Can't Sleep

[gmayday]

I wish I never heard of the nub theory, I wish I never went in for that 12 week scan because then I could be still living in denial that I may be having a girl. I even think I saw something already forming between the legs when they did a potty shot but the tech refused to say for sure. I am devastated-not one girl guess on my nub and I knew it all along as soon as I saw the picture...looks just like DS2's picture. I feel like my holidays are ruined and I have nothing to look forward to when I should be celebrating with my family. I can't believe I am back on this website...de ja vu from #2 although this time the GD is worse because I know this is my last. Actually #2 was supposed to be my last but my husband said he wanted another and we were probably going to try again next year but this little man apparently couldn't wait so this was quite the surprise. And the worst part about all this is that everyone's like "Oh, everything happens for a reason-this is your girl!". I think people and their comments make this whole thing worse. I go in for my 18 week on December 21st to confirm what I already know-Just going to make Christmas that much worse. I feel like I will never get a good night's sleep again without waking up suddenly in the middle of the night thinking about the daughter I will never have.

[zibibbogirl]

I am sorry you are feeling down gmay. It must be hard to think about facing a happy holiday season with family when you are feeling disappointed. But if the tech could not say one way or the other, I wouldn't lose hope about your girl just yet. Nub guesses are just guesses and even if a baby looks like a boy at 12 weeks there is really no way of knowing for sure until much later. Hang in there.

[gmayday]

The tech refused to say anything but when the doctor came in and didn't a second look I said "look, is there not something between the legs?" and she said "Perhaps but it is too early". To me perhaps is a yes...and I am a firm believer of the nub theory although I wish I wasn't. I feel like I am so experienced that I can look at a nub and correctly guess the gender in seconds. Just like my last pregnancy I am frantically looking up all "incorrect predictions" and how boy nubs and potty shots can turn girly due to "swollen labia" but I am sure these instances are far from frequent. I have to prepare myself now for the same outcome I had a couple of years back. I am just so sad and feeling so guilty about being mad at God for not answering any of my prayers. I know it is not His fault but why on earth does everyone around me seem to get "lucky" and have a pigeon pair? EVERYONE close to me. I thank you ladies for being there because I don't know who else to turn to. My husband wanted a princess as well but seems to be okay with the baby just as long as he is healthy. I know this is how I should feel but I can't stop the emotions and just cry to myself when I am alone.

[Mrs_P]

I know exactly how you feeling and it does get easier, i was right there with ds3 2 years ago and i was gutted. BUT by the end of my pregnancy i was looking forward to meeting him and now i couldn't imagine my life without him, or him being a girl. He has made my family closer and my boys relationships stronger and we really couldn't love him anymore.

I know it sucks to hear boy and the anger and resentment that follow and my husband just didn't get that either. There never is a right time to hear either but i would rather know earlier than later, less time to get my hopes up and not quite so far to fall from (as i found out with my last at 22 weeks and by that time i have stupidly let myself believe everyone else got lucky so could i) baby is what it is so i have to go through the pain at some point.

At least finding out early you have time to deal with your feelings long before the baby is born and to deal with the broken dreams (as for me it was always the lack of a girl rather than the addition of a boy). My only regret last time was that i didn't enjoy my last pregnancy, i spent half of it in tears and the rest feeling guilty and trying to put on a brave face with everyone else.

As everyone says it could be wrong, but maybe try and deal with your feelings now so you are expecting a boy and if it does turn out that your dreams come true you will have an amazing surprise x

[coocoobananas]

You sound exactly like me! I wish I could turn off my feelings but I can't! One thing I can tell you as it has honestly become easier over time! I'd still rather not be pregnant but I've never been a good pregnant person so I have to remind myself that although I should enjoy this last pregnancy... They are never enjoyable for me lol!!
I've been more positive lately as I saw my friends newborn son and it reminded me that in fact I will feel better then. Plus I keep finding moms of 3 boys who seem quite happy! Like stePhanie Meyers (twilight auther) etc and for some reason that makes me think the world isn't against me, there are others who didn't get their girl and they're ok!
Of course all around me I see 2 boys and a girl and it stirs something within, but I know I'll survive and I'll be proud of my boys! I mean 2 boys and a girl really is quite boring compared to 3 boys
I think time is your friend and you will be sad and you're allowed! Just tell us all here! But it will get better!!!

[gmayday]

I had a pretty terrible weekend with my GD. I feel like I am just going through the motions of the holidays with really nothing to celebrate. I did some Christmas shopping and had to avoid looking at all the beautiful girlie clothes that I will never be buying for myself...just for the daughters of my family and friends. Last night I even had the dreaded ultrasound dream where all they had to do was write down the words "boy" and I just cried and cried and woke up feeling so much despair. But something changed tonight and I was looking and obsessing over all the online nubs of predictions of ones that went wrong at their 12 week ultrasound hanging onto a thread of hope. I came across a blog of a girl who became pregnant with a little girl after months of trying only to find out that her baby had a brain disorder that ended with them having to abort the baby at 23 weeks. It really put everything into perspective for me. I felt so much guilt for wishing this child away and trying to go back 4-5 months and "undo" the conception when I haven't once felt a bit of happiness of love for this baby growing inside me. It's not his fault and he deserves nothing but the love of his family. From now on I am going to try my hardest to put this all aside and be happy and grateful for what God has given me for there are others out there who can't even conceive one child. Thank you ladies for listening to me vent. I am extremely grateful for all of your kind words of encouragement.