Is better to not find out sex till birth if wanting specific gender ?

[atomic sagebrush]

She never came back to update, unfortunately. She just posted this one time and then that was it.

[Pronoia]

Still a valid question.

With DD1, we were told the wrong sex in a very early US (12 weeks). I'd prepared for a boy throughout the pregnancy and was then crushed to find out that she was in fact a she, even though I'd originally wanted a girl, sort of, whatever. I felt like I'd lost a child I'd been preparing for. Weird.

With DD2, I really wanted that boy. I'm not sure I'd have so much 'gender desire' ever if not for that 'lost' boy brought on by the US mistake. So I obsessed over wanting a boy but never asked for the sex. She was born amazing and big and healthy and beautiful and it was a great birth experience.

With DS, the US was WRONG AGAIN. What are the chances?! I was expecting a third girl, and it didn't matter as much, because it was a high-risk pregnancy and I was down anyway. It ended in an emergency C-section and he was a preemie. It was so urgent it had to be under general anaesthesia. When they woke me up they said it was a boy and that was a shock. A kind of positive one, that was a good little thing in a sea of bad stuff. Like, we're all in for a lot of heartache and pain, but we now have a boy too, which is fun, new, and good. Sounds horrible now, but that's what I felt while shivering and passing out after the C-section.

So, I guess I'd advise against an ultrasound. A child is always a pleasant surprise, whatever's between their legs. They're all unique. And great.

[atomic sagebrush]

Thanks for this, Pronoia. People being told gender too early (12 weeks is too early) I think is a huge contributing factor to gender disappointment and I think it's downright criminal that some ultrasound techs are just tossing that info out there like some kind of guarantee for people.

[ChezIBY]

Still a valid question.

With DD1, we were told the wrong sex in a very early US (12 weeks). I'd prepared for a boy throughout the pregnancy and was then crushed to find out that she was in fact a she, even though I'd originally wanted a girl, sort of, whatever. I felt like I'd lost a child I'd been preparing for. Weird.

With DD2, I really wanted that boy. I'm not sure I'd have so much 'gender desire' ever if not for that 'lost' boy brought on by the US mistake. So I obsessed over wanting a boy but never asked for the sex. She was born amazing and big and healthy and beautiful and it was a great birth experience.

With DS, the US was WRONG AGAIN. What are the chances?! I was expecting a third girl, and it didn't matter as much, because it was a high-risk pregnancy and I was down anyway. It ended in an emergency C-section and he was a preemie. It was so urgent it had to be under general anaesthesia. When they woke me up they said it was a boy and that was a shock. A kind of positive one, that was a good little thing in a sea of bad stuff. Like, we're all in for a lot of heartache and pain, but we now have a boy too, which is fun, new, and good. Sounds horrible now, but that's what I felt while shivering and passing out after the C-section.

So, I guess I'd advise against an ultrasound. A child is always a pleasant surprise, whatever's between their legs. They're all unique. And great.

Agree with you, a hundred percent!! The question is still valid. And oh my gosh, they were wrong TWICE for you? What are the odds indeed! You're quite the champ, soldiering through all of that... Thanks so much for sharing your feedback, because I am wondering about next time around - I do plan to sway, but am actually considering swaying and then not finding out the gender till D-day to avoid feeling disappointed if the sway 'fails' and having to answer everyone's questions. (Cause hopefully one is so happy once D-day rolls round that the 'disappointment' passes one by? Though it depends on the woman apparently, some here have mentioned that they'd always prefer to find out right away, like ripping a band-aid off).

Mind if I ask whether you are still swaying for a future child or just hanging out on the forums? Always appreciate reading stories of women who've been there and done that

[laurelw]

Im going to get them to write the gender down at the scan so I can read at home in private and cry and deal with it there if needed


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[Pronoia]

Agree with you, a hundred percent!! The question is still valid. And oh my gosh, they were wrong TWICE for you? What are the odds indeed! You're quite the champ, soldiering through all of that... Thanks so much for sharing your feedback, because I am wondering about next time around - I do plan to sway, but am actually considering swaying and then not finding out the gender till D-day to avoid feeling disappointed if the sway 'fails' and having to answer everyone's questions. (Cause hopefully one is so happy once D-day rolls round that the 'disappointment' passes one by? Though it depends on the woman apparently, some here have mentioned that they'd always prefer to find out right away, like ripping a band-aid off).

Mind if I ask whether you are still swaying for a future child or just hanging out on the forums? Always appreciate reading stories of women who've been there and done that

Sorry to only reply now - I was a member of several similar forums during my second and third pregnancies and now just visit very occasionally. It's just amazing how much the perspective can shift and I guess I tend to come back as a reminder of how focused I was on something that I no longer even remember - yes, because I got the boy, not despite not getting one, but still I wonder about the obsession. I now look at all-boy and all-girl families and they all seem just beautiful.

[atomic sagebrush]

Congrats! Hope your little boy is doing well.

[Throwaway_panther]

Sorry to only reply now - I was a member of several similar forums during my second and third pregnancies and now just visit very occasionally. It's just amazing how much the perspective can shift and I guess I tend to come back as a reminder of how focused I was on something that I no longer even remember - yes, because I got the boy, not despite not getting one, but still I wonder about the obsession. I now look at all-boy and all-girl families and they all seem just beautiful.

This is such a lovely statement.

I am so envious of you though. I know exactly what you mean and I can't wait until I'm finally finished with this journey. I can't wait to look at all boy families and not feel bitter and jealous, because I myself will finally have my boy.

[2curlydolls]

With dd3 the hope and praying it had to be a boy kept me going throughout the pregnancy . When she was born I was happy yes she was healthy and all went well , but it was also a sad day and such a blur the next 3-4 months as my disappointment overwhelmed me . Unfortunately it has tanted her birth and given me birth trauma. I feel like a bad mum everyday for feeling like this. It is a very hard decision.

[ChezIBY]

This is such a lovely statement.

I am so envious of you though. I know exactly what you mean and I can't wait until I'm finally finished with this journey. I can't wait to look at all boy families and not feel bitter and jealous, because I myself will finally have my boy.

*Fervently* May we all get to that place eventually, where Pronoia is now!

Though Panther, when I take a good look at your signature I guess I really have nothing to complain about - those flowers in your signature You really are the strong one <3