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  1. #1
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    Hopeless and scared

    Hi again! My husband and I made our first attempt recently. It will be a few more days before I can start testing. To be honest Iím hoping it didnít work because I donít think I can possibly get it all right. Swaying pink is so hard. I worry that I wont possibly be able to do enough cardio, that Iíll eat too much, that Iíll plan too much, and that something in the cosmos wont be on my side. I freak out that I havenít managed to get Clomid yet. My appointment isnít for another 2 weeks and I might not even get it. I see families (including my best friend) with three boys and then a girl and think that could be me too. Then I see families with 14 boys and wonder how Iím any different. Iíve also watched YouTube videos of familyís who choose gender selection after multiple failed sways. Why did they have so many failed sways? Iím so terrified that this wont work. I hate the not knowing. The only thing moving me forward is a small glimmer of hope. I donít feel like I was given the desire to raise a daughter for no reason. Am I stupid to sway?
    2007 2009 2011
    Praying and swaying for a to join us in 2020

  2. #2
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    I'm not totally sure what you're asking me but I'll try to help however I can!

    Swaying is of course not a guarantee. But at least some of the people out there have done sways where they were doing things that not only didn't work (timing, pH) while still doing their overall boy friendly lifestyles, but actually may have even been swaying blue (like drinking a gallon of milk and eating a dozen eggs a day, that kind of thing.) So while it is possible to have more than one failed sway, absolutely, it doesn't necessarily mean that swaying is impossible or that it doesn't help.

    The best way to go into swaying is to understand you're just trying to boost your odds. We would practically ALL eventually get our desired gender if we could "Duggar it out". The 14 boy families are extremely extremely rare. but most of us don't want that huge a family and so we are simply trying to boost our chances a little. When I swayed for my girl after 4 boys I went into it with the attitude that I was probably like 80% "set" for boys and if I could just get to 50-50 I'd take the flip of the coin at that point.

    But it's one of those things you have to decide for yourself - do you consider IVF, sway, do nothing and just try again, or even consider walking away with your family as it is? (that is an option!)

    I agree so many of us feel that this drive in our hearts to raise a daughter is a dirty trick! Why make us feel it and then not give us the girl to go with it? But we do totally understand.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    LOOKING FOR YOUR SWAY PLAN? Have you checked the coaching forum? It will be posted in the same place your questionnaire is! https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/completed-questionnaires-and-private-coaching-access/

    LE Diet Ideas Threads: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54174-brand-sparkly-pink-new-diet-thread-girl-sways.html and here:https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54926-le-diet-thread.html?highlight=le+diet+meal+ideas

    LE Diet PCOS idea thread here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/47264-le-diet-pcos.html

    PLEASE STOP SENDING ME SWAYING QUESTIONS VIA PRIVATE MESSAGE. Post swaying questions in the forums ONLY.

  3. #3
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    Thank you so much. You did answer my question. I also think I am looking for an answer that does not exist. I think I want to know if I even have a chance. I also think Iím a little messed up over this. Like my desire may not be healthy and if Iím not pregnant maybe I should wait a few months (stay on the diet of course) and try to work through my emotional issues.
    2007 2009 2011
    Praying and swaying for a to join us in 2020

  4. #4
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    1)Everyone has a chance. We observe this upper window on swaying which seems to be somewhere between 66% and 75% and even with great sways there are still tons of opposites so I really truly believe (and logic dictates) we can all make both boys and girls...because the human race would ahve died out a long time ago if we couldn't! So with swaying, it very well may be that we go from being 75% likely to have a boy to 66% likely to have a girl - and that is still a HUGE HUGE thing! It's not a guarantee but it will give you a better chance than just Duggaring it out.

    I have a couple articles about that here: https://genderdreaming.com/forum/swa...by-gender.html and here: https://genderdreaming.com/forum/gen...make-boys.html

    Here is the thing about "healthy" desires. I have people who come to me and say "my family was screwed up and that is why I want a girl". And then I have people who come to me and say "my family was so idyllic and wonderful and that is why I want a girl". These two groups of people are about 50-50. And you know what that tells me? Is that this is an innate desire that is put into us by God/Mother Nature for some reason. Since modern society has pathologized natural desires into some kind of psychosis, those of us who have any childhood trauma (even when pretty minor; my family has its quirks but it's nothing like what some have gone thru) are pretty much trained/expected to go over our lives with a fine tooth comb looking for some reason we feel the way we do.

