I think the doc gave away my surprise!!

[1pinkwish]

I had my 38 wk apt today, and even though I have had 3 u/s since 20 wks I have done really well at not getting any gender clues whatsoever. My doc KNOWS the reason that I did not find out this time was because I was told wrong the last time, and it even put me to the point of being on antidepressants that HE prescribed.

So, anyway, I had another u/s today to confirm position and size of the baby. And when he was doing the leg measurements, he completely turned the screen away from me, saying, "I'm in the area and I don't want you to see anything." I thanked him, and just laughed a little.

Then when the u/s was over, I asked, "So, do you know what it is now?" And he replied, "Yeah, I'm very sure, but as YOU know, they are not 100%. But, I'm really, REALLY sure that it is what I think it is." And I just laughed again. Then, I said, "Oh, what was the heartrate?"

He quickly replied, "Oh man, I completely forgot to check! But SHE was moving all around, so I know HER heart is beating." My heart nearly STOPPED!! I thought, OH MY GOSH!! I KNOW HE DID NOT JUST DO THAT! I didn't say anything, and just tried to ignore the whole statement. But then he said something else referring to the baby as SHE again!!! UGH!!! I don't even know what to think!!

Obviously, I'm HOPING beyond HOPE that it IS a girl!! But, I didn't want to be told by u/s again cause after my experience the last time I know they can be wrong. And, I know that gender determination at 38 wks is NOT RELIABLE AT ALL!! Why did he do this?! UGH!!

And I know sometimes docs refer to all the babies as a specific pronoun, but he has NEVER referred to this baby by pronoun before AND it was right after him making it clear that he thinks he really KNOWS what the baby is.

And then the other thought is he could be trying to throw me off by using the opposite pronoun, but wouldn't that just be mean?! He knows I have 3 boys, he knows that I was told incorrectly girl the last time and it sent me into major depression, and he knows that I'm REALLY hopeful this one is a girl! I can't imagine anyone being cruel enough to try to "throw me off" my using girl pronouns in my situation!

I just don't even know how to feel at the moment! I didn't even tell my hubby that this happened, and I was at the u/s all by myself.

[nuthinbutpink]

Oh man. I would think it was a girl for sure but man is that scary to do! Geez. I don't think he would try and say she to make you think girl so either he just had "she" on the brain or it is a girl! How exciting!! 38 weeks is hard to tell but it would totally depend on position. I had a late u/s scan with DD3 and you could not tell at that point due to how she was crammed in there but it is possible to see I am sure!

Can't wait until you find out for sure! I am sure you are spinning now!

[1pinkwish]

This is exactly what I didn't want!! I did not want one moment of "maybe" to mess with my head! I just don't know how to feel at the moment!

[nuthinbutpink]

Well, it's truly still a surprise! I know you didn't want false hope to creep in but certainly you are hoping just a little! I hope you are! It may have been a slip of the tongue, he is only human and he had forgotten to do something so he may have been flustered.

[lindi]

I would try so hard to forget about it, esp given what happened to you. This would be impossible for me! BUT just will yourself to stop thinking about it anytime it enters your mind. I've tried mind things like this before, like wearing a rubber band around your wrist and when your mind goes there- just snap the band and tell yourself to think about something else. It's what our own mind does turning the information around and around... guessing and hoping and second guessing...oh, It would be soooo hard if it were me to have that happen! You'll never know if he had a motivation or a slip up.

[atomic sagebrush]

What a poop! I am so praying that this has a happy ending.

I would be kinda encouraged but I do know that doctors see people all day long and he could have just gotten in the habit of saying "her" and "she" out of political correctness, maybe he refers to all babies that way so as not to appear gender biased.

After my ultrasound with DS 4 my doctor (who is actually the greatest doctor EVER) walked in and said, "So, it's a girl!" He knew I wanted a girl but obviously not the extent of it. He was joking but I didn't realize it for a few seconds, I actually had a horrible moment where my hopes went sky high and then I realized it was a joke and all I will say is that is not a moment that I would ever wish on my worst enemy.

[1pinkwish]

I don't know if it was intentional or accidental. I sure wish he hadn't of said anything at all. But, I do think that with him knowing all that I have been through, he wouldn't intentionally play with my emotions like that. If he would, that makes him a very mean person!! And that is just not who I've known him to be.

So, now I'm swinging back and forth from slightly excited to completely terrified! This baby just needs to hurry and get here so that I can just know 100% once and for all!