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  1. #11
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    I'm so sorry you're feeling this way but please don't be so hard on yourself. It's perfectly normal to have these feelings. As you can see, many of us have had them or are still having them. It's still fresh and of course it still hurts. Give yourself some time. I promise you will not feel this way when you see him. You may possibly feel better much sooner than that even. I had GD with DS4. I was so sure he was a girl, so I think that's what made it harder for me, I was about 95% positive the tech was going to say girl so it was like a punch in the stomach when she said boy. And also knowing that he would be our last (that's since *possibly* changed but beside the point). I went for another ultrasound b/c I then convinced myself that the first tech was wrong since it took her a little while to find his "goods". She wasn't of course.
    You're on the right path though. It helped me when I started to plan for his arrival. Like someone else said, it's hard when you don't know who you are growing in there, if that makes sense. When I started to picture what he'd look like, where he'd sleep, newborn photos, etc, etc...it really helped ease the pain. I started to plan things that I was going to do with my niece when she gets older.

    I look at DS4 now and I truly can't imagine my days without him. I know it sounds cliche but he really does make me smile and laugh everyday, he's such a little character. In some ways, I'm even slightly more protective of him because I know people know I was hoping he was a girl. You will get there too!
    After I had DS3, one of the cutest comments I got was "you're so lucky! I always wanted to have "my 3 sons"!". This was from a lady who had 2 boys first and then a girl. She admitted that she really wanted a third son so was a little disappointed to have a daughter. She then said "of course I'm happy now but I wasn't for a while". It was the first time I heard someone in real life admit to having GD. Very refreshing.
    Mama to four sweet boys
    January 2017

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  3. #12
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    I went through the same, found out sex and totally disappointed, DH said we could have another and we did High tech twice- didn't work! Mum if boys is what I was meant for. I actually bought s heap of girl clothes while trying and have given them away now to friends with girls. Very very hard, their clothes are so cute but hey I have 2 sons who come in to my bed each morning for cuddles and think the world of me (my oldest is 9 and while he likes a snuggle, he sleeps in every morning!!!)
    It's hard when people ask if u going to keep trying for s girl, I tell them my miscarriages and they usually shut up and happy with my boys also.
    They fight but I can't see s girl in the mix causing any less problems!
    I made a list of things I could do with a daughter, most I could do with a son or niece. I would of liked some pink in with the Lego and monster trucks but I don't really care now- good luck!!!
    07 09 (opposite shettles) 12 (failed sway) Sway: Apr 13 Nov 13
    HT#1 cycle May 14 (SART) 1 XX but BFN from Aug 14 FET...we're going to HRC 2015, BFN Mar 15 also. 3 boys in my family- that's us!!

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  5. #13
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    Thank you ladies for your kind words!

    Wannagirl, I'm so sorry HT didn't work for you. That must be hard. I wanted to do ht but dh was against it...

    I've been feeling ok... Some says better than others. I feel him moving in my tummy but I'm not that excited about it which I hate. This part has always been the best part of pregnancy when you feel the baby moving and I feel so sad I can't be that excited about it this time.

    I told you about my friend who got a girl after two boys. She asked me to be their daughter's godmother and I'm still very happy about that. They came to visit us last weekend when we had our DS2' birthday party and I saw that little baby girl for the first time. She was so beautiful and she wore the cutest little dress. My friend seemed so happy and complete with her family. Everyone said how lovely she is (I did too of course) and then dh's aunt asked are we having a boy or girl. We told her boy and she said it would have been nice if we got a girl too. I felt so bad. When I went to bed that evening I cried. I was so sad again that I will never have a daughter of my own and I will never have that feeling what my friend feels now. I will never dress her in those adorable little dresses. God this is hard. My friend's daughter has her christening next weekend and I went to buy her a present yesterday. I bought her a beautiful necklace and I had tears in my eyes. I want to buy those things to my own daughter aswell.

    I still can't believe we weren't lucky even when we swayed. It's just so hard, why it works for others and for others not.

    I've been telling everyone who asks about the gender that it's a boy. I just want them to know so it's done. Few comments have been 'oh no'. Even if I haven't told we were hoping for a girl. It really hurts, why someone says 'oh no!' when I tell them about my baby. Some comments have been nice too but nothing special.

