Horrible day...anybody else with me?!?

[WillowsGirl]

Can't believe that conversation at all. How could anyone say that. Without a man her precious daughter wouldn't be there anyway!

I'm having a bad day. Maybe it's hormones but I'm just down today. My three best friends all have girls, I am the only sole boy mom. And my friend with a pigeon pair is still despairing over being pregnant with her second boy. I know I'm just whining, but this is the place for that right?

[motherofboys]

It's definitely the place for it WillowsGirl. It's hard when everyone around you has a girl. I know there are those who will be looking at us and thinking how lucky we are to have boys. It feels for me like almost everyone I know has one of each and so no one can possibly begin to understand how I feel.

The woman's comments hurt most because I feel that people do place more value on girls in my community. There's always the "will you try again for a girl" "bet you'd like a girl wouldn't you" questions. It does make you feel like they are saying your boys are second prize.


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[lisvna]

The woman's comments hurt most because I feel that people do place more value on girls in my community. There's always the "will you try again for a girl" "bet you'd like a girl wouldn't you" questions. It does make you feel like they are saying your boys are second prize.


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I wonder if they would make the same comments if we had only girls? Would they ask us if we try again for a boy? Probably they will.....aren't we sometimes too sensitive about these comments?

[motherofboys]

I think we are too sensitive at times. Most of the people obviously don't see a problem with the questions and there must be people who are not as bothered by only having one gender as we are. I mean one time I was asked this question I was sat in a room with 4 other women and between us we had 13 boys and 1 girl. I have 4, another had 4, 2 had 2 each and the last had 1 of each. And it was the one with 4 who asked and said she couldn't cope with 5 boys. So perhaps the fact I was getting another shot was a sore point for her.
But if I had stopped after my 2nd son, I'd have been quite happy. At that stage I felt incredibly lucky to have got 2 boys. So there has to be those out there who are happy with their lot. And so don't think it's upsetting to ask those questions.

I'm not sure if I was rambling then, if so please ignore it lol

Today was a better day all round


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[WantingPink]

I saw a post on my FB the other day. Friend of mine has 2 girls and is PG again and was announcing it was a girl. She got the same comments... the "well maybe next time it will be a boy" and "you can only make girls (directed at the DH)". People just don't understand how hurtful comments like that can be. Almost always from people with a PP.

[motherofboys]

Some people don't stop to think. And some people I think want a reaction, so want you to say "hold on a minute!"


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[2boysJustOneGirl]

Only moms of sons can know how we feel. Mothers of all daughters cannot relate to what we are experiencing even though they are having their own grief. All humans want what the don't have! It's a law! But the grief over no daughter cannot be the same as a grief over no son. We want each gender for different reasons, fulfilling different needs.

A mom who raises daughters is very different than one with with sons based on the life experiences those kids will bring. For instance my mom was here for the birth of my second son, met him first and I was happy she was. My MIL wasn't invited. I know not all ppl have a good mother daughter bond like I do but I think bc of that bond and my desire for a girl, I would do all things possible to make that bond with my own. I also know some women (not me!) enjoy their mother inlaw and may include her more than others. It's all circumstantial.

Anyway what I do know is that yesterday I attended a birthday party with my boys and I was the only mother with all sons there. And I didn't feel like an outcast. In fact it wasn't until I got home I realized the case was so. So maybe this will all hurt less and less for me. And you ladies too.

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[from2to3]

Somedays I really think I will never be happy again. Always in the back of my mind is that daughter, the one who doesn't exist. On the bad days, when I am so tired and drained from my two boys, I accept never having another baby, never having my girl because I can barely handle two kids, never mind three. And with that acceptance comes so much grief I am almost numb. Imagine grieving something you never had? I didn't ever think it was I possible. Hoping tomorrow is brighter...if not perhaps Easter chocolate can help? Lol


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This was so me, especially last year. I could go on and on.... No matter what, we love the children we do have so much but we can't help wonder and wish for that little girl (or boy) we don't have/might not ever get.

I think it is a different dynamic, especially when you have more than one boy. I know someone that has a boy and a girl and thinks I shouldn't be upset at all having 3 boys. She thinks boys are easier, but what she doesn't understand is that when you have more than one it changes things. As in, the rowdiness in them seems to come out more than when they have a sister instead, and sometimes birth order can influence that too. She talks to me about how hard and picky her daughter is, but you know what? I bet she wouldn't trade her for another boy and not get that experience of a daughter.

Anyways, we couldn't (esp I) get over this feeling so we finally decided to go for #3, even though there were days I thought I couldn't possibly handle three children and have always only wanted two!! When I felt like we had hope for a girl, it was weird...it almost made me more patient and appreciative of my boys! I also wanted to make sure they never felt like I didn't love them as much. Unfortunately it didn't work for us and we are pregnant with boy #3 now. But I am hoping once this little man comes, I will realize that a lot of my emotion/dissatisfaction/incompleteness (whatever you want to call it) was because I really wanted another child and a bigger family. I hope he gives us a feeling of completeness so that I can finally let go of that little girl I've dreamed about and thought about for so long.

Good luck to you, and hope you are able to make the right choice and feel good and content!

[motherofboys]

I hate that people think one gender is harder than another. I'm often told I'm lucky having boys as they are easier but then someone else will tell me boys are harder as they are so hyper and unruly.
I agree that it changes things having lots of boys. I think an alpha male gene kicks in and they start fighting for supremacy same as if you get a group of girl together the b*tchiness starts.
I also have a friend with one of each that insists boys are easier, but then sits laughing about how I'm the only one with out a girl and she asked with ds1 if I was disappointed he was a boy, and she didn't want a boy at all herself so I know she wouldn't trade her pp for my 4x DS.
I too find the days I think I will never have a girl I feel so sad that I become impatient. The days I feel like we can try and that we have a chance, I feel much more positive and patient and then I even feel like as long as there's a chance it doesn't matter if it's another boy.



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[princessCharlotte]

hugs ladies. I feel the same and glad there is such a thread for us to let out.
My bestie just announced she is having a gal (#1 was boy). Can you imagine the feeling that I was in tears when I sms her "wow that great!" It even hurt me when she said she is fine with any gender for #2 yet got a girl while my heart ached for a daughter yet DS2 was born.
I trying to walk out from it by bonding more with my boys.