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  1. #1
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    Found out we're having our third boy

    We found out we're having our third boy almost two weeks ago. I swayed so hard for this one, did absolutely everything I could to have a little girl but failed. I'm having such a hard time dealing with this. I had really high hopes for this one being a girl as I had a pretty good sway. Maybe it makes it even harder to accept.

    I'm now 14 weeks pregnant. I feel no excitement for this baby or pregnancy. I've been trying to think names (there is one I like) and bought some clothes for him but I feel nothing but sadness. I don't feel him moving yet and I'm scared when I will, then he really is there. It sounds so horrible to say this but these are my feelings right now.

    This is our last child. I had to convince DH for a third and it wasn't easy. I wish I would've been happy with my two boys and not wanting a third one. Three boys is really not what I wanted. First when I started planning on a third one I wanted to go HT but DH was really against it. So here I am, a mother of three boys. I should have known we only make boys. I really wish I wasn't pregnant. Life would be so much easier with my two boys.

    I've been crying alot. I feel so guilty feeling this way. I know every child is a blessing. I love my boys but it's just so hard to accept not having a daughter, ever. I'm scared to tell everyone it's another boy. I'm scared of people's reactions. I feel guilty that I wanted a third child so badly and my poor DH agreed even though he really didn't want a third. And now he has to see me like this, not wanting this child.

    Almost everyone I know have a pigeon pair or have a girl after two boys. My friend just had her baby girl after two boys. She asked me to be that baby girl's godmother. I'm happy that she asked. Maybe I can have a good relationship with that girl and buy her girly things as I will never have a girl of my own.

    I really hope as the time goes on I will find some peace. I'm little bit regretting finding out the gender. Maybe I should have been team green. I hate to feel so sad when I'm pregnant. But I decided to find out so I could prepare my self for a boy but this is hard, harder than I ever thought it would be. Maybe it would have been easier to find out at birth. But I was scared I would be so sad holding a newborn and I didn't want that. Well, now I know the gender and I have to live with that. I hope everything will be fine when I hold him...
    2010 (confirmed boy)
    2011 2014 2016

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  3. #2
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    I can assure you that it will be fine when you hold him! You will fall in love inmediatly!
    GD is probably still there. But has nothing to do with him.
    But the I wish i had a girl will kick in once in a while.


    I've been there. We did try for a fourth. But at the time we did. I came at peace with me having only boys.
    As soon as ds 2 and also with ds3 were born i had fallen in love.
    I had less GD with ds 3 because I knew after DS 2 that everything was fine as soon as i could hold him.
    I love looking at those birth pictures. The feeling was so warm and loving.

    Don't be hard on yourself. Everything will turn out fine.
    Mom to

    THX Atomic and gender dreaming forum/members. For your knowledge and support to make our dream come true and family complete!

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  5. #3
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    I am in the same situation as you are, found out two weeks ago we are having our third boy. Also our definite last as I also had to persuade my husband to have a 3rd. I found it difficult for a week, than I started searching for blogs for families who have three boys and it really helped me coming to terms with having an all boy family. (this one is really good I think:I Love You More Than Carrots) Having three boys will be something special, a bond between three brothers is a life-long relationship. We can all go to outdoorsy holidays together, we wouldn't need to take into account a girl's different wish and split the family. My boys are very loving, funny little men and to be honest to myself I always enjoyed male conversations than chatting about beuty products or go shopping trips. I am now looking forward when I have three grown-up men who will share their interesting hobbies, great sense of humour etc. And by having a third boy you have just increased your chances of having a granddaughter whom you will spoil :-) (I always had a special and deep relationship with my grandmother)
    Let's keep in touch and we can help eachother through hard times (honestly I am not looking forward to teenage years when they will eat our whole salary...) or how to deal with people's comments as for me that is what creates gender dissapointment. I think if I lived in a desert island I wouldn't care if I have three boys, but going to my older one's school and answering people nosey questions I find hard to deal with.

  6. #4
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    You don't have to wait till teenage years to have Your whole salary eaten!!! Lol.
    People always look when they see my very blond laughing guys! They are very sweet and open for interaction. They love grown ups. And crawl in everyone's lap who accepts. They are like puppy's.
    And yet all so different.
    After DS2 i realised that i didn't just got 2 sons. But i got (fill in name) and (name 2)
    And after 3 ot was even more his own personality.
    It doesn't take away the complete desire. But makes it easyer.
    We were blessed with a fourth a DD. But my feelings towards her are the same as to my boys. They are all my children. And there own personalitys.
    I know my life with three sons would have been amazing too.
    Mom to

    THX Atomic and gender dreaming forum/members. For your knowledge and support to make our dream come true and family complete!

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  8. #5
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    My friend just had her baby girl after two boys. She asked me to be that baby girl's godmother. I'm happy that she asked. Maybe I can have a good relationship with that girl and buy her girly things as I will never have a girl of my own.
    I think it's wonderful you're already looking at that as a positive, because I think that's very likely to happen for you -- and I can say, I was very close to other adult women in my life over my own mother (like teachers, etc.,), and as an adult myself, found bonds with young girls (like my cousins, niece, students, etc... things I'm hoping ease my GD over having a girl myself).

    I do think it's probably best you found out the sex now. Team Green CAN work for people, but I also think trying to work through the emotions and feelings before birth can be good, too... especially because, based on my experience, hearing people predict the sex incorrectly could only lead to some serious heartbreak for you at birth. For instance, pretty much everyone but one person has said I must be having a boy, when I know I'm having a girl... and I REALLY wanted a boy. I had toyed with going team green for my sanity, but I'm really glad I found out so I wasn't going through the whole pregnancy "assuming" it might be a boy.

    Overall, I think you have some thoughts in mind that are signs of a very healthy mind and spirit -- I think you'll get over your GD faster than you think, and you doing things like picking out a name you like and buying clothes are all really helpful.

    I'll be thinking of you and wishing you the best <3

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  10. #6
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    Thank you sweetdream, dalmad and throwaway_panther. I truly appreciate your support. I really need some right now.

    Last night I had a total breakdown. DH has been telling everyone we're having a boy and we were trying for a girl and it was too much for me. I wasn't ready to everyone know yet and I really don't want everyone to know how we were trying for a girl. I spent the whole night crying and I told my true feelings to DH how I have no excitement for this pregnancy and how I feel like I don't even want this baby. He was shocked. I feel like a monster. What kind of a mother feels like this about her unborn child.

    Sweetdream, thank you for your story. It helps to hear people get over gd. You are very lucky to have your boys and a girl. How old are your boys?

    Dalmad, sorry you didn't get your girl either but you sound so in peace with having a third son. Maybe I will some day too? That is so true that other people's comments creates gd. I hate that.

    Throwaway, that is true. If I didn't find out until birth I would probably had high hopes for a girl and I would be heartbroken. Sorry you didn't get the son you wanted but congrats on your girl.
    2010 (confirmed boy)
    2011 2014 2016

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    My boys are 9,7 and 5.
    My girl is 1.

    You are not a monster. This is what hormones and dissapointment do to you.
    You can't hold him. You don't know who he is yet. And you already have two of those. (But you know you love them both for completly different reasons. But you KNOW them)
    You wouldn't know a girl yet either. But you have fantasies About her. Thats why that would be different.

    I wanted to go live somewere else have the baby and then return. Because comments are a tad milder as they see the newborn. And melt away then.
    Like you will too.
    Even with my fourth. I knew i could cope with another Son. Its the judgements and the comments that strengthen Your raw feelings wich hurt so much.
    It has nothing to do with this child.

    I know for a fact if they drop him on your doorstep right now! And say you need to take care of this baby he needs you. You would love him and cherish him.
    Because you can see him and smell him and cuddle him.
    And he is yours!

    I thought i wouldn't have the same feelings when i knew i got my girl but i did.
    Even while pg I had unhappy feelings. The subject changed. I was bummed bout my weight.
    I hated ppl's comment! Finally a girl! Or whatever they said. Like my boys weren't a gift!
    I had the feelings but i didn't wanted ppl to say them to me.

    Later i heard Some found it hard to talk to me. Cause of my responds.
    I just wanted Some respect and joy for all of my children.
    They've hurted me to much in the past already.

    Its a shame Your DH couldn't wait till you were ready.
    Its ok to feel like this right now. You will be fine but it takes Some time.
    Maybe till birth.
    Ppl are just hard and you are already judging yourself. You don't need the dissaproval of others!!
    Mom to

    THX Atomic and gender dreaming forum/members. For your knowledge and support to make our dream come true and family complete!

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  13. #8
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    2xblue, I think it is ok to feel how you feel, you need to mourn the daughter you won't have but with any feeling of loss it will get better over time. I had the same breakdown with my husband after the scan, also cried and said the same things as you did but then something clicked over in me when my DS1 told me how he wanted a little sister and he wishes the baby was a girl. I felt like I have unintentionally taught him a behavioral pattern or he sensed what I felt. So I started reassuring him how I love my boys and I am lucky to have a third one. Then started searching online for families who are in the same situation as me and I have come across so many good examples.
    I have also booked a 4D scan in 2 weeks time where we will go as a family so the boys can start to bond with their little brother and we can have a better view of him too. I think it will help me with bonding too as still sometimes when I imagine the future I see 2 boys and 1 girl and then I intentionally have twist my mind to try to picture 3 little boy heads.

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    Thank you girls, your words means alot!

    I've had few better days. But I guess these feelings comes and goes. And it's so true it's hard because I can't see or hold him yet. Our DS1 hoped for a second little brother so that helps little bit that he is happy with a boy.

    Dalmad, 4D scan is a great idea. Especially when your boys will see him too. I will have my anomaly scan in 5 weeks. I have to think about if we will go to a 4D scan.

    I'm still having hard time believing my sway didn't work. I really thought I had a great chance having a girl as I did quite strict LE for 6 months and did the exercise 60min×6 a week, also lost alot of weight. I knew even 'perfect' sways could fail but I wanted to believe I could get my girl this way. I just keep asking myself why it didn't work for us, why we weren't lucky.

    I've been also thinking what if my blood test was wrong about the gender. I know this is totally stupid to even question it as NIPT is almost 100% accurate. I know this is a boy but why I still feel like what if... I guess I just need to see the boy parts in my 20week scan.
    2010 (confirmed boy)
    2011 2014 2016

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    Quote Originally Posted by 2xblue View Post
    Thank you sweetdream, dalmad and throwaway_panther. I truly appreciate your support. I really need some right now.

    Last night I had a total breakdown. DH has been telling everyone we're having a boy and we were trying for a girl and it was too much for me. I wasn't ready to everyone know yet and I really don't want everyone to know how we were trying for a girl. I spent the whole night crying and I told my true feelings to DH how I have no excitement for this pregnancy and how I feel like I don't even want this baby. He was shocked. I feel like a monster. What kind of a mother feels like this about her unborn child.

    Sweetdream, thank you for your story. It helps to hear people get over gd. You are very lucky to have your boys and a girl. How old are your boys?

    Dalmad, sorry you didn't get your girl either but you sound so in peace with having a third son. Maybe I will some day too? That is so true that other people's comments creates gd. I hate that.

    Throwaway, that is true. If I didn't find out until birth I would probably had high hopes for a girl and I would be heartbroken. Sorry you didn't get the son you wanted but congrats on your girl.
    You are not a horrible person, plenty of women may feel this way and not admit it. I always 3 boys because i always wanted a brother and only had sisters. Well i had my 3 boys in a row and was shock that i got what i wanted. When i found out i was pregnant with my 4th i was like i want a girl. Nope another boy, and i had bad depression, real bad. I just thaught i once again would get what i wanted, i even bought some baby girl shoes. but once he was born i was so in-love. I would not trade him for any girl, im so happy he is a boy. You will be so in-love once your 3rd son is here. Just know you're not alone. 😊

    Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk
    (2004) : (2006) : (2007) : (2010) (2013)
    (2018) (2018) (2019)
    (2020)

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