    I wish it was September already and I could have him in my arms. Not really enjoying being pregnant this time. I've gained a lot of weight too which I hate. I hate gender disappointment and I just want it to go away.
    2010 (confirmed boy)
    2011 2014 2016

  6. #14
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    Your post really hit me - the story about your friend and how you felt when you saw her happiness and her little girl, and the stinging comment from your DH's aunt. You're a really great writer. I know those comments from people are so difficult to hear - it's definitely salt in the wound. It doesn't help much, but I do feel that most people know not what they do. If I think back on it, I know I made some thoughtless comments to mothers before I had children and before I ever thought about whether I wanted a boy or girl and certainly before I ever understood GD. Anyway, I wish you well and I understand your feeling that you just want to have your son in your arms. I remember when I was 7 months pregnant I went baby clothes shopping with my sister-in-law who had a new baby girl. She was buying for her girl and I for my new boy. I felt totally unmotivated and sad and envious. But when my second son arrived two months later, that sadness was replaced by the joy of meeting him and seeing my first son's reaction to him. I remember hearing my mom tell my dad on the phone that I was the happiest she'd ever seen me. And I was! It's just that continued longing for a daughter, anyway, no matter how much I love my sons or how good my life is. I feel you. Sending love!

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  8. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2xblue View Post
    We found out we're having our third boy almost two weeks ago. I swayed so hard for this one, did absolutely everything I could to have a little girl but failed. I'm having such a hard time dealing with this. I had really high hopes for this one being a girl as I had a pretty good sway. Maybe it makes it even harder to accept.

    I'm now 14 weeks pregnant. I feel no excitement for this baby or pregnancy. I've been trying to think names (there is one I like) and bought some clothes for him but I feel nothing but sadness. I don't feel him moving yet and I'm scared when I will, then he really is there. It sounds so horrible to say this but these are my feelings right now.

    This is our last child. I had to convince DH for a third and it wasn't easy. I wish I would've been happy with my two boys and not wanting a third one. Three boys is really not what I wanted. First when I started planning on a third one I wanted to go HT but DH was really against it. So here I am, a mother of three boys. I should have known we only make boys. I really wish I wasn't pregnant. Life would be so much easier with my two boys.

    I've been crying alot. I feel so guilty feeling this way. I know every child is a blessing. I love my boys but it's just so hard to accept not having a daughter, ever. I'm scared to tell everyone it's another boy. I'm scared of people's reactions. I feel guilty that I wanted a third child so badly and my poor DH agreed even though he really didn't want a third. And now he has to see me like this, not wanting this child.

    Almost everyone I know have a pigeon pair or have a girl after two boys. My friend just had her baby girl after two boys. She asked me to be that baby girl's godmother. I'm happy that she asked. Maybe I can have a good relationship with that girl and buy her girly things as I will never have a girl of my own.

    I really hope as the time goes on I will find some peace. I'm little bit regretting finding out the gender. Maybe I should have been team green. I hate to feel so sad when I'm pregnant. But I decided to find out so I could prepare my self for a boy but this is hard, harder than I ever thought it would be. Maybe it would have been easier to find out at birth. But I was scared I would be so sad holding a newborn and I didn't want that. Well, now I know the gender and I have to live with that. I hope everything will be fine when I hold him...
    (((HUGS))) I'm so sorry! I don't have much advice expect it is ok to have these feelings. If you don't have anyone IRL to talk about this, please keep coming here. I had a really hard time when I found out my 2nd was a boy - especially after I was told girl at 12 and 16 weeks, but the minute I laid eyes on him, my heart melt! I hope you have similar experience.

    I agree, telling people is the hardest part. I wish everyone could just be happy you are bringing a healthy baby into this world, but they all feel like they have to voice their opinions. I'm sure most don't understand the hurt they are inflicting, but it is still hard to not let it get to you.

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  10. #16
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    Thank you oceancitymom, English is not my native language and sometimes I find it hard to write here. I feel like I can't always write what I want to say...

    Afrevert, oh no, that must be really hard when you have been told girl twice! I can't even imagine. I'm having my anomaly scan next week. I want to see the boy parts myself.

    I know people don't understand that their comments might be hurtful. I'm trying not to let them get to me, but it's not always easy.

    We went to my friend's daughter's christening last weekend. Actually it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She was beautiful and everything was so pink and pretty. I held her alot. Of course I felt sad thinking about the daughter I would never have but I was ok. There was also my friend's sister who has 3 boys (youngest one is soon 1 year old) and I was talking to her. I told her we are going to have a third boy aswell. It helped that I saw someone with 3 boys.

    One of my neighbours are expecting their third. They have two daughters and I know they are hoping to have a son. I know they will have a son and I already feel jealous. It's crazy to feel this way.
    2010 (confirmed boy)
    2011 2014 2016

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  12. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2xblue View Post
    Thank you oceancitymom, English is not my native language and sometimes I find it hard to write here. I feel like I can't always write what I want to say...