    But if it was because of our trauma, because we were broken somehow, then how does that explain the 50% of people with strong gender desires due to their wonderful childhoods and loving parents? It doesn't! We were just soooo brainwashed into expecting that everything we think and feel has to be caused by something wrong inside of us that we went looking for an explanation, and really, who DOESN"T have something in their lives that hurt or upset us or was even traumatic? We all do, so when we go looking for the reason, we find it. But it is probably just something that some of us have in us and some of us don't - because some people don't care, or only want one gender. Our childhoods may make it cut deeper, but the desire was born into us by genes or God and it came first, before all the reasoning and explaining we try to do to justify it in our minds.

    So it's NOT an unhealthy desire! It's a normal and natural desire just like wanting to fall in love, or wanting to have a child at all, wanting to see the ocean if you've never seen it. It is, because it IS. Because the heart wants what it wants. There's nothing pathological about it.

    I have a very clear memory of being 6 years old and suddenly realizing that OMGgosh having babies was something ladies do and I would be a lady someday and that meant that I could have a baby! And I was consumed by the idea, I thought about it constantly, and of course my baby would be a girl! Because I was a girl and it just makes sense that some of us would want that female connection. BEing a girl was something I knew and understood. I named by future daughters a thousand times and thought about how I would raise them and play with them and dress them and over the course of my life, I'd put a LOT of time and effort into thinking about that stuff - not because I was unbalanced but because it was something that was important to me. And now my daughter is 6 and does the same thing - hshe most definitely wants a girl, not a boy, even though I have done nothing but praise baby boys and say how cute they are (not in a weird way, of course, very subtly) because I don't in any way want to set her up for having GD later on. She still has that desire in her. It comes from her, not from anything unhealthy or wrong. It is ok to want to have a same sex child and experience that, and it's ok for those who don't feel that same desire. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with us at all.

    While it's always wise to be in a place where you feel ok with an opposite before TTC, some of these things never really do go away. I will admit I still have some negative feelings of jealousy and even hostility when I see massive numbers of people just get handed a boy and a girl that easily when it took me 21 years, 5 pregnancies, 4 boys, and countless hours of scientific research to manage it. I have some feelings of sorrow that my daughter will never have a sister, some feelings of sorrow that I will never know that second or third girl because I love my 4 sons and they're all so different, I wonder what that would ahve been like with 2-3-4 girls. And I resent not getting a daughter till I was 42 and will probably be dead before she's my age, if not sooner. I still have those feelings to deal with and always will. I think that waiting till you're fully over gender desire...you'll probably never be fully over gender desire. So sway till you feel good about your sway and then try, because feelings are complicated animals and you're going to feel all kinds of ways about this probably forever.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    LOOKING FOR YOUR SWAY PLAN? Have you checked the coaching forum? It will be posted in the same place your questionnaire is! https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/completed-questionnaires-and-private-coaching-access/

    LE Diet Ideas Threads: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54174-brand-sparkly-pink-new-diet-thread-girl-sways.html and here:https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54926-le-diet-thread.html?highlight=le+diet+meal+ideas

    LE Diet PCOS idea thread here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/47264-le-diet-pcos.html

    PLEASE STOP SENDING ME SWAYING QUESTIONS VIA PRIVATE MESSAGE. Post swaying questions in the forums ONLY.

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  6. #5
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    Hey, I just want to add something. I don't know how much sways actually work. I have 5 sons. I come from a HUGE family and everyone had pretty much equal number of boys and girls and never think about it. I did. My husband didn't want any boys. He is one of 4 boys. I wanted my first to be a boy, but 5 was never something I thought in the cards. I have issues with men and definitely didn't imagine being one female in a house of them. They are good kids and I love them but I want a daughter so incredibly much. I thought we were done and then I told my Dh I want to give it one more shot. Honestly I didn't until I was sure, absolutely sure, that i would be okay with boy number 6. I see many failed sways when it comes to moms of multiple boys. 1-2, I thought I saw more successful ones. I went in knowing maybe i was pushing the odds.

    I just got pregnant and honestly I'm fairly certain it is another boy because of my track record. But this time I can say I tried my best to make changes in my life that maybe give me better chances.

