Having a Hard Time

[BZ94]

OK, so two months ago when DS3 was born I posted that I was "moving on" -- getting over my GD and loving my family and realizing this was how it's meant to be. While all that sounded great and I DO love my family, all three of my boys, and know that I won't be getting a girl, the "new mom" euphoria has ebbed and reality has set in and I've been having a hard week. DS2 is 2.5 years old and has become an awful mess --a whiny, clingy, tantrum-throwing, waking-up-at-night mess. He used to be my reason for having a third, he was soooo good. Now he's my reason for being done at 3! I can't tell if it's the stress of a new sibling or just the terrible two's or a little bit of both. DS1 is 5 and a bit easier as he's more independent, but he has been saying awful things like "you're just not into me anymore" or "pretend you love me." So I know he's having a hard time adjusting too. The baby is adorable and very easy going and even sleeps well, but I can't help looking at him sometimes and thinking "you were supposed to be my girl" or even "now I have 5 more years before all my kids are in school and I can resume my career (which has been more or less put on hold since no one seems to need freelance graphic designers in my area)." I KNOW I love him, and I KNOW that if I hadn't had him I'd have always wondered, but my life seems so out of control right now that I can't help feeling like I'm in way over my head and did a stupid thing trying for that girl. To top it off I have a friend who had a DD after two boys who's always posting adorable pics of her DD online, a friend of my mom's had a daughter who had a DD after two DS's and when I expressed my jealousy to my mom she confided HER disappointment in not having a granddaughter which made me feel worse! Finally tonight while out for ice cream we ran into an old friend of my DH who was there with his two DS's and...a 6 month old DD. I was so jealous I had tears in my eyes (luckily I have a cold so it was easy to pass it off). My DH got mad when I told him how I felt on the way home but he's been so excited lately to have his sons go to football games with him, how would he feel if he couldn't do that? OK, vent over. I hope things get better, I just want to move on and away from GD and love my three sons!!!!

[ocean]

I think you hit in on the head - you're having a lousy week. But that's all it is - just a lousy week with that GD tinge. Your boys' reactions sounds very typical for older siblings realizing the baby is here to stay, and so so many parents go through exactly that. - tantrums, emotional statements, needy-ness. It truly will pass. Those statements would've been the same no matter the gender of your 3rd. Think of the lifetime of brotherhood you're giving to your kids. To have not one brother but two brothers to walk through life beside - it's a huge gift. And you sure got the spacing right for them to be close but not on top of each other.

I'm a number of months past you and I can tell you it gets A LOT easier. The pregnancy hormones are still REALLY strong at 2 months, and that was the peak of my post-birth GD sadness/weepiness/etc. I'm now in a place I couldn't foresee then -- feeling much more level headed and focused on my own family, 95% less GD obsessed, and so proud of my beautiful boys who are already sort of playing together.

Chalk this week up to one to put behind you! Have a glass of wine, kiss your hubby, have a family movie night maybe, and have a great weekend. You're getting through this mama, you really are.

[Adia]

How lucky we are to have good friends like Ocean in our time of heartache!

I second everything she said and I could not say it better!!!