Is better to not find out sex till birth if wanting specific gender ?

[Nat8625]

So we have three beautiful girls already so I'm truly blessed I'm pregnant with an unexpected 4th pregnancy. We thought we were done I know deep down hubby is praying for a boy this is our last one. We decided to not find out till birth is this a mistake ? I figured the disappointment will be greater if it's an ultrasound rather then seeing and holding the baby for the first time? I'm happy no matter what it is more hubby I'm worried about


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[familymatters]

For me, I'm so glad I found out at the ultrasound with DS2. I was convinced he was a girl and to learn he was a little boy at 20 weeks meant I could have my little sook and get over it. I bought some cute clothes, picked his name and decorated his nursery. By the time he arrived I was so excited to welcome him into our family. I feel like if I hadn't had found out, I would have been a whole jumble of emotions at the birth. Happy and disappointed at the same time, all the while trying to not let it show - then throw in some post birth hormones and it sounds like a nightmare to me! Each to their own, but I was very relieved to have dealt with my emotions before he arrived.

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[Beau82]

This is one of those questions I'm so torn on.
I only found out the sex with two of my boys, first and fourth. I wasn't leaning one way or another with DS1 and was just excited to be having a baby. With 2 & 3, I didn't really care. I was sort of hoping for another boy with DS2 b/c I really wanted to have boys together. With #3, I knew we were planning on a fourth anyway so I didn't care although I was sort of thinking girl. I had no GD when he was born, not even a lick of it. He was my fastest labour and everything happened so fast that when they put him in my arms, I was just in awe of this little guy who couldn't wait to join us (popped my tailbone he came out so fast!). DH admitted to me a year later that he had a bit of GD b/c he really thought we were having a girl.

With my fourth, I had myself convinced that it was finally our girl and I begged DH to do a 3D ultrasound at a private clinic b/c I was so sure it was a girl that I just couldn't wait to announce it to everyone. When the 3D tech said boy I felt like I was punched in the stomach. I fought back tears on the way home b/c my 3 boys were in the car as well and then I went straight upstairs to cry in bed. I then decided that the tech must have been wrong (she looked for a few minutes and didn't get a good potty shot) so I then worked up some hope that I was baking a girl. I had another scan done a few weeks later where I clearly saw his twig and berries and then dealt with GD all over again. It was a total rollercoaster for me. After that I wondered often if I made a mistake by finding out early. I did get over it before he was born but I wonder if his birth would have been more like DS3's and I would have just been so happy that it was done and over with that I wouldn't have cared one iota what was between his legs.

I will say that the births I look back most fondly on are DS2's and DS3's, the two where we decided to be surprised. It was fun to not decide on a name until we were looking at their faces. DS3 ended up being born on his great grandfather's birthday so that is his middle name.
Good luck with whatever you decide!

[tata]

I have 2 boys . I always thought I was going to have 3 kids . When I got preg of my second boy I was a bit disappointed but it was not as bad as right now . This is my last pregnancy and because you know it's your last it's harder to deal with the disappointment . I m having really strong feelings that this baby I have is a boy . I'm still waiting to find out in a couple more days . I think it's better to grieve the dream of having the desired gender and eventually move on . I think the disappointment at the delivery day would be a bigger hit . I don't know but that my opinion .


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[Nat8625]

Thanks guys some good points there


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[mandyp85]

When I was pregnant with my 4th baby I was desperate for a girl, nub theory said boy but I held on to the hope of a girl and we kept it a surprise and I can honestly say, and I hate myself for it, that I found it difficult when he was born, I had all these emotions flying around, I loved him dearly but I was struggling with the "loss" of the girl I hoped I was having. It sounds terrible as I love him dearly, the same as all my other children. I actually swayed girl for my 5th baby, didn't wanna know what we were having but then at our anatomy scan we saw his goods and there was no denying he was a boy and I dealt with all my feelings by the time he was born and I didn't feel any sadness and I think when I get pregnant next time I will find out again. Having the hope of a girl with my 4th kept alive all the way to the end of my pregnancy for me was a bad thing as it just meant that disappointment was felt when he was born, which is actually really sad. I hope all that makes sense but if I get pregnant again that I would definitely want to know again.

[ever hopeful]

I didn't find out with any of my boys (DD is HT) and it's fair to say I was totally devastated when DS3 was born (in my heart of hearts I thought he was a boy, but kept secretly hoping and praying for a girl). My Ob who delivered all 4 said to me when I was pg with DD, that he has never seen anyone quite so upset in theatre....and I thought I held it together really really well until I was back in the room on my own with DH and DS3 when I sobbed and sobbed. I hated being pg, so not sure how I would have coped for the last 24 weeks if I had known he was a boy. Fair to say I loved him to bits and he's the most wonderful little boy, but I was just so so upset that I thought it meant I'd never get my girl as we had decided 3 was our limit (had to perswuade DH to go for 3). Good luck with your choice and hope you get your son. xx

[Throwaway_panther]

My answer should be taken with a grain of salt, since I'm pregnant with my first (who was not my desired sex, but I didn't know about swaying until already pregnant) and about to give birth (so haven't even yet experienced this magical bonding I've heard so much about!).

I'm very glad I found out before I gave birth. I wanted a boy -- desperately. A lot of very complicated emotional and traumatic factors went into me not wanting a girl, and yet we're having a girl.

We decided to keep the sex to ourselves for a variety of reasons (and probably will do so for any subsequent children).

98% of people think I'm having a boy. My mom is convinced I'm having a boy. Random strangers have even opened conversation with me with, "So having a boy, eh?!" People have ARGUED with me when I've said, "Ehh, I think it's a girl though " with, "No. It's definitely a boy. I'm never wrong, etc."

I can't imagine having had all of these outside comments + my own obsessiveness over gender be dashed as soon as the baby was born. I'd have been devastated. And as devastated as I was by the anatomy scan confirming it was a girl, even having an ultrasound yesterday at 39w6d (where yes, confirmed again baby was a girl), I had NO pangs. My GD definitely still flairs something fierce from unrelated things (going until due date, etc. etc.), but not nearly as bad as back then. And to have had all of that worked through before birth has left me more focus on: future sways, being able to care for my daughter when she IS here, NOT have to work through so many of my underlying issues when she is here and I have no time (since I did so much therapy work while pregnant), etc.

So, my thoughts are generally: find out sooner, because as much as it can "ruin" pregnancy to have all those feelings, I'd much rather have a set amount of time of stress/sadness than to have to wrestle with it when the little one is actually here (and things get even HARDER, PPD, etc.)

[carmella_marie]

There is no way I could make it to birth lol. When I found out my second was a boy at the 16 week US I went into some serious depression. I needed time to get over it before he was born. Thankfully I did and was able to enjoy him as a newborn because I had made my peace with it.

[atomic sagebrush]

I think you guys should find out and give him time to adjust. The last thing you need when you've just given birth is having to deal with his emotional state. For we ladies, we have that nice rush of mama hormones to get us over the gender disappointment but hubby is not so lucky and I think he would benefit from the time to wrap his brain around it before he needs to be there at 110% to help you welcome your new little one.

Good luck and blue dust.