One last chance for Baby girl
Hey, I don’t often come on here anymore as I’m so busy with 5 kids but happened to see your post and it really struck a chord so just wanted to give you some reassurance.
I was in your situation except with 4 boys and me approaching 40 and DH approaching 50 and so ridiculously desperate for a little girl. DH had agreed but as soon as I had my iud removed we starting having the same issues - he was suddenly either too tired, ill or couldn’t finish.
I was beyond depressed and constantly in tears and our marriage began to suffer.
I could see that he desperately didn’t want to disappoint me but the added pressure of knowing exactly when we needed to dtd was making it impossible for him. Then I would become angry and frustrated and he’d feel even more inadequate and even more desperate to be able to do what was needed of him. It was a vicious circle.
I decided I had to take the pressure off and told him we would stop trying and just see what happened. In reality I carried on as before and was strict with my diet and opks. I made sure we had time alone so that we could do e4d even if it meant booking a day off work or waking up super early. Instead of being stressed and reminding him how important dtd was I made sure we had lots of affection that didn’t have to lead to dtd and reminded him how good a dad he was to the boys and how proud I was of him as a husband. Basically I had to rebuild his confidence whilst secretly keeping a tight grip on my sway but going it alone. It was tough for a while but I was amazed how quickly it worked. We were soon doing e4d with none of the issues he was having before. Inbetween e4d or outside of my fertile window I would make sure I made him finish in other ways too so that it took the focus of always having to be inside of me.
At first it was a very conscious switch from feeling like he was to blame for my desperate state of mind to reminding myself that he was feeling like the responsibility for my happiness was all on his shoulders.
Sorry for the long reply but reading your post I just really felt for you and wanted to offer you an alternative to giving up which is exactly how I was feeling.
That was 2 and a half years ago and we now have a beautiful, mischievous 15 month old daughter who has completed our family and the relief of not having to deal with gender disappointment anymore is indescribable.
I wish more than anything that all the ladies on here get to feel that too.
Sending you a virtual hug and the strength to give that final push to follow your dream. I am proof that it really is possible even when it feels like you have reached the end of the line.
Hope this helps a little x
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