Thanks, Mum... :(

[nearlyalegume]

35 weeks with baby boy #3. I'd pretty much gotten used to the idea. I was getting there. Mentally saying goodbye to the little girl I'll never have.

And then my mother called this morning. Gushing.

"Isn't it exciting news about BIL and SIL?!"
"Um... what? I actually have no idea what you're talking about." (SIL is actually my husband's brother's wife, and she's due three weeks after me. So I was really confused - I already knew about their baby. Obviously my mother and MIL were gossiping last Saturday at my son's birthday party).
"Don't you know? MIL told me they're having a girl!"
"...oh. Um, well, no, I didn't know that. And neither did DH, for that matter." (Just an aside, I think it was supposed to be a secret? Surely BIL and SIL learned from MIL blabbing that they were pregnant in the first place before the pee on the stick was dry?? UNLESS YOU WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW, DON'T TELL HER!!)

O hai, guts, cop that punch!

So not only are they getting the one thing I prayed for, a little girl after two boys, BUT, my own mother delivered the news in what was possibly one of the most unintentionally brutal ways that she could.

Okay, maybe it makes me a bad person, but NO, I am NOT thrilled for them, I'm insanely bloody jealous. AS YOU WELL SHOULD KNOW, because you knew full well that I was praying for a girl ALL THREE TIMES and didn't get one, so how on God's green Earth do you expect me to be all happy-happy-joy-joy when a) you've just blindsided me with this news, talk about getting whacked in the face with a proverbial shovel!, and b) it's exactly what I wanted but didn't get, and will never get because this is supposed to be our last baby WHICH YOU ALSO WELL KNOW?

At least, if nothing else, I've found out now, instead of when I'm three weeks postpartum and as hormonal as hell. Because right now I keep having very dark thoughts, never mind when I'm up Hormone Creek without a paddle. Obviously I did something very very bad earlier on in my life, though I have no idea what, because why else would everyone around me get to have the one thing I've always wanted but never ever gotten? I must be being punished for something!

[Adia]

What a lousy way to find out...somehow my mom and MIL have a knack for throwing the same type of stuff in my face just when I am at a low point. Why can't they think these things through??? Is it really that hard??

I have two SILs, one on on my side and DH's side, that ordered BBGG and got it. The rest of us are just sad excuses for human beings who can't produce such miracles. It sucks so much to hear about their insane amounts of joy and fulfilled dreams, blah, blah, blah....makes me want to scream. Sometimes its hard to look at my nieces and nephews because she symbolizes all that I can't have when it comes to ordering the genders I want.

I don't know what we did in our lives to end up with the gender desire that we have. I am dealing with infertility, after 3 kids, on top of GD for a boy...it just sucks all around.

Big hugs mama...your baby bean is due very soon. I can promise you one thing, DS3 will have you wrapped around his finger in no time at all. That doesn't mean your GD for a girl will go away, but it will eventually separate itself from your love for DS3. I am thinking of you while you are soldiering through the bitter end of a GD pregnancy. I have been there and it is one of the toughest spots to be in. Hang in there and know that those of us who have survived the same place you are at now, are thinking of you.

[Belle5678]

Ohhhh Hun ... My heart goes out to you... THAT SUX and it's not fair at all.... You totally feel jealous and don't feel guilty at all your allowed to feel like that ... it's crap ! ... Im a newbie on here ... just posted actually- 20 week scan today totally devastated that Im having a boy and feel like crap for feeling like this ... but it's not fair ... its not fair when other people get what they desperately hoped and dreamed and you don't ... big big hugs... sorry i can't be more help xoxo

[foxymrsg]

Oh Hun thinking of you, that's just so hard. Sometimes there are no words but knowing people think/feel the same makes a slight bit of difference,
So sorry I honestly think it's harder when it's SIL in DH's family that get what they want as I do think it's easier if it's your own sis or bro.
Hugs Hun

[2boysJustOneGirl]

That must have stung like hell! People can be cruel without ever realizing it and let's face it , reality is beyond cruel. I am sorry you didn't get your girl and I imagine that it will always be a wound you will have though in many ways time does heal things so I hope in time, it will be less intense. I pray for that actually, for myself, you, and everybody else.


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