why am i like this? (sensitive post)

[colorinme]

Hi, i have an issue, i don't have a child yet, and i know that having one will not change my life in anyway, except hopefully add to my happiness i live in a place where girls are second best, but this only adds to my sensitivity towards them, i hurt when someone talks to their girl harshly, i cry when they are illtreated, i am always trying to make sure a girl is not being maltreated, everything about little girls touches me so much more than it does with boys,i don't know how i got this way? But when the same thing happens to a boy; i don't feel it...why? I am so concerned about girls, why? I am not a feminist, i really do not like women that much tho am one, i do get along with other women but it's nothing special so i am def not a feminist, on the other hand, i like men, but i have few male relationships DH included of cause.My question is why am i so partial? I am about to start a family and if i am blessed with both genders i wonder if i would favour one gender over another, i am already doing it to other people's children and i can't help it, so would having mine make it all change?

[Mrs_P]

i never wanted a boy before my sons and couldn't understand why anyone would choose a male child - boys were just mucky and dirty and so not for me. Then i hit 10 weeks pregnant with my first, convinced he was a boy i got my head around it - was besotted with my baby but did worry once he became a boy and not a baby i would find it hard to stay attached to him - other peoples boys just did nothing for me at all - him and his brothers have had my heart since the first moment i saw them and honestly i would not trade them for all the girls in the world - i'm still not keen on other peoples little boys but my little men and the best things that ever happened to me and i love them more than i ever felt possible.

Whatever you get you will love you baby - just because its yours and you will fall in love easily. Motherhood is an amazing journey, enjoy it and try not to worry x

[Princess of Pink]

Just wanted to add that if you think having a child won't change your life in any way you are in for a rude shock! Having a child changes your life in every way.

[hotdogz&boyz]

I have to agree that if you think a child will not change your life in any way other than a positive way...it's gonna be a very hard adjustment to life as a mother. Children are fabulous blessings who bring lots of joy into the lives of their parents. But they are also life sucking little critters who leave their parents begging for sleep, quiet, and a bit of sanity. There is no aspect of life that remains the same after having a child. You are forever choosing to put someone else before yourself. It's life altering.

BUT, I also agree that you reacting to mistreatment of other children is probably irrelevant to how you will feel about your own children. Them being your flesh and blood is a huge thing and you will love them equally, yet differently. You may still have a soft spot in your heart for female children, always wanting them to be treated better and cringing when someone speaks to them harshly. But chances are that you will have soft spots in your heart for things about a son that might surprise you. I think it's a normal fear of non-parents and those who only have one child...how you can love two people equally and not have a "favorite." But it's something you can't understand until you get to that point. Each child has their own characteristics that endear them to their parents. No matter gender, age, special needs, or any other factor. You will be fine when you get there.

For what it's worth, I think it's somewhat normal to "stick up for the underdog," which is what your bias could be attributed to given the general mood of your country regarding gender. I have a slight soft spot for young boys because of how they are viewed by many. Rough, dirty, and loud. I have not found that to be the case at all and therefore I tend to have a soft spot for little boys. But I am not concerned about being "less" adoring of my daughter. I know she will fill a hole in me that I really didn't even know was there. It's the beauty of parenting.

[prayforaboy]

Hi colorinme
I also come from a culture where boys are considered superior... and I am very much like you... always favored girls... feel very very deeply connected to a girl child... can't see them suffering.... on and on.
and yet I wanted my first child to be a boy ( to get family pressure off my shoulder....and have daughter later so that she can be a spoiled baby girl) ... anyways I have a beautiful daughter ( I had mild gender disappointment with her) ... I love her to pieces and feel very very connected to her.... and I like doing girly stuff and..... yet I am longing for a boy. I don't know if I will connect the same way if I have a son but I really want one for my wonderful husband. We will stop after 2 and I am hoping and praying for this child to be a boy. I feel like I am so weird... knowing I am girly girly and still wanting a son so bad.

[Cauliflower]

Hmmmm, how many brothers and sisters do you have? We are 3 sisters, born to a culture which favors boys. Always felt kind of unwanted and not good enough. One thing I knew lit my father up was talk about education. So I worked hard, and got my university degree and that way was seen...not just as a burdon but as a person. It was important to prove that to my father.
Today I have 2 boys, thanking God every day. I want a girl, but sometimes the thought of a girl makes me sad and fills me with anxiety too. Will I feel burdoned? Just like my parents? will she have to prove to me she is worth something? What if she disappoints us, will that prove my parents were right abt girls....
I really am not sure if I want that daughter (sadly never had a mother-daughter relationship with my mom), or if it is just to make the family complete in everyone elses minds.....

[prayforaboy]

Cauliflower - we are 2 sisters and one brother... of course bro being the youngest.... and he always got all the privileges and stuff. But our parents gave us equal opportunity to study and me and my sister did very well in our careers... bro is still struggling and I hope he settles pretty soon. Yes you are right I had to prove myself that I am good enough or worth something if not as much as a boy. My father is a wonderful man. But what bugs me about myself is WHY THE HELL I WANT A BOY SO BAD ? may be because my husband is a wonderful man and I want him to feel the connection I have with my daughter. But no matter what is the gender of my new baby.... I will never let my daughter(s) feel that they are second to anything.

[Cauliflower]

Prayforbaby!
Good to hear that you and your sister did well. You just want a boy because you dont have one, and I want a girl because I ae not experienced having a girl, and it would be exciting and something new. and we both know we will be happy with any gender as long as the baby is healthy and happy in the end... I am sure.

hugs

[colorinme]

Thanks for your replies. To anwser your questions about my family, my parents had four of us; one boy(the first) and three girls(am in the middle). My society is bad but not too bad as things are changing, however, we never felt it in my family, as my mother was such a strong woman, she was an officer in the millitary, besides this, she is an achiever in so many other spheres, so we females never felt like we were not good enough, we had such a good example of how strong and fulfilled a woman can be, we also got the best education and we all have good careers now. I remember wishing my mum would have one more lil sister for me, i even had an imaginary lil sister, why didn't i want a brother after two sisters?! I just don't want to be partial but i feel i would be, i want to like boys just as much, I want to love my children equally regardless of gender. Thanks for telling me it all changes when they are yours