Stereotypes hurt, and trying to understand each other

[Houseofblue]

I am so glad to see Gender Dreaming doesn't have a million of those "things that suck about having boys/girls" threads that I used to see on IG, which I know were very hurtful to me and other moms.

I believe those of us on the Gender Desire board are here b/c we want what we don't have. We love our boys or girls, but we want to experience the opposite.

But I will say that after each u/s, GD hit me hard. And it didn't help to read posts (on other GD sites) by boy moms going on and on about all the things they're missing out on by not having a girl, or girl mom support threads where they comforted each other by listing sucky things about boys (ouch!). I've read a couple posts like that here but nowhere near as bad as the other sites I used to post on.

Boy moms are JUST as guilty as girl moms with that last bit (comforting each other and ourselves by saying negative things about the gender we don't have). I will shamefully admit I was guilty too in the past. When my GD was at it's worst I admit I bought into the negative girl stereotypes to make myself feel better. I knew deep down they were just stereotypes, but I was upset and wanted to feel better. The thing is though, they didn't make me feel better.

I want to just come out and say that we can comfort each other by listing positive things about the gender we have without putting down the gender we don't. It hurts all of us when we do the latter.

While all stereotypes have SOME slight truth in them, it really is only slight. Whether boys or girls, we are all INDIVIDUALS. I think those of us that have multiple children of the same gender can really see how different our boys or girls are even though they're the same gender! I know mine are.

Having a son does not mean he is going to leave you, boy mom. My dad was (he is deceased) my grandmother's best friend. He called her every day of his life, they were inseparable. But then his brother (my uncle) was just never that close to her. Same thing with daughters...I've met girls who hated their moms and sisters and never got along, and then I've seen some that have the closest, most awesome relationships ever! My sister and I have always been close, we never even really fought as kids...really! My mom and I went through a tough time when I was younger but we are VERY close now and talk every day. Gender does not define how your relationship will be with your son or daughter...it is circumstances, life experiences, and the way your personalities mesh that will determine that.

I never want to see another thread about how boys are "difficult" or girls are "b*tchy" (by the way, REALLY hate it when grown women use the B word about little girls!). Puberty and the teenage years are hard for both genders. Some kids have an easier time and others harder. My sister went through a really bad time as a teen...she shoplifted, cussed out my parents, was drinking and doing drugs, sneaking out etc....meanwhile, I was pretty close to perfect and never gave my parents any grief. Again, it's all about personality and circumstance (my sister had a big mouth and sassy personality that got her into trouble, and she was hanging around a rough crowd while I surrounded myself with goody-two-shoes types and my personality is very low-key).

I also think feelings can be hurt because of the way having all one gender can make us feel. I have never admitted this before, but having all boys makes me feel sometimes like I'm not feminine enough to make a girl. I was surprised to read on here posts by girl moms saying they sometimes feel like they are too "weak" to make a boy. Of course, both are ridiculous and not true in the slightest. It's sad that both of us (boy moms and girl moms) are sitting here feeling less of a woman for not producing the opposite gender when honestly there is nothing more womanly and bad-a$$ than creating life! And some of us have done it many times.

All of this said, I still struggle at times with the fact that I still don't have a daughter. I will be ttc soon and knowing this is my last shot I worry how I will take it if I hear boy again. <sigh> I am thankful for how supportive everyone is on this board without being negative, cause I know I'll need you guys if my sway doesn't go my way.

Thanks for listening to my rambling if you got this far lol!

[atomic sagebrush]

[Dreamofpink]

^^^ WSS!!!

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[Houseofblue]

Thanks guys I love all the love on here!!!

[nuthinbutpink]

Thank you for taking the time to write down your thoughts. We should all support one another. There is enough negative energy in the world, no need to add anything further.

spreadpositivity.jpg

[zebaniee]

Thanks for your post. I have always felt that I have let down my partner by not being able to provide him with a son. In particular to pass on his last name as this seems to be a big thing for him. Instead he is blessed with three beautiful girls who think he can do nothing wrong...but I can tell them otherwise lol.

[Houseofblue]

Hugs zebaniee! I have heard girl moms say this many times and it's interesting to me b/c I have never given a rat's a$$ about passing on my dh's family name lol. It really doesn't matter unless you are royalty, and let's face it, none of us are. I have never liked that whole patriarchal thing about passing down the husband's name...why the heck isn't the wife's name just as important?? I mean a child is 50% wife! Stupid if you ask me.
Btw, I feel equally like I am letting my dh down because he SO wants a Daddy's Girl!!!

[Hobbermittens]

Good luck! I hope you get your baby girl!

[Houseofblue]

Good luck! I hope you get your baby girl!

Thanks Hobbermittens, I hope so too!!

[emmake]

thank you for your lovely post, i enjoyed reading it, hope you get your daughter soon, good luck!


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