and it'll break my heart saying no and seeing my littlest not understand why he can't have the sister he so desperately wants to play house with. Then on Monday when we finally tell my parents the first thing my dad will ask is if its the granddaughter he's been waiting for, one to take the place of Evelyn, who he was just so excited to be finally getting, instead I'll tell him it's another boy, another boy he won't know how to deal or play with and I'm dreading seeing his disappointed face.

    I didn't think gender desire would hit me this strong. I got it in my head that I'd swayed so well. The stats for a girl on clomid were so high I would be guaranteed a baby girl. I was so foolish and tomorrow at that scan I just know it'll hit me like a ton of bricks.
    since 2005 2008 2010.

    When our dream became a nightmare
    http://www.20-week-countdown.blogspot.com

    Failed sway due April 2014


  2. #2
    Moderator
    dloui128's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, I can't even imagine what you have gone through, I wish I could just give you a hug


    2007 2008 2012

  3. #3
    Swaying Advice Coach
    atomic sagebrush's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry Northern, I don't even have the words to say. If there was a way I could fix it I would.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    LOOKING FOR YOUR SWAY PLAN? Have you checked the coaching forum? It will be posted in the same place your questionnaire is! https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/completed-questionnaires-and-private-coaching-access/

    LE Diet Ideas Threads: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54174-brand-sparkly-pink-new-diet-thread-girl-sways.html and here:https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54926-le-diet-thread.html?highlight=le+diet+meal+ideas

    LE Diet PCOS idea thread here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/47264-le-diet-pcos.html

    PLEASE STOP SENDING ME SWAYING QUESTIONS VIA PRIVATE MESSAGE. Post swaying questions in the forums ONLY.

  4. #4
    Dream Vet
    Dana-Alicia's Avatar
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    Your sadness really struck me, so so sorry you're feeling this way. I also wish there was something I could do to help you. Please hang in there.
    Mummy to a girl, born sleeping & two gorgeous & loud little boys

  5. #5
    IVF Advice Coach
    nuthinbutpink's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry you are struggling. Counseling may be a good idea to help process all of this. Losing Evelyn is still so fresh and talking to someone IRL may help. I wish swaying could be a guarantee but it's just not and in HT we are looking for more international HT options that are more affordable. Maybe that's something you can consider and plan for at some point.
    Mom to

    and my IVF/PGD

    It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did that" than to look back and say "I wish I did that".

    New to IVF/PGD for Family Balancing? Read this- Understanding IVF/PGD- a HT Guide for those New to the IVF/PGD Process

    Need a Natural Swaying Plan? Naturally sway for a boy or a girl- Personalized Swaying Plans

    Become a Dream Member to access the private forums

  6. #6
    Moderator
    The Anchor's Avatar
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    I don't have the words, my heart is breaking for you. Stay strong, and know that we are here for you
    Sept 2008 & successful boy sway June 2010.
    M/C Oct 2012

    Is DE in my future?

  7. #7
    Dream Vet
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    oh hun, i wish i could stop you feeling so heartbroken. i have no idea how painful it must feel hearing boy after you were so close to a girl. I was heartbroken enough hearing boy without a glimpse of my dream. I can only tell you, like many ladies here also will, that once he is here you wouldnt swop him for anything, just like with your first two. Something inside us just kicks in and we cant help but love them... and sometimes even moreso because of how we felt in the beginning. Dont torture yourself with predictors though i know its easier said than done. Take each day one day at a time and let yourself feel sad as thats the way you will come to terms with it. We are all here for you x
    2007 2010 2012 2015

  8. #8
    Dream Vet
    deaks66's Avatar
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    meant to add... i always said no to 4 but here i am trying my hardest to get there and i truly cant wait!
    2007 2010 2012 2015

  9. #9
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    Thinking of you Northern.

  10. #10
    Dream Vet
    Northern_Shutterbug's Avatar
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    Scan today and she's very sure it's a boy. I'll post the DVD we're getting but looks certain
    since 2005 2008 2010.

    When our dream became a nightmare
    http://www.20-week-countdown.blogspot.com

    Failed sway due April 2014


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