How do you deal with GD?

[maximbella]

Thanks, TP! I have been on bed rest due to a hematoma, so I do agree while exercise would be SO helpful for me, I haven't been able to do much. It certainly does not help me since I'm typically so active and probably leading to a good portion of my sadness. I'm really praying that over time and when baby arrives, these feelings will go away...I'm just so concerned for the "what if" it doesn't go away, you know? How can I see your posts regarding DD? I have been so concerned that my hormones and anxiety will somehow affect the baby. It all just kills me!

Thinking of you....and fingers crossed so hard for your blue bundle!

[Throwaway_panther]

Thanks, TP! I have been on bed rest due to a hematoma, so I do agree while exercise would be SO helpful for me, I haven't been able to do much. It certainly does not help me since I'm typically so active and probably leading to a good portion of my sadness. I'm really praying that over time and when baby arrives, these feelings will go away...I'm just so concerned for the "what if" it doesn't go away, you know? How can I see your posts regarding DD? I have been so concerned that my hormones and anxiety will somehow affect the baby. It all just kills me!

Thinking of you....and fingers crossed so hard for your blue bundle!

Aw, thank you! And I think if you just looked at my early post history, or even in this subforum, I was PRETTY verbose in my GD. Totally does not affect your baby. Remember, babies are born unwanted from a variety of reasons -- it's not the gestational stress that messes a kid up. It's how you raise them. And you WILL love your son, so don't worrt about that.

The bed rest part sucks! Is even yoga out of the picture? Studies have shown bed rest actually doesn't do much, and can cause antepartum depression, so I wonder how much of this is GD and how much of it is the latter. Please talk to a therapist or counselor if you can!

[trifecta]

Max!! I honestly can't even read through the comments bc I know they are going to say how this little boy will steal your heart.

Ok, but try not to be critical of other people's well-meaning posts. Everyone here suffers from GD.

[maximbella]

I'm with you TP, I'm honestly starting to wonder if most of this is caused by bedrest, especially as I'm a naturally very active person. I made an appointment with a counselor to discuss.

[ChezIBY]

Max, I am so sorry to read about your struggles with GD, which is one hell of a b****!!

Can I just echo in part what panther said (cause it was panther who made me fell a hundred percent better when I was pregnant and had my own GD) - and that is to focus on yourself!! During this time. Try not to worry about the baby and oh my gosh, how will it affect him that I am feelng this way while carrying him? I know for me that was so horrid with GD - the guilt of feeling that way while carrying her and being terrified it would mean we wouldn't bond Panther said it wouldn't and I just bilndly believed that and threw my energy into pampering myself, trying to stay healthy, being outdoors, meeting friends, eating well, preparing for the birth (hypnobirthing, yoga, lamaze, the lot). My birth went really well, I was so relieved and exhilirated and really believe that that's what helped me bounce back almost at once and bond with DD super easily once she was out!

So if I may, I think you are headed the right way with wanting to get outside when possible and speaking to a therapist. Just whenever you start to feel down, maybe try to actively do something good for yourself. Baby is a part of you so far anyway, so what's good for you is good for baby! Hope you feel better <3

[ChezIBY]

Max, I actually logged off and popped back on now with another thought I wanted to share, since your original question was 'how do you deal with GD?'

I find that looking at the big picture helps. Let me explain: when we feel down with GD, we're naturally irked by all those people announcing their pregnancies with their dream genders and by social media (and if I've said it once I've said it a dozen times, get OFF FB when you're feeling down people!! Everyone only shows what they want you to see there, you'll always feel worse if you are already down.) But you know, having the baby is only the start. I know a lot of people, and a lot of people a deal older than me thanks to work. I know a bunch of people with PP or who got a same gender pair/trio and it's what they wanted. But I know extremely few families with grown children where everyone is happy. Seriously, I have no idea why, but I know so many people whose kids don't speak to them anymore/don't speak to each other/family fell apart :/ I have a good friend who is old enough to be my Mom, and she had a PP (and is very proud of this openly) and each of HER kids has had a PP (come on!) And neither of her kids really speak to her or to each other. The end result is that she's greatly invested in me and my DD and even asks if she can be 'an adoptive grandma' to DD, which I find rather sad as she has four grandkids of her own! My point is, I do have a picture of the ideal family I want and gender desire is part of that picture, in full honesty yes. But the more ultimate goal is a united family, my kids close to each other even when they grow up and close to me and my DH, and healthy (please!). I'm sort of an idealist , but yes, I would love PP or a family containing both boys and girls - but I would love one united even more, if I have a PP and twenty years from now I never even see them I won't feel like 'it was worth it and I got my dream'. Helps me keep things in perspective, but dunno if that is useful to you.. take care

[maximbella]

Chez, thank you so much! And you actually nailed it on the head, I'm looking for a happy, united family...and for some reason in my mind, that would be with three daughters, not mixed daughter/son. I think that not knowing the son/brother dynamic (I only grew up with sisters and now have two daughters) sort of scares me. The relationships that I see with my guy friends and their parents is that they've parted ways with their parents, or if they're married, their parents take a back seat to the wives parents. And that's okay and perfectly healthy and normal. What I worry about most is that my kids all have a very close relationship with each other, since eventually they will be left here without their parents. The main reason for wanting to add another is that I pictured another daughter being close with her older sisters. For some reason, with the age gap of 6 and 8 years, I worry that a son won't have any immediate similar interests as my daughters and won't form the same types of bonds that a sister would. It's just crushing to me, and although logically I know that personality (not gender) are more important, I'm still having a hard time coping with the idea of a son. It's hitting me so much harder than I could have imagined, and that just hurts!

[lovepink13]

I am so sorry you're feeling this way. I can't count how many times I cried when I found out I was having a boy. My husband was even more upset and I felt like he thought it was my fault we ended up with a boy. I told myself the last 20 weeks of my pregnancy that they were wrong and it had to be a girl. He wouldn't even hold him for longer than a minute at the beginning. Honestly, it did take me awhile to get over it. I had PPD and GD for 2-3 months after his birth.

My son is 2 next month and my husband and I were just talking about how amazing he is and how he really is the best thing that happened to us. We are both so happy he is who he is and are so happy he isn't a girl. Everyone that meets him says he is the sweetest happiest kid. He truly is the light of our lives.. I don't have an ounce of GD anymore and don't regret even a little that I didn't sway for a girl (I didn't know it was a thing).

Obviously, I do want to try for a girl next otherwise I wouldn't be on this page but I know that if I am sad if I get pregnant with a boy that he will still be the second best thing that has ever happened to me.

Even if the rest of your pregnancy is hard just know that it will get better and that this little man picked you for a reason.

[graysmama]

I was super worried about the age gap. My son is 7 and my daughter is 1. He adores her and they play all the time now that she's a toddler and interested in playing. I always wanted one of each with a big brother and little sister but I had hope for a much smaller age gap but PCOS related secondary infertility and our financial situation got in the way. I was scared they wouldn't bond at all yet they have. They will cram in a chair together to watch cartoons. She follows him around. I have this American Girl doll table that I think was part of a furniture set for the Kirsten doll. My daughter will sit on it upside down while he pushes her. My son loves to read to her and he will sit and play with her little people doll house with her. It's a different bond I suppose then close together siblings would have but I love seeing them develop a relationship.

Sons don't necessarily abandon their families when they grow up. My dad was super close to his mom until she passed away and he's still close to his dad. My mom also loved his mom and she is close to one of my dad's sisters. We spend a lot of time with my husband's mom and she's just as an important part of our lives as my parents are. I have 3 younger brothers. They are all still close with my parents just as my sister and I are. One of my brothers is married and has twin boys and my mom adores them. She also has a good relationship with my sister in law.

[lindz]

I know it’s hard to not get the family you want. You’re actually getting the dream family I wanted, two sisters close in age to be best friends and the last one a little boy to spoil and be the baby of the family. You’re lucky in that most of us here are dreaming of what a son or what a daughter will be like, and you get to experience both. Others are here dreaming of giving their daughter a sister, but you are lucky enough to have that as well. Your baby boy will find a place in the family. His special personality will shine through and you won’t regret having him once he’s here. You don’t need to know anything about boys. You don’t need to assume he will leave you when he’s older. My husband loves spending time with his parents, and I definitely make an effort to make sure we visit often so don’t assume a DIL won’t love you too. It’s ok to not be excited during your pregnancy. I wasn’t with my second boy, but I loved him the second I met him. My older son isn’t the stereotypical hyperactive toddler and my baby is the sweetest happiest little boy. This article might make you feel better. The author had two girls then a boy, and has a special relationship with him now. The Boy I Never Wanted – Scary Mommy



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