Still not coping with idea of dd2

[Northernchick1]

August 16th was the date I found out I was having another girl. Devastated wasn't even the word. I felt like id been punched in the gut. I've only ever wanted boys, I'm a great boy mum, I hate pink and princesses and ballet and frilly dresses. I love football and other sports. I have four older brothers who I adore and lots of nephews. (Have a sister too who is 18 years older than me). All I've ever wanted was boys, 2 or 3!I do have my DS who is 5, he's my world. His sister dd1 is also my world but it took time. I love them equally but I can't lie that I have a stronger soft spot for DS as I feel we have more in common. All I wanted was to give him a brother so he could experience that bond. He and his sis are vv close and I'm very proud of them but he's missing that brotherly bond. We can't ever do ht -can't afford it. Dh is very much in favour of ttc again and he isn't bothered about gender bless him. He just loves kids. I wish to god I was the same. When we started ttc num 3 I obviously knew there was a chance it'd be another girl but I prayed from my heart for another boy. I was shell shocked for weeks and have even had counselling. I still have days like today where I can't believe how easy it is for ppl to just have boy after boy. When DS asked me if the next baby could be a boy I wanted to cry because there's no guarantee and in fact I feel it'll be another girl. And then what?! I'm so envious and bitter or ppl who announce they're having a boy. I fantasise that they got my scan wrong but I know they haven't. I've tried bonding with dd2 by choosing a name and buying the stylish little outfits for her but eventually I just want to sit and cry all day in bed. Dd isn't even bothered it's a girl, she's only two and doesn't grasp the concept so right now I just feel I've failed my son and I can't imagine being a mum to two girls. I feel like now the dynamic will change between dd and DS and they won't be a close, he'll eventually be the odd one out and sidelined abit. I wish wish wish I could be happy and excited and enjoy my oregnsncy but I'm scared and anxious. I don't want jan to come but then I also just want it out the way so I can focus on ttc/swaying blue. I didn't sway last couple of times but if we go for num 4 il give it my all. I just don't feel like it'll happen for us tho. It seems like a far away fantasy that'll never be reality. If you've read all this thank you. I really needed to get it off my chest x

[Ugee]

Hi northernchick please don't feel guilty for your feelings. I never wanted boys but now have 2. My point being is that the heart wants what it wants so it's deep personal thing that is your right to have.
I however love my boys so so much and you will see your 3 children play together and just know this was meant to be as I do mine.
Obviously I am still wanting my girl and am swaying to hopefully get her. I want a girl for all the reasons you don't want a girl...that's not to say that If I got a girl she wouldn't turn out to be a huge tomboy and be into all things boy related. Your little girl may also turn out to be a mini you that loves all boy games and playing with your DS more than your DD. There is no way of knowing but I hope you can get your head into feeling happy to have her as I would never want anyone to miss our on the precious newborn stage with much joy and love.
I wouldn't buy anymore girls clothes as it's not where your at right now, just buy nutural as that helped me. (till baby arrives.)
As your able to TTC again at a later stage I would advise to wait until you feel you can put your heart into it and know you gave it your all. I hope my words help and that you A) become satisfied with your family as it is or B) feel and become happy for now and then TTC blue again
Sending hugs

[Northernchick1]

Thank you ugee. I just wish so much my ds had that bond with a brother as your boys have with each other. Yes he's close to dd but this will change probably as they get older. He's unlikely to be close to dd2 for same reasons. Why is it so hard to get over these feelings? It really hurts. I don't know what to do with two girls I don't know how il cope! Anyway thank you for being the one to reply to me, I am grateful x

[Adia]

I understand your heartache. It will get better with time.
Big hugs mama!

[1+2+3boys]

Hi, sorry to hear how you are feeling. It is nice to hear about a Mum wanting boys. I always wanted more boys and just one girl. Is there any chance you could raise your daughters as tomboys? I know it is still not the same but it may help a bit. You can dress her as a girl without being girly or dress her as a 'boy' without it being cross dressing lol. I feel the pain that not even one of my twins was my one girl I hoped for and I now avoid gender stereotyping as much as possible. I don't dress them overly boyish and I encourage all kinds of things for them to do that are not 'just for boys' I never really believed in gender stereotypes but it is hard to get away from them with the pressure from the world around you.
I was a tomboy growing up and loved 'boy' things like fishing and building etc and going on adventures on our farm and I was sporty as and this is why I hoped for more boys. But if I had a girl I don't see why she should not do all that stuff too.
In high school I had more male friends and I dressed and acted like a boy but looking back I can see I was truely never one of them. They treated me differently and these days I get along better with Women. Gender shouldn't matter as to what you can do in life but it is still important. You are a male or female and it affects the relationships you have in life and many of experiences in life.
I hope my explanation is not making things worse! I do want to help you feel better. I think my point is, that if there is something you hoped and dreamed for all your life then it is O.K to feel sad about not getting it. I had a wee girly burst from late teens on and it hurts my heart so bad that I did not get that one girl I took for granted would just come to be.
Doing things with my boys that are considered more girly helps sometimes but I know I still do not have a girl. It does get better though as they grow and I see them develop as amazing human beings. I am starting to get closer to DS1 who seems to be getting my artistic streak. I was worried I would never get to share that because appariently boys never sit still. Well mine does and I love him and his brothers more and more every day.

I have convinced my partner to go HT for our final child and I hope it works and makes my dream come true.

BTW I have a younger Sis then Bro and I was closer to him growing up. Now my Sis and Bro are Prob the two closer ones and I am closer to her but my bro is def not left out.

[Northernchick1]

1+2+3 boys thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate them. And to Adia also xx