How to give up on gender dream?

[True Blue]

Where do you start? In the past I have felt like I had gotten there but then something will trigger it again. I know already it is going to have to happen the dream has to be let go I thought I could do this but I feel a sadness deep down waiting to bubble over and I don't want to let it happen. Specifically I don't want it to happen when we officially hear "girl"
I will love my baby girl and the guilt will kill me if I cry because she is who she is.

Where do I start?

[Zivic-Bubac]

I'm trying to figure out that myself....

[nuthinbutpink]

I can't pretend like I know this answer. I saw this post this morning and it stuck with me throughout the day so I feel I need to answer.

This is what I know- You have to be happy with yourself first. I know we all have dreams, we have ideas about what we may be missing out on, etc but speaking as someone who has had a dream come true, you still have to find what makes you happy and I personally don't believe that my happiness should be so tightly bound to my kids.

Boy or girl, they all grow up and hopefully have their own lives. You are a part of their lives and they a part of yours but you have to have something that is your own, something about you and not your kids that makes you smile.

There are no guarantees when it comes to our kids and typical stereotypes we associate- not all girls like pink, not all girls are girly-girls, not all mother/daughter relationships are healthy ones. There are no guarantees even if your dream comes true when it comes to relying on another human being to find your true happiness.

So, that's the best answer I can give. I have my son now whom I wanted since I decided to have kids and my life is far from perfect. I still get mad at all my kids, my son drives me crazy some days, I still yell at my husband, and I still get sad and it's not all kittens and rainbows just because I have a son.

If you find something for you, something tgat makes you happy, you can be happy.

I hope you know that you can get past this and you can be happy. I really believe that.

[gossie]

I don't know that it's something you can just decide to make happen. For me, it happened slowly as my boys grew and I began to focus on other things. Although I would still like a daughter, I am no longer unhappy with my life without one, if that makes sense. I am very content with my boys.

A few years ago, I could not have predicted that I would be in this place at all. I could not have forced it. My heart goes out to you because I know the feeling of being in that place...I still sometimes have guilt about my feelings when I found out my littlest was a boy...but I just love on him a little extra and hope that makes up for it.

[sugarplum]

I agree - for me also, the dream is to let go. I don't have any answers for you I'm sorry, but where I'm at right now is I need to focus on my future with the kids I do have, and not wish for a future I will never have. I'm not religious but I still pray every day for acceptance and peace. Good luck with your pregnancy!

[True Blue]

Thanks everyone
Well thankfully after that night I have felt fine. I think I was exhausted, run down and it got the better of me.

I've done lots of online window shopping and have picked lots of girlie girl stuff very happily

[ocean]

This is what I know- You have to be happy with yourself first. I know we all have dreams, we have ideas about what we may be missing out on, etc but speaking as someone who has had a dream come true, you still have to find what makes you happy....

There are no guarantees when it comes to our kids and typical stereotypes we associate- not all girls like pink, not all girls are girly-girls, not all mother/daughter relationships are healthy ones.

Nuthin - Thanks for this, I've thought of this point several times first. If I was happy with myself separately from kids - no insecurities - things would prob be different. I think I was happier before having my second, since hope was still there that I had a DG coming. Deciding when to let hope go and be acceptant - that's hard.

[6bluewant1pink]

I do not know if i ever will. But come this November if i am having my 7th boy i know i will have to give up my dream and look to the future and go with what others tell me to wait for great daughter n laws and grand daughters.

[twinsforme]

I wish I knew how to let go

My life would be so much easier if I did.