Newbie, dealing with disappointment from whole family

[sbowman]

Hi there. My name is Sarah. (I posted in introductions but just found the GD thread and thought it would be better here.) I'm a mother to one wonderful little boy and another boy due in March. I'm hoping to find some support here, as I've been feeling overwhelmed lately. I just found out we were having another boy a week ago, and I'm ashamed to say that I was completely blindsided and devastated, as I had been sure I was having a girl (mommy intuition that was right with my son). I had even bought a couple of outfits for the baby in pink, including a custom white lace romper and matching pink headband, which I cannot return. I still feel outright that the tech was wrong, but I have no pictures to see for myself. What made my disappointment worse was my family's extreme disappointment. Not one person in my family said "congratulations." Just "oh" or even "what a shame!" (from my brother). Even my DH admitted to being a little disappointed, as he only wanted one child, not two, and for that child to be a girl. He only agreed to try again because our first child was a boy. I'm just so heartbroken. I feel like I could be over this by now and preparing to enjoy my new addition if not for everyone's negative reaction. The excitement about a new baby is completely gone. All of my cousins & DH's cousins and siblings had 2+boys...there's not a girl in sight in the whole family. I'm trying to show enthusiasm and hope that it will catch on and everyone will cheer up, but a week has passed and no such luck yet. Here's hoping next week is better. My son IS healthy and growing well, and I know he will be a wonderful baby. Just need to get everyone else on board.

[nuthinbutpink]

I'm so sorry you are hurting. It's a grieving process. We have all felt your pain and it's something that will get better with time. Brothers are awesome- it is a real gift you have given each of them and nobody can take it away.

If you decide to try again, we can support you with a sway or even IVF/PGD if you choose.

If you decide your family is complete after DS is born, that is lovely too. I hope you find some peace during the rest of your pregnancy and when you see his sweet face, it becomes better for you.

[sbowman]

I think I would like to try for a sway sometime in the future, though I'm hoping for both my boys to be in school before I could imagine being able to convince DH to go for number three. I swear I don't love my little boy any less, I just always pictured myself with one boy and one girl, which is how my family was. Older brother, little sister. Being on this forum and reading the posts has already made me feel a hundred times better. I guess I just need to let go of the plans I'd made for myself and go with what I have. I'm truly blessed, and I know my older son will love having a brother. Sometimes I think my older brother wishes he'd had one, and maybe his hurtful comment was somewhat out of jealousy. Thank you for welcoming me.

[Claire33]

People just don't realize how much their comments hurt. They think what they say just doesn't affect us. The only consolation I can give you is that you're not the only one. You will love your little boy more than life itself and you'll be so proud. Sometimes I feel that it's my little secret, how wonderful my two little boys are. They are the loves of my lives. I recommend you find something to say to everyone who has a comment (Like I will love my child no matter what gender, or I'm very thrilled with another healthy child). Hopefully it will shut people up!

[sbmommy]

I can totally relate to you Sarah, I am from a mixed gender family (me and a little brother) and I am also due in March with a baby the same sex as my first child. Mine happen to both be girls instead of boys, but my feelings are so similar to yours. I was so sure that this baby was going to be a boy, and I found out 2 weeks ago that we are having another girl. I am trying desperately to feel happy and excited about this pregnancy again, but maybe it is just too soon. I am hoping that time will help heal the sadness and tremendous sense of loss I feel.