    I hope the baby is healthy and that this pg goes to term, as i had 2 MC after pretty dangerous sway tactics. But I have not picked one girl name, only boy, and saved all my blue blankets and hats.

    I believe in G-d, and I know what He chooses will be. No matter how I sway or dont. I just wanted to try.

    Best thing i can tell you is that for the sake of your future child, you come to terms with another boy and consider yourself incredibly lucky if you get your girl. It can happen for you. But it might not. You need to be prepared.

    I tried not to stress and literally swayed the best I could. Now it's out of my hands. Dh and I already planned a name and how we will tell people, should this work out. We hope it will.

    Fx you will get your girl. But know that there are plenty of people who don't. I do believe I'd get one if I keep going, but I cant. My moms friend had 11 boys and then 2 girls when she gave up all hope. By her i assume it was her older DH and sperm numbers. Who knows. Best of luck and try to relax.

    Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

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  8. #6
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    Hey, I wrote an essay a few weeks ago that I hadn't posted here yet, but it seems like a good time for it. Wanting a daughter is NORMAL, it's not a sign of mental illness or that you are a bad person in any way.

    Brigitte Joneses For a Baby

    Brigitte Nielsen, a Danish actress best known for co-starring in Rocky 4 (while being briefly married to Sylvester Stallone) recently had a baby. The interesting thing to most people is that she is 54 years old. The interesting thing to me is that it’s Nielsen’s first daughter after 4 sons.

    As one might expect in this social media fish bowl in which we swim, the troglodytes of the Internet feel perfectly entitled to sound off on Nielsen’s decision to bring a child into the world. She’s too old, they say. The way she conceived is “unnatural” - she had frozen her own eggs over a decade ago and had been trying to conceive with them ever since. She has four children already - adults! - and she should be satisfied with that; asking for more than she already has is greedy. She will surely die or be infirm and unable to raise the child “properly”. She’s doing this for her own selfish reasons and not for the good of her child.

    The reason why I find the maternal longings of a D-list actress of interest is that I too had a girl after 4 boys. Like Nielsen, my oldest son was an adult when my daughter was born. Like Nielsen, I was in an age group that is considered “too old” - 42, definitely an age many would consider too late to be bringing a new life into the world. After all, the media likes to drum it into people’s heads again and again...having a baby over 40 is unacceptably perilous for both mother and baby. I am sure that many people thought I was making a terrible selfish decision, although no one ever said it to my face.

    They did say other things to my face, though. While mothers of more than 2 are often criticized, and older mothers are always criticized (it feels that way, anyway), there seems to be a special level of vitriol reserved for women who have sons and still want a daughter, particularly if they have the temerity to try for one. The very idea that any woman might want to continue having children until she has a particular gender is presented as being borne from some sort of monstrous desire, and worst of all is when a woman wants a daughter. I suppose this is because trying for a son is usually painted as something a woman does for someone else - her husband, her family, her culture - and so a woman trying for a son is seen as selfless, giving, generous. A woman who admits to wanting a daughter, on the other hand, is either an egomaniac who wants a “mini-me” or a rabid feminist who plans to use her daughter as a political pawn.

    But that isn’t reality. I wanted a daughter in the way I imagine a person who has lived in the mountains their entire life wants to see the ocean. Not because I was trying to make myself over again or to score social justice points, but because I wanted to see her and know her. Her, not me. My longing for a daughter had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to do with my sons. I was and am happy with myself and beyond ecstatic with my sons. I didn’t need a daughter to complete me or to make my family whole.

    I just wanted her.

    It is entirely possible to adore living in the mountains or in the desert and be utterly unable to imagine living anywhere else, but still have a strong desire to see the ocean, to watch the waves break, to know what it’s like to walk in the sand and dabble your toes in the foam. Some people don’t want to see the ocean and that's ok. Some have seen it already and didn’t think it was that big a thing, certainly not worth turning their lives upside down for. Others have lived there for years and are used to the view. But others want to see the ocean. Sometimes a silly little want grows into a longing that takes hold and won’t let go. That’s how it was for me, wanting a daughter. It was an experience that I really hoped to have. I'd dreamt of her since I was a tiny little girl myself. And I found that I just couldn't walk away without her, not unless I tried everything in my power to turn my imaginary girl real.

    We live in a time of celebrating experience. People make bucket lists and delight in accumulating life experiences as if they were merit badges. People take risks and make sacrifices in exchange for experience all the time. Some people climb Mount Everest or go on a safari or skydive. Some people think smaller and go to Napa Valley to drink too much wine, or to Disneyland, or to see the lights of Broadway. People want things and some of the things people want are not important to anyone but they themselves. Just like Brigitte, I wanted a daughter for no great or noble reason - I simply wanted her. Her existence was important to me. I was willing to take some risks and make some sacrifices for that. My desire for that experience is no more wrong than the person who decides they need to see Paris before they die.

    Some would say my desire for an experience does not outweigh my daughter’s need for a young and sprightly mother who can turn cartwheels down steps and will live another 70 years in order to do lots of babysitting for future generations. But how many of us really have a child in an ideal situation, anyway?? Children are born into situations far worse than Brigitte’s or my daughters’ all the time. Situations of poverty, of abuse, of neglect, in countries torn apart by war, in families torn apart by all manner of terrible things. Situations in which they are not particularly wanted or not wanted at all. Having a child young is no guarantee of success and having a child older is no guarantee of disaster. My mother had me when she was young but then divorced and started a new family, relegating me to a kind of second-class status within our family (I’m not faulting her, not at all, my parents are wonderful people who raised me well. My point is simply that youth is no guarantee of a child always getting everything they think they need.) If our daughters are loved and cared for, and were so hoped for and dreamed about, what difference does it make if we will live another 20 years or another 50?

    Because that much is true - the odds are pretty good that Brigitte and I will both live another 20 years at the least, long enough to raise our girls. Something no one tells you about turning 40 or even 50 is that most of us still have another 20-30 years of good solid living within us, if not more. Shockingly, my life did not stop when I turned 40 the way women’s magazines had led me to expect that it would. I didn’t crumble into dust and suddenly require a Life Alert button. I still have hopes and dreams and plenty of hours in my day to care for this small entity who has come my way. Most women in their 40's, 50's, and 60's are not sick or unhealthy. I am not physically fragile. Even though I have a chronic illness I have ample energy to take care of my children, work full time, and run a household. The joy my daughter and my other children bring me only helps to recharge my batteries at the end of every day.

    There are no guarantees, of course, but none of us have a guarantee in life. If Brigitte and I have provided for our daughter’s futures no matter what life has in store for us, 20 years is really just as good as 50, and if we’re lucky enough to have 30 or 40 instead, even better. 20 years is more than enough time to raise a child to adulthood. Beyond that point, it is your child’s life to do with as they will. Life is a gift we give to them, not a project we are doing that requires us to be hands on every second of every day from now till forever. No one ever tells a man in his 40’s or even in his 50’s, “don’t start that project, Bill, what happens if you DIE before you finish it?” Are we all supposed to go through our lives never doing anything if we may die before it’s done? Are 25-year-olds the only people who are allowed to plan for an unknown future?

    Children are different, some may say. Children aren’t a stamp collection or restoring a hot rod or sailing around the world. Children simply need their mothers. The expectation for mothers is that we will dedicate the rest of our lives to micromanaging our children’s existence from birth till age 70 at which point we will die and somehow they’ll have to muddle through without us. But in reality most people are quite competent as young adults and don’t even want their mother meddling in their business when they’re 25, 35, 45. Even at 15, a needy, overly involved mother is an unwelcome thing. NO ONE wants their mother all wrapped up in their lives forever and ever. Our children don’t need us in perpetuity the way people say that they do. Why would anyone build our lives around an expectation that is silly? Why would we base our decisions on a fiction that our daughters will need us desperately until they are 105 years old?

    My hope is that by the time I shuffle off this mortal coil, my daughter will not need me any more. By that point, I plan for her to be able to stand on her own and take care of herself. I’ve already gotten her to age 6, and that’s quite an accomplishment. We have had more time together than many mothers and daughters have been fortunate enough to have. I hope with every fiber of my being to be here till she’s a fully capable adult because I’ve found I love it here at the ocean and I want to watch the waves break for many more years to come. I want very much to see the woman that she will become and to hold her children in my arms. But I may not get that wish granted to me, and Brigitte Nielsen may not get that wish granted to her.

    Nevertheless, our daughters will still be ok. When people ask “what will happen when you’re old and die and your daughter needs you?” the truth is, death happens even to mothers, even to younger women than me, and in fact it used to happen far more often than it does now. People muddle through. Mothers are meant to give their children a start in life, not to be here until the conclusion.

    I wish Brigitte every happiness with her daughter.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    LOOKING FOR YOUR SWAY PLAN? Have you checked the coaching forum? It will be posted in the same place your questionnaire is! https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/completed-questionnaires-and-private-coaching-access/

    LE Diet Ideas Threads: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54174-brand-sparkly-pink-new-diet-thread-girl-sways.html and here:https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/54926-le-diet-thread.html?highlight=le+diet+meal+ideas

    LE Diet PCOS idea thread here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum/trying-to-conceive-a-girl/47264-le-diet-pcos.html

    PLEASE STOP SENDING ME SWAYING QUESTIONS VIA PRIVATE MESSAGE. Post swaying questions in the forums ONLY.

  9. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush View Post
    Hey, I wrote an essay a few weeks ago that I hadn't posted here yet, but it seems like a good time for it. Wanting a daughter is NORMAL, it's not a sign of mental illness or that you are a bad person in any way.

    Brigitte Joneses For a Baby

    Brigitte Nielsen, a Danish actress best known for co-starring in Rocky 4 (while being briefly married to Sylvester Stallone) recently had a baby. The interesting thing to most people is that she is 54 years old. The interesting thing to me is that itís Nielsenís first daughter after 4 sons.

    As one might expect in this social media fish bowl in which we swim, the troglodytes of the Internet feel perfectly entitled to sound off on Nielsenís decision to bring a child into the world. Sheís too old, they say. The way she conceived is ďunnaturalĒ - she had frozen her own eggs over a decade ago and had been trying to conceive with them ever since. She has four children already - adults! - and she should be satisfied with that; asking for more than she already has is greedy. She will surely die or be infirm and unable to raise the child ďproperlyĒ. Sheís doing this for her own selfish reasons and not for the good of her child.

    The reason why I find the maternal longings of a D-list actress of interest is that I too had a girl after 4 boys. Like Nielsen, my oldest son was an adult when my daughter was born. Like Nielsen, I was in an age group that is considered ďtoo oldĒ - 42, definitely an age many would consider too late to be bringing a new life into the world. After all, the media likes to drum it into peopleís heads again and again...having a baby over 40 is unacceptably perilous for both mother and baby. I am sure that many people thought I was making a terrible selfish decision, although no one ever said it to my face.

    They did say other things to my face, though. While mothers of more than 2 are often criticized, and older mothers are always criticized (it feels that way, anyway), there seems to be a special level of vitriol reserved for women who have sons and still want a daughter, particularly if they have the temerity to try for one. The very idea that any woman might want to continue having children until she has a particular gender is presented as being borne from some sort of monstrous desire, and worst of all is when a woman wants a daughter. I suppose this is because trying for a son is usually painted as something a woman does for someone else - her husband, her family, her culture - and so a woman trying for a son is seen as selfless, giving, generous. A woman who admits to wanting a daughter, on the other hand, is either an egomaniac who wants a ďmini-meĒ or a rabid feminist who plans to use her daughter as a political pawn.

    But that isnít reality. I wanted a daughter in the way I imagine a person who has lived in the mountains their entire life wants to see the ocean. Not because I was trying to make myself over again or to score social justice points, but because I wanted to see her and know her. Her, not me. My longing for a daughter had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to do with my sons. I was and am happy with myself and beyond ecstatic with my sons. I didnít need a daughter to complete me or to make my family whole.

    I just wanted her.

    It is entirely possible to adore living in the mountains or in the desert and be utterly unable to imagine living anywhere else, but still have a strong desire to see the ocean, to watch the waves break, to know what itís like to walk in the sand and dabble your toes in the foam. Some people donít want to see the ocean and that's ok. Some have seen it already and didnít think it was that big a thing, certainly not worth turning their lives upside down for. Others have lived there for years and are used to the view. But others want to see the ocean. Sometimes a silly little want grows into a longing that takes hold and wonít let go. Thatís how it was for me, wanting a daughter. It was an experience that I really hoped to have. I'd dreamt of her since I was a tiny little girl myself. And I found that I just couldn't walk away without her, not unless I tried everything in my power to turn my imaginary girl real.