    Afrevert, oh no, that must be really hard when you have been told girl twice! I can't even imagine. I'm having my anomaly scan next week. I want to see the boy parts myself.

    I know people don't understand that their comments might be hurtful. I'm trying not to let them get to me, but it's not always easy.

    We went to my friend's daughter's christening last weekend. Actually it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. She was beautiful and everything was so pink and pretty. I held her alot. Of course I felt sad thinking about the daughter I would never have but I was ok. There was also my friend's sister who has 3 boys (youngest one is soon 1 year old) and I was talking to her. I told her we are going to have a third boy aswell. It helped that I saw someone with 3 boys.

    One of my neighbours are expecting their third. They have two daughters and I know they are hoping to have a son. I know they will have a son and I already feel jealous. It's crazy to feel this way.
    You know, I really don't feel it's crazy. My cousin-in-law just announced she's having a girl, which means ALL of my in laws have had their perfect boy-girl pigeon pair, and here I am with the girl feeling doomed to never get a boy.

    Acknowledging that it's my pure jealousy and insecurities and coming here always helps me. I hope we all get what we desire someday, and I'm so glad we have this forum in the meantime!

    Sent from my SM-G930V using Tapatalk
    DD 2016
    x8
    DD 2019 (sway opposite )


    Dec. 2017: IVF Cycle #1 - 16 > 9 > 2 blasts: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XY
    Feb. 2018: IVF Cycle #2 - 17 > 8 > 4 blasts: 1 normal XX, 1 abnormal XX, 2 abnormal XY
    Took a leap of faith and transferred two XYs: Chemical


    No rainbows. Just an unending storm.

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  14. #18
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    Hi 2xblue,
    I am sorry you are feeling this way. You are NOT a monster! Thought I would share because what you wrote struck such a chord with me.
    We had a plan of 2 boys and 2 girls, so were happy when ds1 and ds2 came along. Tried to sway for our third...hadn't found this site yet.... And I had to find out if we were having another boy so I could be prepared. And indeed, ds3 was the verdict. I spebt the rest of my pregnancy devastated that we were having another boy. Worse though...my family felt very strongly against anyone ever finding out before birth, so I never told anyone except dh. That made it worse, because everyone and their dog predicted we would have a girl for our third and I knew the truth. And it was crushing. I cried when engagement ring commercials would come over the radio, or when I would see girls out with their moms. I felt so disconnected from my baby.
    He is 5 now. Loves pink. Loves to play with baby dolls. Has told me he wishes he was a girl because girls are better. And that crushes me now because I feel like he got all those feelings of resentment and disappointment that I had through his pregnancy and feels he isn't good enough the way he is. In lucid moments I believe he is just a 5 year old boy who still adores his mommy and sees me taking care of his baby brother and he wants to be able to be that person too (yup...we got a 4th boy...somehow...it's been 3 years and I still look back at my chart from the month he was conceived and say uhhhh how did this happen???).
    You will come to cherish having three boys. And they will all adore you and when they are grown, you will be visited constantly by handsome young men who know how to treat a lady.

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    2006 2008 2011 2013 Due 2017

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  16. #19
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    Throwaway, this is your first child so you might be lucky to have boy next!

    Thank you Raezodal. I first thought I wouldn't want anyone to know what we're having but I think it's better just to let everyone know. Like you said it would be crushing when you know it's another boy but everyone keeps saying it's a girl. So did you find out ds4 when you were pregnant? I'm sorry you didn't get your dream family (2 boys and 2 girls) but I'm sure you have lovely sons.

    I haven't been able to come here for a while. This forum reminds me of my dream to have a girl and how hard I worked to make that dream come true but it didn't happen for us. And it's crushing that so many get their dream gender even though I'm trying to be happy for others. I just feel again that almost everyone are so lucky to have both boys and girls and I'm doomed to have only boys. I know few families with only boys and it does help but girls are born everywhere...
    2010 (confirmed boy)
    2011 2014 2016

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    I am coming back to this site because of this thread :-) It does help me knowing I am not alone in this situation.
    I am nearly 6 months pregnant now and I mostly come to terms with it that we are having an all boy family but there are still days when I think back what if we had waited trying till spring time (all boys concieved in autumn) or what if it wasnt full moon etc...I think it is difficult to accept that I tried so hard and why it didn't work for us. (I suppose it is down to being a boys mum that I like to have control over things and have to accept that this something I just couldn't...)

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