Tips for dealing with gender disappointment at the scan

[Christi]

Hi Everyone, I have an ultrasound scheduled from Dec. 14th. My doctor said she was "leaning boy" based on my 11 week ultrasound, so I am trying to emotionally prepare myself to hear boy. Unfortunately, I'm not doing a very good job at that. I try to imagine myself with a cute little bundle of blue joy but quickly my mind wanders to "the scan was early, you can't really tell at 11 weeks, dear god, let it be a girl." Then i spend the next several minutes willing God, willing the universe, willing whatever I can to make this baby a girl. My husband is a Star Wars guy, so of course, my willing this baby is a girl is analogous to Luke using all his will power to muster the force (or however that works).

Does anyone have any tips for how to deal with the dreaded ultrasound where they tell you the gender? Part of me is thinking about having them write it on a piece of paper and not opening it until we get to the car. The other part of me is going to want to grill the technician about how certain they are about the gender and what they are basing their opinion on. I just don't know.

Thanks for anyone who can share any tips on dealing with gender disappointment!

[covered in blue]

I think getting them to write it down and open it when you get home is a good idea. Don't do what I did with my 3rd boy. I found out like a minute into the scan and couldn't watch any more of it as I was sobbing the whole time!

[txmomof3beautifulboys]

I have three boys....my next ultrasound...I may not even look at the screen LoL. I am going to ask them to write it down on paper that I can take with me. Then I can deal with my emotions out of the office. I am surprised that at that early a gestation the doctor would lean either way. Good luck to you and update when you find out!

[Christi]

Thanks for the advice ladies. I was surprised that I wasn't more emotional when my doctor said she was leaning boy. I guess my concern about waiting until the car to find out is that I don't want to miss out on grilling the tech on why they think the baby is a particular gender. I know a little more about ultrasounds now, so I want to be able to see if I can really rely on the tech's information, and I can't cross-examine a piece of paper. I go back and forth on what to do..... UGH!!! ( i know, I probably sound like a crazy person!)

I think my doctor guessed at 11 weeks because she knew we were trying for a girl and by telling us there was a chance for a boy, she was lowering my expectations to try to get me adjusted to the idea of a boy. If she is right, well, then I've had a little time to adjust. If she is wrong, then who cares--she was wrong and I'm getting my little girl. I think she thought it was a kinder and gentler way to go.... which upon reflection, I think it is. Just keeping my fingers crossed she is wrong and what she saw between the legs was just the nub and not a penis. I suppose I take solice in knowing that the doctor's boy lean was NOT based on the nub theory, but rather more of a potty shot.

[Francine]

With our last little one we were swaying for a girl and ended up with a boy - no regrets though! When we hit 12 weeks we were mentally preparing ourselves not for a disappointment but just for the second desired outcome. We knew that either way we were getting a beautiful new baby. We started calling it a boy and when considering names we stuck with only the boy names, there were a couple girl names but I was much more focused on the boy names.

When we got the confirmation that we were having another boy I kind of "shopped" my way through the next 20 weeks I booked a photographer and got all sorts of adorable boy things off of places like Etsy - hats, neckties, leg warmers, knitted blankets... Looking back at it I think I was planning on having a little Don Draper (in the sense of style) but the pictures turned out perfectly. It made it fun and kind of overcame our initial feelings and made us really excited for a boy for the rest of the pregnancy. Good luck and I can't wait to hear what the verdict is!

[Christi]

Haha! I totally do the same thing with my son--look for lots of cute things to do for little boys to get great photos and build wonderful memories. I am totally going to go buy a special little outfit for the new baby--boy or girl, to help get excited about the baby! Perhaps I should start trying to call the baby a "he/him" to see if that helps change my perspective a little.


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[amo]

My scan is 2 days before yours, only 3 days away now and i honestly feel sick with nerves, every time I think about it my stomach does somersaults. The thought of having a second boy confirmed makes me feel so sad but I don't think I'll be able to do the having it written down and reading it later, I'm far too impatient. If I could find out right now this second I would.

[MyByC]

Good luck! Can't wait for you and Amo what the dc say!

[Christi]

Amo, I know what you mean, I'm totally torn by the "ugh, I want to know this second" and I don't want to know because it's probably going to be "it's a boy!" and my dream of having a girl will be gone forever. My husband and I both agree that we only want 2, so this is it. I also know that whatever the ultrasound tech says, I will want to grill them on how certain they are about their conclusion and want photos of exactly what it was they saw to make their guess. You better believe I will be posting photos on here to see if people agree since I will only be 14 weeks on the date of the scan.

I am also waiting for my results on my Harmony test, and since my doctor didn't fill out the fax number on the requisition form, I put my own fax number on the form where it said "where to fax results"..... so I'm also making myself crazy every time a fax comes in..... yes, I know, I am a special type of crazy. I did the test a week ago, so if the Harmony website is correct that you get the results in a week, they could come today.... I'm not holding my breath, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

I can't wait to hear what you are having, Amo... good luck at your scan!

[LilithWiser1979]

Christi, if you will be 14 weeks, I'd go with the Harmony result, not the scan. A nub will be a LOT more accurate at that gestation than a potty shot. In fact, an ultrasound tech on IG used to post how inaccurate 14 weeks was for gender. She posted pictures of her own daughter and it totally looked like she had a penis!