    We live in a time of celebrating experience. People make bucket lists and delight in accumulating life experiences as if they were merit badges. People take risks and make sacrifices in exchange for experience all the time. Some people climb Mount Everest or go on a safari or skydive. Some people think smaller and go to Napa Valley to drink too much wine, or to Disneyland, or to see the lights of Broadway. People want things and some of the things people want are not important to anyone but they themselves. Just like Brigitte, I wanted a daughter for no great or noble reason - I simply wanted her. Her existence was important to me. I was willing to take some risks and make some sacrifices for that. My desire for that experience is no more wrong than the person who decides they need to see Paris before they die.

    Some would say my desire for an experience does not outweigh my daughterís need for a young and sprightly mother who can turn cartwheels down steps and will live another 70 years in order to do lots of babysitting for future generations. But how many of us really have a child in an ideal situation, anyway?? Children are born into situations far worse than Brigitteís or my daughtersí all the time. Situations of poverty, of abuse, of neglect, in countries torn apart by war, in families torn apart by all manner of terrible things. Situations in which they are not particularly wanted or not wanted at all. Having a child young is no guarantee of success and having a child older is no guarantee of disaster. My mother had me when she was young but then divorced and started a new family, relegating me to a kind of second-class status within our family (Iím not faulting her, not at all, my parents are wonderful people who raised me well. My point is simply that youth is no guarantee of a child always getting everything they think they need.) If our daughters are loved and cared for, and were so hoped for and dreamed about, what difference does it make if we will live another 20 years or another 50?

    Because that much is true - the odds are pretty good that Brigitte and I will both live another 20 years at the least, long enough to raise our girls. Something no one tells you about turning 40 or even 50 is that most of us still have another 20-30 years of good solid living within us, if not more. Shockingly, my life did not stop when I turned 40 the way womenís magazines had led me to expect that it would. I didnít crumble into dust and suddenly require a Life Alert button. I still have hopes and dreams and plenty of hours in my day to care for this small entity who has come my way. Most women in their 40's, 50's, and 60's are not sick or unhealthy. I am not physically fragile. Even though I have a chronic illness I have ample energy to take care of my children, work full time, and run a household. The joy my daughter and my other children bring me only helps to recharge my batteries at the end of every day.

    There are no guarantees, of course, but none of us have a guarantee in life. If Brigitte and I have provided for our daughterís futures no matter what life has in store for us, 20 years is really just as good as 50, and if weíre lucky enough to have 30 or 40 instead, even better. 20 years is more than enough time to raise a child to adulthood. Beyond that point, it is your childís life to do with as they will. Life is a gift we give to them, not a project we are doing that requires us to be hands on every second of every day from now till forever. No one ever tells a man in his 40ís or even in his 50ís, ďdonít start that project, Bill, what happens if you DIE before you finish it?Ē Are we all supposed to go through our lives never doing anything if we may die before itís done? Are 25-year-olds the only people who are allowed to plan for an unknown future?

    Children are different, some may say. Children arenít a stamp collection or restoring a hot rod or sailing around the world. Children simply need their mothers. The expectation for mothers is that we will dedicate the rest of our lives to micromanaging our childrenís existence from birth till age 70 at which point we will die and somehow theyíll have to muddle through without us. But in reality most people are quite competent as young adults and donít even want their mother meddling in their business when theyíre 25, 35, 45. Even at 15, a needy, overly involved mother is an unwelcome thing. NO ONE wants their mother all wrapped up in their lives forever and ever. Our children donít need us in perpetuity the way people say that they do. Why would anyone build our lives around an expectation that is silly? Why would we base our decisions on a fiction that our daughters will need us desperately until they are 105 years old?

    My hope is that by the time I shuffle off this mortal coil, my daughter will not need me any more. By that point, I plan for her to be able to stand on her own and take care of herself. Iíve already gotten her to age 6, and thatís quite an accomplishment. We have had more time together than many mothers and daughters have been fortunate enough to have. I hope with every fiber of my being to be here till sheís a fully capable adult because Iíve found I love it here at the ocean and I want to watch the waves break for many more years to come. I want very much to see the woman that she will become and to hold her children in my arms. But I may not get that wish granted to me, and Brigitte Nielsen may not get that wish granted to her.

    Nevertheless, our daughters will still be ok. When people ask ďwhat will happen when youíre old and die and your daughter needs you?Ē the truth is, death happens even to mothers, even to younger women than me, and in fact it used to happen far more often than it does now. People muddle through. Mothers are meant to give their children a start in life, not to be here until the conclusion.

    I wish Brigitte every happiness with her daughter.
    Omg. That was so incredibly and beautifully said. Wow.

    Thank you

    I hope one day to see that ocean and experience it. I hope I can explain myself the way you just did. But even if I can't, i believe it inside and that is what is important.



    Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk

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    That was beautiful. I feel the exact same way.


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    Thank you so much 3boysalready ❤️
    2007 2009 2011
    Praying and swaying for a to join us in 2020

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    Hey atomic,

    I know that essay is old but it always surprises me when I hear or read that women who have only boys are admired and those desiring a daughter at all costs are criticized.

    Idk if country or culture is at play here, but as a blue swayer, thought I could testify that, at least where I live, mothers wanting a son after daughters are a bit more vilified than mothers wanting a daughter. You're absolutely right that people who see a mother with sons will think that she is just enabling the wishes of her husband or family or in-laws... The difference is, this is NOT perceived as a good thing and does not reflect well on the mother at all.

    When I first told people I hoped for a little boy, the first thing they asked was "Is that your husband's wish ? Your family maybe ? What do YOU want ? Don't be afraid to tell us, you have every right to want the other gender...". They were quite shocked to learn that DH didn't care one way or the other and that it was my very own dream. Then they started searching for a reason as to why on Earth would I, a female, want a male child. They're still searching as of now.

    With others in my situation, we have had a lot of harsh accusations thrown our way : Supporters of gynocide, submissive idiots, religious freaks, fanatics, disturbed peasants wishing for a patriarchal society... Wanting a son gets you branded as an ennemy of social justice, of your own gender, of feminism... You're accused of being pro-rape, pro-war and whatever... Told to go to China or India if girls bother you that much !

    People just can't understand why you're not happy with only daughters. Each time someone compliments my children, they often add : "How lucky you are to have daughters. Daughters are peace, love, they will never worry you, they will never go to jail or start a war, they will always understand you because they are female too and since they are women, they will care for you in your old age because women are nurturing by nature.". When I was pregnant with them, I heard things like : "It's so great for you, you will have someone to brush your hair with, to go shopping with, you will be able to buy dresses and jewels together, you will do a lot of things together and spend lots of precious time together. It's just sad for the father who will feel a bit lonely but oh, well !". Each time I say I'm sad not to have a little boy, the first thing I hear is "But why ????? You have daughters !!!!! Pint-sized versions of yourself who can understand you 100% ! No worries, no going to fetch them at the principal's office or the police station, no angry fathers at your door screaming they got their kid pregnant... Only dresses and ribbons and laughs and once in a while, a good day at the mall or night at the movies ! What more can a mother wish for ?".

    The mothers of boys I know often get looks of pity and whispers of : "I don't know how she can manage, she must be very strong. Boys are so violent and loud, always fighting... She must be a saint to endure each and every day. They must worry her quite a lot. Hope they don't turn into criminals, murderers or she will have a lot to cry for... Oh, she must pray for a daughter so much ! I hope she gets one so she does not end up crazy from lack of female company...".

    There's that idea floating around that a woman is not "complete" without a daughter, like this is some final testimony of her feminity that she succeeded in passing on her XXs, especially after lots of blue... The end result is they get encouraged to go and try again and again (not too much though but they can go to 3-4 children without attracting too much attention) while we're told to be happy with what we have and shut DH up by reminding him of all the little baby girls drowned at birth because they were not boys.

    So, on one side we have mother of girls who are perceived as "true, 100% woman"... but can and will end up being called monsters for daring to wish for a boy. Stupid submissive freaks, stains on women's rights, people who wish to bring another male (aka another rapist, another warrior) in a world already full of them...

    And on the other side, we have mothers of boys who are perceived as victims, endangered by the masculine presence of their sons + husband. If they accept their situation, they are re-branded as submissive freaks or a lost cause. If they fight for a daughter, they are encouraged, because they fight the good fight, they wish for pink, peace, love, equality, they are against what's done in China and India and they somehow bravely "compensate" for all the baby girls killed around the world.

    Add to that the age problem...

    I'll say it again but it really is surprising to see things can go the other way around depending on where you live really. From the wish for a daughter being perceived as either egocentric/natural and necessary to having boys being seen as selflessness/ submissivness.
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

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