Results 1 to 4 of 4
  1. #1
    Dream Newbie

    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Location
    Germany, near Leipzig
    Posts
    21
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0

    Surprise at birth, gender disappointment postpartum

    Hey guys,
    i really have to talk about what happened to us 4 weeks ago.

    My due date was february 24th , but it happened March 3rd... the delivery of my 4th child. It was the most horrible experience i ever could think of, at the moment of delivery all hopes, wishes, dreams vanished. On the one hand there was the hope of a natural birth without any interventions like ocytocin intravenously. But it happened that i was laying there with no more energy at all and with nearly no contradictions and my baby was born with the help of vacuum and Kristeller maneuver. It was horrible. But at this moment i thaught it would be OK, when my long wished daughter is there safe and healthy.

    The baby was born healthy, i absolutly thank god for it, but once the midwife gave it to me, she said, "oh that doesn t look girly ". At the end it turns out that my daughter never was my daughter, my gynecologist was wrong at the 2 Scans after 20.th week. I was totally discouraged after seeing him. I wasn t able to show any emotion after all in hospital. I had no name for him...i was so sure he is a girl (or i wanted to be so sure who knows)

    It s a hard time for me , even he already is 4 weeks old. I am totally disappointed, i cried in the nights or when i had to take out the baby girl clothes i bought the 2 weeks before due date.

    Its not my 2nd son who is the problem for me, its my not existing daughter, i thought of, the whole pregnancy. We talked to her, with her name..and now i have a baby but i have to think about her all the time. I am soo soo sad.
    But i cant talk to anyone , i feel so guilty, my son is healthy and that s such a gift, i shouldn t be soo sad. I tried to buy him some clothes , because otherwise he had to wear girl clothes.

    Don t know when i get out of this abyss.

  2. #2
    Swaying Advice Coach
    atomic sagebrush's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Eastern Washington State, USA
    Posts
    107,657
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Oh NO I am so very sorry to hear this - while I am of course happy your son arrived safe and sound, I am so terribly sorry you are having to go through this. Even though the baby you thought was coming never really existed, it is absolutely like a mourning process letting go of that dream baby that you held in your heart.

    How can we help?

    Just for those who are wondering how such a thing could be possible, and are now worrying about your own ultrasound results - they have a very narrow window of opportunity to tell people the gender accurately and after the 20th week it starts to get less and less obvious. Additionally we have found gynecologists are terrible gender guessers, the ultrasound technicians are much better. The vast majority of our ultrasound opposites were done by doctors, not the technicians.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    If you appreciate my help with your sway plan, please consider a donation:

    https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=C92U9TVWTRTDQ

  3. Thanks LindaLaetitia thanked for this post
  4. #3
    Dream Newbie

    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Location
    Germany, near Leipzig
    Posts
    21
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    Thank you, atomic. Thank you for your words of understanding.

    Yes, here in germany we have no extra technicians for a gender scan or such a thing. But i regret not to have done a blood test like preanatest. At my other 3 children the gyn was always right even at 16th week, so i thought that it was right, after 20th week its more than obvious i thought. But omg it not. At the middle of the pregnancy it was no problem for me that the baby was (is) a boy, but then confirmed girl, so i totally had the idea of her already when i went into hospital for giving birth.

    I don t know, but at the moment i feel like this couldn t be my last child, my last birth - not THIS way. Our family took the presents for "her" back, all the girl stuff. But i don t know , at the moment i can t sell "her" stuff like clothes and little things... it hurts too much to let it all go. But as you said "she" never existed, it was only mistake.
    But i know that my husband don t want anymore children. Our house has 4 rooms for the kids, that it. So i feel devastet, that this was my last and i can t feel the joy about my healthy son. I can t feel it. Maybe in a few weeks? Maybe next year?

  5. #4
    Dream Newbie

    Join Date
    Oct 2020
    Location
    Germany, near Leipzig
    Posts
    21
    Post Thanks / Like
    Downloads
    0
    Uploads
    0
    To all who ever read my post in case or fear of GD. Maybe it helps to overcome the grief when we know that the sway opposite babies never look like a disappointment at all. They are all cute regardless from gender.
    20220305_152105.jpg20220402_182410.jpg
    Last edited by LindaLaetitia; April 3rd, 2022 at 08:04 AM.

  6. Likes Slingers liked this post

Similar Threads

  1. Gender disappointment - Second Boy :(
    By pinkpink24 in forum Gender Disappointment
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: October 25th, 2021, 04:06 PM
  2. Gender shock after a decade of gender disappointment!
    By tales in forum GenderDreaming Babies- Post your story!
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: August 28th, 2017, 01:27 PM
  3. If it fails, is the disappointment WORSE than gender disappointment?
    By lemonade in forum High Tech Family Balancing non-Member Forum
    Replies: 63
    Last Post: April 2nd, 2015, 08:14 PM
  4. Gender Surprise
    By talitha in forum Ultrasound Gender Prediction
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: March 5th, 2013, 06:13 PM
  5. very very bad gender disappointment
    By tanyagirl in forum Gender Disappointment
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: February 8th, 2013, 05:27 PM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •