Results 1 to 7 of 7
  1. #1
    Big Dreamer
    Sora's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Paris, France
    Posts
    395
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0

    Sadly joining you here

    I'm having a third girl, I guess everyone already saw my other posts. I hoped to never experiment that again. And it is even worse than I thought it would be. The situation is especially difficult because I hurt my health and body with this pregnancy, I am confined due to Corona and worried about husband on the front lines... and now I'm stuck with GD.
    Also unknown to me til recently, many moms girls of my neighborhood have been trying for a 3rd child. And guess what ? They are all pregnant with boys now.

    All except me.

    I think many posters have said it all already. I'm broken, I'm a mess, I've been physically ill since earning the news. I can't stop vomiting and crying and I'm getting nosebleeds and headaches every few hours. My whole body is rejecting the new, something that didn't happen with DD3. Husband was against having four children but seeing me like this he's now speaking of HT, though we don't know if we will be able to afford it or if it will work. If we go that road, we will have to start as soon as I'm delivered. I'm 34 already while he's younger.

    I feel so betrayed. By him first of all, that incompetent mess who has hurt me in the past and seems unable to make a boy. By my body, which is unable to switch genders or at least reject XX. By Nature. By whatever God out there who seems eager to punish me. For what I do not know. Betrayed by my friends who manage to have PP. Betrayed by all these girls moms who succeeded and it's like they stole all blue dust.

    Wondering what is wrong with me. Wondering if I should just disappear, that way I won't hurt any more and there will be less girls in this house.

    Am I cursed ? I was bullied then physically assaulted by women my whole life, my own mother included. Are my daughters the next generation of bullies ? Is it why I can't get a son, because he would intercede and protect me and God wants me to suffer at the hands of my gender until I die of it ? I'm very close to die from it anyway.

    I don't know what to think anymore. I feel insane anger looking at girl stuff (sorry pink swayer who are dreaming about little dresses). I was dreaming about buying these so called "ugly" boy's clothes and toys. I was hoping I would finally be able to leave my GD days behind and laugh at it. Hoping I could forgive DD2 for "stealing" a turn (surprise baby). Now I'm stuck with two girls to forgive. It's not their fault. I should have tested abroad with NIPT, I should have aborted. I should have gone HT asap but I didn't want to go through such a heavy process, steal an infertile couple's place, while young and fertile... But now what ?

    Of course I stopped feeling anything for that baby the moment I heard. It is still a cute baby. Would make a boy's mom or a sterile woman very happy I'm sure. But I can't. I am horrified now each time she moves and feel disgusted with myself for feeling like this. I hoped I would "fall in love" still like some of you did but I just can't. Maybe in a few years but not now. And I won't bet on later. Can't see her as anything more than a punishment. At least husband is still happy.

    I know nothing about being a woman which leaves me as an incompetent girls' mom. And women for me are violent and dangerous creatures, much like some perceive all men as rapists and are afraid of having sons. Curiously, I've heard of cases of former rape victims being authorized to abort male embryos as to not worsen their traumas. But strangely, a victim of female violence won't get the same offer. She just has to suck it up and surround herself with potential abusers.

    My own mother tried to throw me down a flight of stairs. I was trying to escape her abuse after my father told her he was getting a divorce. A neighboor heard the screams and came out and thankfully caught me. She had broken my phone prior so I wouldn't be able to call my father or boyfriend for help.

    No she didn't go to jail. She was seen as a poor woman taking bad news the wrong way. One more victim of a careless man. Because girls are soft, they like tea-parties and can't be violent, right ? Or not without a good reason. I was the bad daughter for not forgiving her or understanding her sadness. And I was left with her cause "minors need their moms in their lives". My minors themselves MALE friends worked very hard to get me as much out of the house as they could. Female friends thought having a bad mom wasn't a good enough excuse to miss a shopping date or burst into tears in front of my cup of tea.

    Switch gender and see if a man throwing his child down a flight of stairs and doing his utmost to keep them from calling for help will be seen as a "poor man who took divorce the hard way and the sad victim of a careless woman". If the daughter of such a man is a bad girl for not forgiving him or crying because of all the abuse she endures.

    I love my daughters, I try to raise them well and make them happy. What else can I do ? But my mother was cared for too. She had a violent father though. But if anything, her mother loved her since she was her only girl, cared for her and tried very hard to protect her from abuse. Not only is she mistreating that same mother, my grandma who had to raise me when my mother proved unable to, but she ended up abusive toward me. You would think with such a past, my BROTHER would be the one getting the abuse as revenge for what my grandfather did ? But no. He was hailed as the Messiah. And so even today, he sides with my mother even though he does not approve her abuse of me and tried to protect me from it. He pities her.

    Why am I telling this ? I don't know. Just that my personnal life and experiences taught me how dangerous and sadistic women are. And how devoted and loving men can be. My brother worrying about the health and life of an abusive unstable mother. My male friends worrying and caring for their alcooholic, drug-addicts moms despite the fear, tears and abuse. My husband caring for his cheating mom and helping her around while still not approving her cheating ways. By the way, she assaulted me too one day she had taken alcoohol with meds. She refused to apologize and that's when she definitely lost her son's love and support. Note that : she had to physically ASSAULT his wife for him to reject her ! No prior abuse, no cheating, nothing else would have worked !

    And I didn't talk about male strangers jumping to protect me from attempted robbery or assault, this time by males sure, while the women present LAUGHED (because these happened to be their brothers or sons I learned later).

    Meanwhile, and not later than last month, I had to watch daughters belittle and hurl abuse at their own mothers. Because they were not pretty enough. Because they were not successfull enough. Because they didn't like their new dress. Because they're sick and hospitalized and can't watch other the grandkids. Because because because. They insult their moms, mock them in my ears, call them failures and "good thing I didn't inherit that from them". They call them unloving and non-deserving of respect because they're not physically or mentally perfect. They envy the mom next door with her perfect career and fashionnable clothes and perfect manicured nails. They sigh about the curse of not having a model as a mom.
    Once I did point out what my mother did to me when a girl was complaining about her mom being "hospitalized too often to have quality girl time and the gifts not making up for it". Know what she said to me ?

    "I still wish I could have your mom. At least, she is present enough to have time to hit you. And trust me, someone angry at you is still better than someone who is never there."

    Who would want daughters after this ? Seriously, who would ? I never knew nor witnessed a balanced mother/daughter bond. I know they exist but it's a bit like a rare animal or something. You know they exist but until you see one up close, touch it even, it never hit nor stick that yes, they do exist.

    I've seen loving mother/daughter pair but how to say ? It was the opposite and not good either. They were so joined at the hip, no matter their reasons, that they just couldn't even blink without the other's approval. Mom or daughter or both. I've seen moms crying out loud because their daughter now living their adult life had forgotten to call them once. No matter that the daughter called the day after apologizing, they were totally out of their mind with sadness and worry and very hard to calm down. Saw the same the other way around. Daughters stopping to eat or sleep because their "mamma" hadn't been able to call or visit. Fumbling with their phones, rushing to their car and driving miles in fear. Fear that something happened, of course. But also fear of it being a sign that "mommy" didn't love them anymore. I've seen daughters use that mad love of their moms to take money from them with the threat "I won't love nor speak to you forever if you don't comply". I've seen controlling moms use that influence to decide everything in their daughters lives. From the pets they could adopt to the husband they should marry. Even the clothes they could wear at work. Or the jobs they should apply to. The car they could buy. The destination they could go to for the holidays. Some even forcing their daughters to go on a "bonding trip" with them, leaving husband and kids behind. Under the threat of "if you don't come, I will know you for the ungrateful brat you are".

    I tried to help two of them. Because they were very unhappy with their lives without being able to see what was wrong. They felt it had to do with mom but "mom loves me, that's why she meddles so much".

    I failed on both cases btw. Now at 40, their moms are still deciding everything, keeping them all to themselves. The rest of the family has given up trying to rescue them. As for me, these loving moms smelled the rival and forbid their daughters to hang out with me, arguing I was out to break their "precious bond" and after all "I'm a motherless girl, I must be jealous of what I don't have.".

    It's weird but I never saw that between fathers and sons. Maybe I'm wrong though but I don't know.

    You know, each of these bad role-models... They were female babies in a belly once. They had moms. They were raised in a loving family as far as I know. There was no problem of gender disappointment or else. They had daughters. They loved them.

    So why is it that they destroy each-other ? What makes an apparently normal woman go out of her way to break her own daughter ? What makes the daughter of a poor loving but not perfect woman so angry that she can never find a sweet word for that person who would sacrifice anything for her ? Men can find it in themselves to understand their moms are having a bad time, suffering, are addicts, are pitiable at worse. But not the oh so-called peacefull, loving, soft, not war-addict gender ?

    I look at my daughters, all cute for now and innocent, whom I try to raise well and whom I love because they're still my daughters. But there's always that nagging fear. The fear of one day discovering they became violent bullies. The fear of hearing them talk like all the women in my life. Even fear of failing to make them independant and having them run around madly if they can't have me in their line of sight.

    Fear of waking up one day with cancer and have them say "Oh God ! Now we won't even get girl time ! Why did you have to be my mother ?"

    Fear of heariing at the table one day "XXXX mom is a beautiful successfull manager and here I am, stuck with an old ugly hag ! What a disappointment !"

    None of this is appealing. I wish I had only one of them to worry about and boys everywhere else.

    Sure, you also have to worry with boys. Will they become delinquents despite your love ? Worse ?

    But I don't know, it's still a huge step to take. There are mental or living circumstances that are still obvious in a male criminal's past. Things you can point and say "this is why, sadly".

    But for a girl ? Nothing. A very good chunk of the violent ones don't have anything in their lives or childhoods that would point to a twisting of some sorts. It's like they just wake up one day, all grown-up, and decide "I will destroy other girls' lives. And men's too if possible. Family included.". No matter how loved they were. No matter how spoiled they were.

    This "not knowing why female become violent" is what makes it so frightening with daughters. And now I will live with thrice the fear.

    Add that with all the shaming I got as a mother already, talked about that in other threads... I think it's no surprise I feel very very down. By the way if I'm physically sick, is it extreme GD ? How can we deal with that if anyone has some tips ?
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

  2. #2
    IVF Advice Coach
    nuthinbutpink's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    The Internet
    Posts
    24,495
    Post Thanks / Like
    Blog Entries
    6
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Hi there. I'm sorry you didn't hear boy. I was once very down when I was in the moment. You discuss a lot of different things above but I'm just going to reply with when you know better you do better. We are not destined nor doomed to follow in footsteps. Your life is yours and you choose where you walk.

    I too have 3 daughters. Now that they are older, it is much, much different than when they were babies and toddlers. They will likely be bigger than you, smarter than you and I am finding more tolerant. I know plenty of families with all boys too. Life is different now than in the past. Girls are no longer limited in what they can be and do. Boys have more opportunities too. Right now, with young, young kids, you can't see what will be. Faith deteriorates as our circumstances deteriorates. Fear turns all of us into fortune-tellers. We try to cast our own fate and can start spinning in our heads. You have so much joy ahead if you look for it. I know it will not take away the desire for a son but I know from personal experience, there will be a lot of joy.

    I hope you find peace eventually.
    Mom to

    and my IVF/PGD

    It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did that" than to look back and say "I wish I did that".

    New to IVF/PGD for Family Balancing? Read this- Understanding IVF/PGD- a HT Guide for those New to the IVF/PGD Process

    Need a Natural Swaying Plan? Naturally sway for a boy or a girl- Personalized Swaying Plans

    Become a Dream Member to access the private forums

  3. Thanks atomic sagebrush thanked for this post
    Likes ChezIBY liked this post
  4. #3
    Big Dreamer
    Sora's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Paris, France
    Posts
    395
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink View Post
    Hi there. I'm sorry you didn't hear boy. I was once very down when I was in the moment. You discuss a lot of different things above but I'm just going to reply with when you know better you do better. We are not destined nor doomed to follow in footsteps. Your life is yours and you choose where you walk.

    I too have 3 daughters. Now that they are older, it is much, much different than when they were babies and toddlers. They will likely be bigger than you, smarter than you and I am finding more tolerant. I know plenty of families with all boys too. Life is different now than in the past. Girls are no longer limited in what they can be and do. Boys have more opportunities too. Right now, with young, young kids, you can't see what will be. Faith deteriorates as our circumstances deteriorates. Fear turns all of us into fortune-tellers. We try to cast our own fate and can start spinning in our heads. You have so much joy ahead if you look for it. I know it will not take away the desire for a son but I know from personal experience, there will be a lot of joy.

    I hope you find peace eventually.
    I was never afraid of them lacking opportunities. While I missed a lot of chances, I swore I wouldn't stop my daughters if I had one or two from enjoying things some might have before deemed un-girly. And same for sons.
    I get the not destined nor doomed to follow in footsteps and I fight very hard to break the curse that my family started, about how females are being so terrible to each-other in it when they should support each-other. But it's like you said, you choose where you walk.

    I may choose to walk the path of a good and adorable mother to my daughters but I have no control over what they will choose. And it's the way of life, it would be worrying if I had that power over someone else's life. I can try my hardest to teach them to be loving, understanding, compassionate. But what if one or all of them decide to walk a selfish path ? That they don't need a mother ? That I'm not good enough for them and they would prefer a perfect woman, beautiful like a model, successfull like a CEO, while still sociable and determined ? Who could stop them ? Who could change their minds ? I don't want to suffer at the hands of a female anymore.

    It's a bit the reverse of what you said in my perspective. For now they are innocent babies/toddlers, discovering life with big eyes. It's really the future I fear, when they will be bigger, smarter and the innocent curiosity will start to fade... Having just heard about, and never actually met daughters in a healthy relationship with their moms (or the reverse), I find it hard to believe they aren't a rarity while still willing to trust in their existence.
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

  5. #4
    Dreamer

    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    175
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Hi Sora,

    I couldn’t read your post and not reply. I just wanted to send you lots of hugs at a really difficult time. I totally feel your pain. I’m swaying girl, but felt GD when I found out I was pregnant with another boy after being convinced that Shettles would work - as it apparently had for a friend of mine. That feeling of doing all the same things again, when you really want to experience the opposite.

    I do feel that all of our desires come from our experiences in our lives. For me, although I’ve always wanted to experience being a mum to both genders, I feel it is heightened because I have no living female blood relatives. My mum, whom I was really close to, passed away prematurely. I was close to her mother too, but naturally she passed on. I have no sisters and no aunts, as my parents and I only had brothers. I don’t even have any nieces, only nephews. Trying to have a daughter is my only chance at having that female to female connection I miss.

    I have questioned myself on this. What is it I actually want? Sometimes we think that achieving a certain goal will magically make all our problems disappear. I think for a while, achieving our goals will make us feel better, but deep down, I know that if I don’t deal with the issues, then they will still be there.

    I used to feel aggrieved that I’d lost my mum prematurely, and that I wouldn’t get the chance to do things together that I hoped we would, but now I feel blessed. I see others who will never have the relationship with their mum that I had with mine. I feel blessed that I got to experience that relationship as I know others won’t.

    Don’t get me wrong, I still have a deep yearning to have a little girl, but I know that, should things not go my way, I’ll have a lot of joy to come. When I look back at videos of my boys when they were little, it always brings me joy and I’d be blessed to get to experience that again.

    I really hope you have people around you that you can talk to, so you can talk through the issues with your mum and husband. I always used to struggle with the comments and behaviour from my mother-in-law, but now I understand more about her upbringing, I understand why she behaves the way she does and I don’t take it personally.

    I hope you can find peace in your heart xxxx

  6. Likes ChezIBY liked this post
  7. #5
    Big Dreamer
    Sora's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Paris, France
    Posts
    395
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by LA_Girl View Post
    Hi Sora,

    I couldnít read your post and not reply. I just wanted to send you lots of hugs at a really difficult time. I totally feel your pain. Iím swaying girl, but felt GD when I found out I was pregnant with another boy after being convinced that Shettles would work - as it apparently had for a friend of mine. That feeling of doing all the same things again, when you really want to experience the opposite.

    I do feel that all of our desires come from our experiences in our lives. For me, although Iíve always wanted to experience being a mum to both genders, I feel it is heightened because I have no living female blood relatives. My mum, whom I was really close to, passed away prematurely. I was close to her mother too, but naturally she passed on. I have no sisters and no aunts, as my parents and I only had brothers. I donít even have any nieces, only nephews. Trying to have a daughter is my only chance at having that female to female connection I miss.

    I have questioned myself on this. What is it I actually want? Sometimes we think that achieving a certain goal will magically make all our problems disappear. I think for a while, achieving our goals will make us feel better, but deep down, I know that if I donít deal with the issues, then they will still be there.

    I used to feel aggrieved that Iíd lost my mum prematurely, and that I wouldnít get the chance to do things together that I hoped we would, but now I feel blessed. I see others who will never have the relationship with their mum that I had with mine. I feel blessed that I got to experience that relationship as I know others wonít.

    Donít get me wrong, I still have a deep yearning to have a little girl, but I know that, should things not go my way, Iíll have a lot of joy to come. When I look back at videos of my boys when they were little, it always brings me joy and Iíd be blessed to get to experience that again.

    I really hope you have people around you that you can talk to, so you can talk through the issues with your mum and husband. I always used to struggle with the comments and behaviour from my mother-in-law, but now I understand more about her upbringing, I understand why she behaves the way she does and I donít take it personally.

    I hope you can find peace in your heart xxxx
    Hi LA_Girl thanks for reaching out.

    I'm sorry you lost a good mom at an early age and had no other female relatives to step in, if only a little. I know what it is like to grow up without a mother or sisters. And for a while I thought like you, that I would want girls to find a female connection.

    The realization really was one that came slowly when TTC for our first baby. While I always thought I would be okay with both genders and a little more with girls, I discovered that I felt no happiness imagining myself with a daughter. Only fear and uneasiness at best, if not outright annoyance at worst. I couldn't understand what had changed. Then once pregnant and waiting for my second scan, I came to the crushing understanding that opposite to what I thought, what I had gone through was NOT what others had been going through with their female relatives or friends.

    For years, while knowing deep down that something was wrong (I mean who in their right mind would think physical assault and harrassement are okay ?), I had come to believe EVERYONE went through that. That the mothers who seemed loving were just favoring psychological abuse and maybe had less of a taste for abuse in general, meaning they attacked less often hence the "happy" children. That sisters or friends who were "good" just had so much other people to bully that they had no time left for their close female relatives/friends. That they liked to go after boys, strangers.
    And the rare females that were good to me ? I thought they were like me, that that was why there was no abuse since we already suffered through so much, and that we were trying to support each-other with warmth, being abnormal females not prone to violence.
    IDK what happened when pregnant. I realized never could I hurt nor even insult that child ? I felt a bond that seemed impossible to go against ? I started to doubt, so I talked to my few female friends, and to all my male friends of course. I wanted to know. I was right to believe they were daily abused behind closed doors, right ? That they just happened to be happier because they were so much stronger and smarter than me, able to rise above it all and build a life...
    Let's say they were horrified to learn about MY daily life. Adamant to defend their mothers saying nothing like that had ever happened to them. No abuse of any sort, no hidden violence.

    No it wasn't them being stronger or smarter. It was just them being loved and happy. They were horrified to learn I had been going through such things just at their side, horrified that I didn't ask years before, that there was someone they ignored needed rescuing... Some did realize a lot of things like why I acted how I did, talked how I did, why I seemed always unhappy and uneasy at the idea of going home after a long day.
    Some already had doubts of course, the ones that had tried hard to get me out of it. But even so, being young at the time, they had had trouble grasping how BAD and serious it was.

    I asked the midwives, the doctors, the ultrasound techs. Everyone reacted with the same horror.

    So sort of, the last wall I had to hold myself sane crumbled and I got a pretty bad PPD in the end. I got help and felt better sure. Went onto trying to have a healthy relationship for once with that DD1 I felt so disappointed having. I found some peace. But it really held onto the hope that I would have also a son, just to make sure, just to balance in case that female also turned out violent some day.

    Except for that, since then, no I never could talk to people about that again. You know people get insanely uneasy when you've not had a happy normal life. It's as if they fear that could happen to them if they even broached the subject with you. So they don't listen, they reject you, they may become violent if you talk too long and speak of it one time too many. My husband was one of them in the end, asking me to stop living in the damn past and envying people who had what I didn't. He said how tired and annoyed he was that I would constantly talk about bad people, abuse and stuff, how terrible it was for anyone to live with someone who seemed unable to find some good in life.

    And you know ? People think like you suggested : that having this or that will magically make all our problems disappear. They think it more than I do. When one DD turned into two, they started shutting me up too. Because they felt that having many daughters should have "cured" me of that suffering already. And I know that now with three, they will think that even more. Now I have daughters, I am supposed to forget about the past, to be "cured" of my allergy. I was told already that my GD of now is only madness. Why can't I be happy and feel blessed ? As if these babies will obviously turn out into good women. Because... because what... because I carried them.

    Well my mother carried me too. The girls who abused me were carried too. They are carrying now and I hear, still bullying other people, ruining their lives. They will probably turn on their own flesh...

    I'm not hoping for a son to cure my problems, it would be too heavy a burden to bear. I just want to feel safe for once. I just hope for him to be a good boy, no matter his tastes and personnality. Satistically, boys are closer to their moms so I have a higher hope to get some love back, however much he will want to give. But hopefully, I will have someone while from daughters, it may all vanish by the time they become teenagers. I want a love without a timer. Without conditions other than being a loving mother. I've experienced enough of what girls ask from a mother, myself included when I think about what I would have wished to have... Girls have astronomic expectations and not many of them come to term with how exagerated they are once adults. With a daughter, you have to be constantly perfect : beautiful, smart, successful. Some mothers might feel up to the challenge, I don't. I don't check any of these squares and we're just being started... I know I am unable to check any of these squares and they will ressent me for it.
    Boys only ask for you to be there, to support them through and through. They don't care if you're ugly, stupid or a failure. That's what is good with them. As long as you're protective and nurturing, they love you in return.

    Of course I might again be unlucky and fall on the rare boy who has higher expectations lol !

    My only expectations are a child that can love and that I can be proud of, bringing a child in the world that will help others like me (for me it's obviously too late so I'm not waiting for my son to save me... except from future abuse maybe ?). And from my personal experience, I have more chances to get that from a son than a daughter.

    Nothing will disappear, I just want to feel a little bit better, have someone in life I can look at without fear nor sadness. It will be good if I can look at my girls that way too but for now, I won't bet anything on it. That's my own high female expectation maybe lol but why would only daughters have them ? At least, I'm not asking them to be perfect, just kind and loving. Nothing close to what they will ask of me in the near future. I know I won't be able to bring them what they want so the question is : will they forgive me for it or hurt me ?

    I get that it may seem all very strange and even frightening to pink swayers. I noticed many of them talk about great relationships with mothers and sisters. I think that's where the difference lies. They were validated by their own gender, assured of their worth as females in the eyes of other females. So it's natural they feel confident having a daughter and I can only encourage them because, yes, if you got that validation, that means you are beautiful, smart and successful somewhere. So you have very high chance a daughter will love and admire you the same way. It's unfair you're still waiting for her because girls, you are and will be perfect girls'moms !
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

  8. #6
    Dreamer

    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Posts
    175
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    It sounds like you’ve had a really difficult time. You said that when you got help you felt better. Do you have access to more of that help?
    What you say about females expectations of you to be beautiful, smart etc otherwise they will not love you, simply isn’t true. I understand that this is your experience from your past, and what you must understand is that your daughters will be a product of how you bring them up. If you teach them that beauty is only skin deep, then that is what they’ll know to be true. You are different to your mum, and you know how to treat people, and your daughters will learn how to behave from you. Your future is more positive than you think....

  9. #7
    Big Dreamer
    Sora's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2018
    Location
    Paris, France
    Posts
    395
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by LA_Girl View Post
    It sounds like youíve had a really difficult time. You said that when you got help you felt better. Do you have access to more of that help?
    What you say about females expectations of you to be beautiful, smart etc otherwise they will not love you, simply isnít true. I understand that this is your experience from your past, and what you must understand is that your daughters will be a product of how you bring them up. If you teach them that beauty is only skin deep, then that is what theyíll know to be true. You are different to your mum, and you know how to treat people, and your daughters will learn how to behave from you. Your future is more positive than you think....
    No sadly. That help was coming with the maternity ward I was giving birth in for DD1 but I won't be in the same place here. Though tbh I don't know what more they can do, it only worked cause at the time there was still hope I would have a son naturally. I don't need to pay them to hear HT is illegal and monstruous or that I'm doomed to have a miserable life cause it's my fate.

    I hear a lot about how my girls will be what I raise them to be. Except they will be first and foremost their own person. And I won't be their only influence in life. Much like I didnít end up like my mother because, thankfully, I met other people in my life.
    The women that hurt me ? They were daughters too. And a few of their moms called me in tears and shame to beg for forgiveness. My grandmother is horrified at what my mother has done to me. She's a good, honest person loved by everyone in our small town with a tolerant soul.
    All of them, and many would vouch for it, aren't the kind of mothers that would teach their girls to hate on others.
    But their daughters chose this path in the end despite their teachings. On their own ? Encouraged by friends ? Threatened into it by other sadistic women ? For the love of a crazy spouse who lives that way ? I don't know and it doesn't matter. It shows that there is a limit to what a mother can do. And that limit seems so much lower on the scale with daughters... I do want to be optimistic and look forward to teaching them good. But there's no guarantee at all they won't bite the hand that fed them. And with three of them now, it is frightening to think that if they all turn bad, I will be greatly outnumbered under my own roof.
    2014 ------- surprise 2016

    Dreaming of a

Similar Threads

  1. Sadly couch potato
    By blueeyedguys in forum Trying to Conceive a Girl
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: July 8th, 2015, 05:22 PM
  2. Joining Later Mums!
    By thax1 in forum Later Moms
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: September 10th, 2013, 12:24 AM
  3. Replies: 13
    Last Post: December 8th, 2012, 06:30 PM
  4. Happy to be joining you!
    By jennaesue in forum Due in June, July, August 2013
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: November 4th, 2012, 06:38 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •