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  1. #1
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    three essays on swaying

    These are all sort of along the same lines. Sometimes when I talk to people about swaying I'm not sure they really "get" my take on swaying so I hope this helps to some extent. Updated/reviewed 12-24-17

    The Devil is in the Details

    It’s all too easy to get bogged down in the details of swaying; we get the idea in our heads that hormones and blood glucose levels sway (which, of course, I believe that they do) and there is just SO MUCH info out there on the Web that it’s tempting to start obsessing over it to some extent. Google is there at our fingertips and it’s almost irresistible to start looking up thing after thing after thing to see how X,Y,Z affects hormones and blood sugar. People (understandably) want to be able to look up any particular detail of swaying and see it fall perfectly into a very tightly regimented structure and always support the fundamental basics of swaying, and it just DOESN’T. It can be really discouraging and frustrating for people when things written by different sources seem contradictory.

    The crazy thing is, none of it even really matters. We can’t know the answers and probably never will because no one is studying these things http://genderdreaming.com/forum/sway...s-swayers.html

    Even the most studied things like heart disease, obesity, and cancer prevention have tons of contradictory studies. Studies are NOT the undeniable evidence that we want them to be. The human body is just too darn complicated to able to tease out things in isolation and see how they affect health. The body is a highly complex system with hundreds of smaller systems working together in ways we can’t even guess at, and we live in environments where literally thousands if not millions of elements that may influence the way our body works are bombarding us constantly. Trying to search out how one food sways (even biggies like caffeine or alcohol) by looking at how it/they affect the levels of a single hormone in your body, is the equivalent of watching a butterfly flap its wings and trying to predict a hurricane halfway around the world.

    But don’t despair, we already have something better than specifics – we know the real underlying reason why swaying works, the Trivers-Willard Hypothesis. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gend...ypothesis.html

    We really don’t NEED to know how this herb or that affects hormones, or if a certain food or drink temporarily raises blood sugar levels or makes them drop. We don’t need to know if every morsel that touches your lips has ever been investigated for its effects on hormone levels and blood sugar. You CAN eat or drink things that have been shown to affect blood sugar or hormones negatively in studies and not ruin your sway or even affect it one bit, because it’s the overall pattern of your diet and lifestyle that count and not any single food. All those couples out there who conceived boys or conceived girls effortlessly without even trying, were NOT monitoring every morsel of food that went into their mouths.

    Additionally, we don’t need to take every herb that has ever been said to lower/raise hormones and blood sugar. We don’t even need to avoid every herb or food that has ever been said to lower/raise hormones or blood sugar. It doesn’t MATTER if there was ever a study done that found that ostrich toenails were once shown to lower blood sugar levels by 1.5% in Panamanian Hairless Rats – you don’t NEED to take ostrich toenail supplements for a pink sway. Nor do you need to snort powdered rhino testicles for blue. It’s irrelevant if they might raise testosterone. We have a dozen other ways to do those things without resorting to inhaling the powdered genitalia of endangered species.

    There is NEVER going to be a magic bullet or herb or food that will guarantee you a child of a particular gender. Never ever ever. I believe in swaying with every fiber of my being but it’s not going to happen. If you need that guarantee to such an extent that you are worried over everything, go high tech. This is swaying, not guaranteeing. It is the BIG PICTURE that matters – the WHOLE sway, not one little thing. If one little thing (even something that feels like a big thing such as calcium, sodium, coffee, or alcohol) was so powerful a sway tactic that imbibing it could produce overwhelmingly one gender of offspring, those clever old wives would have figured it out a long time ago. As an example, 80% of all American adults use caffeine, on average 200 mg a day. If caffeine really affected estrogen levels or mineral levels to sway so strongly blue that you need to avoid it like the plague for a pink sway, or if coffee affected blood sugar levels so strongly that an occasional cup of coffee could sway strongly pink, our gender ratio would be seriously skewed. But it’s not. Keeps right on chugging along at about 50-50.

    It just really isn’t at all important to do so much fretting and stressing about all these things and to spend precious hours of your children’s childhoods on an exhaustive hunt to determine how every food that you ever want to eat sways (let me squander MY children’s childhoods for you LOL). It doesn’t help your sway and in fact it may hurt it, because pink swayers may get a big boost in testosterone levels from being at a constant state of hypervigilance from spending hours online investigating everything, and blue swayers can end up feeling overwhelmed and doomed because there is an impossible amount to control, and those cues from the environment probably sway harder than the benefits/detriments of pretty much anything you’re eating, taking, or doing otherwise. It’s very, very unlikely that we’re going to come across some heretofore undiscovered herb or food, eating or frequency pattern or combination thereof, that is going to either make or break an otherwise good sway.

    EVERYONE walking around on the face of the planet since time began was eating or drinking or doing at least SOME things that seemed to sway in the opposite direction. There IS NO magic bullet, there is no recipe where you have to have all the ingredients just so or your pink or blue cake falls. People got and get, baby girls and baby boys, eating a virtually infinite combination of foods, BD when they felt like it, and without benefit of the vast pharmacopeia of GNC or Holland and Barrett. Your body and your husband’s body are designed to bring both little pink people and little blue people into the world without any outside assistance. Don’t overcomplicate it!!

    So let go of the details. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Think big picture. Pink swayers, you’re going for declining maternal condition and moving in a direction of less nutrients coming in (not NO nutrients) and doing things that will lower overall sperm numbers. Blue swayers, you’re going for improving maternal condition and more nutrients coming in (but you don’t need to stuff yourself or gain any more than 10-15 lbs max and most will gain only 3-5) and higher sperm numbers. Aim for the big goals and the details will take care of themselves, your body will do what it’s supposed to do, and at the end of it all it’s in the hands of God or Lady Luck. (it always was.)
    Last edited by atomic sagebrush; December 24th, 2017 at 11:52 AM.
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  3. #2
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    THE MAGIC BULLET AND THE LIGHT SWITCH, THE RADIO DIAL AND THE SIEVE

    (if you don’t know what a sieve is, there are pictures here https://www.google.com/search?q=siev...w=1280&bih=875)

    The traditional approach to swaying has been that of the magic bullet and the light switch. We are told that our bodies have well-defined, easily changed settings and you can, in effect, flip a switch where you go from conceiving all one gender to being guaranteed a gender of the other. As easy as turning off and on a light switch – flip, flip, off/on, boy/girl, guarantee/failure - no in-between. Whether it’s from minerals, hormones, pH, ions, month of conception, or some combination of them all, your body/your egg is just irrevocably SET to make boys or girls and if you can’t change that setting, you’re DOOMED to continue having ONLY that gender.

    The only way to change that setting, we’re told, is by flipping your inner light switch from “girl” to “boy” or vice versa. And the way that you flip that switch is by shooting magic bullets at it. Altering your mineral levels, your hormone levels, TTC in a certain month, making sure your pH falls into a certain range…if you take enough shots with the magic bullets at your switch, you’ll flip it from boy to girl and be guaranteed a child of a particular gender. On the other hand, if your sway fails it’s because your aim was bad (you did the sway “factors” wrong or didn’t do them hard enough) or you didn’t take enough shots (didn’t do all the “factors”) or took aim at the wrong target (you didn’t use some revolutionary method of gender swaying that certain parties would only be too happy to sell you for hundreds of dollars). Or even because something is fundamentally wrong with your gun or your switch and it’s just hopeless for you to ever even try to conceive a baby of your desired gender.

    Pretty depressing really. A lot of self-doubt, blame, guilt, feelings of failure, and hopelessness involved with that paradigm. Like walking a tightrope over a pool of ravenous sharks, one slip and all is lost. It’s no wonder that swaying messes with our minds when we think about it in such a desperate, black and white way.

    But what if it doesn’t work that way?

    What if swaying is more like a sieve – meaning, you can thin out the ranks and help out your team a bit thru swaying but some opposites are ALWAYS going to sneak thru the holes? And the overall goal of swaying is to tighten or loosen the holes in your sieve to let pass, or basically, to weed out as many swimmers of a particular gender as you can?

    When you shoot a magic bullet at a light switch you can change it from on to off, pink to blue, but when you shoot even the most magical of bullets at a sieve, the best you can do is make another hole in your sieve. It may be a little bit bigger than the other holes but it’s only just another hole.

    “Well, that’s all good right?” some might say. “I’ll just shoot a lot of holes at my sieve and even if it’s not a guarantee I still have a really good chance at my DG. The stricter a sway I do, the better! Even if they don’t work, at least I tried it.”

    And that would work if we were talking about a real sieve, but of course we aren’t. We’re talking about a living system that can change itself and heal itself; a sieve that can grow its own holes or repel bullets as effectively as Superman’s chest, or stop working all together if it doesn’t “like” being shot at. In short, the bullets aren’t magic, but the sieve itself kinda is.

    The human body is a weird and wonderful thing and it has ways of compensating for the things we put it through. Example, when we take high doses of vitamins and minerals, we just pee more of them away. When we avoid them, our body robs them from our bones and teeth and stored body reserves and the levels in our body never change at all. When we squirt acidic jellies/douches or baking soda up our wazoo, we make more alkaline CM to compensate to wash it away. Taking herbs to increase testosterone can cause your body to stop making estrogen and progesterone and vice versa. Fire away, magic bullets…at the end of it all the sieve does only what it wants to do.

    Even worse, as many pink swayers have learned to their dismay, there’s such a thing as too many bullets. If the sieve that is your body senses that it’s under assault (and this can happen not only from things we are doing to sway, but bullets which are already flying from every angle already – age, stress, a cold virus, chemicals in the environment, your boss running you ragged at work, sleepless nights spent with a teething baby) it will just close up and not let ANYTHING through, meaning you can sway so hard that you render yourself incapable of pregnancy. It’s like a scene from a heist movie where our heroes go to great lengths to sneak into a building and past the security system only to have a giant unbreakable metal door come crashing down to seal everything shut.

    “Hold on wait what? I think I liked the light switch paradigm better! If nothing I do really matters anyway and it all comes down to luck and things my body is doing all on its own in the end, at least with the light switch I can feel like I have some control, even if I don’t.”

    Obviously I do think there are many things you can do to sway gender or else I’d take up crochet. Thinking of gender swaying as a sieve instead of a light switch is actually going to HELP you get your DG, because pink swayers, trying to control every miniscule thing in your environment (i.e. shooting round after round of magic bullets wildly and hoping to hit the right target) is going to send your T levels (or whatever it is that is swaying via personality, since we are no longer sure it's testosterone) skyrocketing. And blue swayers, feeling that you have to get everything perfect every second of every day but falling short, can be so overwhelming that it can lower your T levels (or whatever it is that is swaying via personality, since we are no longer sure it's testosterone) and make you feel like giving up.

    If you do get an opposite, you don’t have to feel consumed with guilt over not including the Chinese Gender Predictor in your sway plan or the time you snarfed two bites of your toddler’s cheeseburger or sipped their vanilla milkshake when they were off playing in the McDonald’s Playland. If your sway doesn’t work out, it IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

    Plus, it’s a lot more laid back and forgiving an approach to swaying. Instead of firing magic bullets at a tiny and difficult to hit light switch, instead we’re going to use our inner radio dial that we ALL have to adjust our sieve in a more girl friendly or boy friendly direction. Imagine a radio dial, think of how it works. It’s not a sudden change like flipping a switch is, it’s a very very gradual thing. It takes time and lots of gentle turning to get all the way across the dial, and there’s LOTS of ground to cover in between. If you stop turning the dial in the middle, or even turn it back a little bit, you don’t undo everything. And if you turn too far and miss your mark, you just go back a little bit in the other direction.

    If it’s your anniversary and you eat a steak, you don’t have to start over again with 6 weeks of diet . Looking around at the rest of the world getting boys and girls without even trying, does it really even make SENSE that you should have to do that?? NONE of them are!! How many people do we all know who were working right from the TTC a Boy playbook and have all girls, KWIM??

    And if you aren’t getting pg with a strict sway, no worries, drop a sway tactic or two (not everything) and you’ll turn that dial back in the opposite direction without fear that you’re going to flip from conceiving only one gender, immediately into conceiving only the other gender. I’ve seen SO MANY people throw up their hands after several BFN’s and say, “well that’s it, I can’t get pregnant swaying” and then drop everything and get an opposite…all because they think swaying is a light switch and if they don’t do everything, they may as well do nothing. It’s FINE to drop one or two sway tactics and continue with a sway. You’re turning a dial, not flipping a switch.

    It also helps weed out sway tactics that probably work vs. those that probably don’t. If you see something online that sounds like a light-switch solution and promises a 95% success rate (and costs $500) you can pretty safely assume that it doesn’t work, someone is being dishonest or is mistaken somewhere along the line, and you should hang onto that money for baby clothes or college funds. There ain’t gonna be a 95% success rate EVER (without medical intervention). If there were, there would be some tribe out there somewhere dining on tarantulas and fern fiddles with a seriously skewed gender ratio. Yet people everywhere have about 50-50 boys and girls on diets and with lifestyles of almost endless variety.

    Unlike the magic bullet paradigm, there are no right and wrong, must-do must-don’t methods. You don’t load your gun with pH, minerals, ions, hormones, timing, biorhythms, praying every moment that your powder stays dry and your aim is true. If you fall a little short one day, no worries, there’s always tomorrow. Your radio dial is NOT going to shoot from pink to blue or vice versa, in one meal, day, or even week. If you don’t feel comfortable with a sway tactic like douching, if your husband won’t sway and you can’t do abstain, that’s completely totally 100% OK. You can use other methods to turn down your dial. If all you want to or are able to do is a slight change in diet and a blob of Acijel or Preseed, that is STILL a sway and has just as much a chance of succeeding (and possibly more)as the swayer who is miserable, on the edge of divorce, hunting down every possible magic bullet and feeling that if they leave out a single thing no matter how silly, biologically implausible, or disruptive to their life, that their sway will fail.

    Perhaps best of all, by keeping true to the reality that there are no magic bullets and there is no light switch, it enables us to get pregnant more quickly. Rather than “do everything possible no matter how long it takes” just “do what I can do and get pregnant because if I don’t get pregnant I have NO chance at my desired gender.”

    Some may claim they will go until menopause without their DG if it means they can have the “perfect” sway, but the fact is that even the best sways produce opposites and going many months, even years without a BFP in a hunt for “perfection”, is NOT a rational approach. People have swayed for 2 years and conceived opposites. People have swayed so long they became infertile due to age and ended up with no baby. If you need a guarantee, go HT. It's swaying, not guaranteeing, and strict sways are no guarantee anyway.

    Life is short and the window in which we can conceive is very, very small…gone in the blink of an eye. When I was swaying with DS 4 I was with a group of ladies who were trying to do very strict sways and many of them were not getting pregnant doing so. I know some thought I was a fool for doing a more relaxed sway and I’m sure there was some snickering when I conceived an opposite. But by doing that, I had TIME to try again and got my DD in the end. If I had thrown away even a few months questing for “perfection” I very well still may have conceived an opposite (and there are plenty of “perfect” sways both IG and GD style to prove this) and I would not have DD today. Even if you’re SURE this is your last child, well…you just never know what the future holds – I thought I had had my last child 17 years ago and now I have three more besides. Don’t waste time chasing an imaginary guarantee, because you never know when it’s your last fresh egg in the carton.

    At the end of it all, swaying cannot offer guarantees. Swaying is what it is – like the trees swaying in the wind, it’s gently pushing in a certain direction. Even the best sways can fail – some Y’s can make it through a pink sieve and vice versa – and if you cannot even entertain the idea of an opposite, then swaying is not for you and you should go HT. If you can accept that possibility, then swaying can be a great way to help turn that radio dial and increase your odds. But don’t go looking for magic bullets or light switches – it just doesn’t work that way.

    For another way to think of swaying beyond the magic bullet/light switch paradigm, please read this http://genderdreaming.com/forum/gend...ying-odds.html
    Last edited by atomic sagebrush; December 24th, 2017 at 12:01 PM.
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  5. #3
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    FACTORS VS. TACTICS

    Why do we at Gender Dreaming call swaying techniques “tactics” instead of “factors”?

    It is because the word “factor” implies something that is a necessary part of a whole. Mathematically, when we factor something, we are reducing it to its smallest indivisible part. The parts HAVE to be there – if you leave out one factor it changes everything. A factor is an essential, integral part of something. To use the word “factor” when talking about swaying implies that there are a certain number of things that you HAVE to include in a sway, things that affect gender equally, things that can make or break a sway if they are not included. pH, ions, minerals, hormones, supplements, timing and diet are the oft-touted sway factors and if you leave any of them out, according to them, it means you will have less of a sway. Just like trying to get to 36 without using the number 2 – it’s not possible. You need the factor 2 to get to 36 and according to many swaying sites you need timing to get to a baby of a particular gender.

    On the other hand, a tactic is a strategy to accomplish a goal (or a part of an overall strategy), a means to an end, not an essential part of something. You can have one tactic/strategy for accomplishing a goal or many strategies. If you use one tactic, you can use others if you’d like, but you don’t have to. One tactic very well may be good enough. You can try a tactic on for size and decide it doesn’t work for you, drop it or switch to a different tactic. You can eliminate tactics that are disruptive to your life and focus on tactics that are a better fit.

    If you have to get to work, there are various tactics one might use to get there – you can walk, bike, drive, take the bus, call a coworker for a ride, hitchhike, even work from home instead. Your getting to work is not diminished by whether you walk or ride the bus – it might take you a little longer but then again you’re spared the stress of driving! All you have to do is get to work – it doesn’t matter HOW you get there, how long it takes, or whether you enjoyed the ride or not.

    With swaying, it works the same way. The goal is getting a baby of a particular gender and how you get there can vary dramatically (as we all know by looking around at the rest of the world most of whom have both boys and girls without any thought or effort whatsoever). I personally believe there are many ways to sway, but they are NOT "factors". They are TACTICS. Meaning, you don’t have to do all of them. You don’t even need to do ANY of them (doing nothing and just TTC, IS a tactic and may be effective for some people who find the idea of swaying to be highly stressful). Each tactic is not adding 3% of a sway or whatever they used to claim on InGender and only if you do them all will it add up to a good sway. Some tactics are supereffective and others probably don’t get ya a whole lot or anything at all really.

    If you’ve already done what you can do, swayed the amount it is possible for any of us TO sway (because remember, swaying can never be 100% or even close or the whole human race would have died out a long time ago) with an effective tactic, then trying to include an ineffective tactic is at best silly and at worst can ruin a sway by either undoing some of the good you did with your effective tactic or else by taking your energy and attention away from doing effective tactics, well, effectively.

    As an example, IF diet really can be 80% effective (which some of the French Gender Diet data indicates - although that is probably overly optimistic and I prefer you guys use 70% as your baseline) and 80% is about as good a sway as you can get, then why would you waste time and energy doing timing just in case?? Timing is hugely disruptive, time consuming, reduces odds of conception, and may even sway in the opposite direction by making pink swayers get obsessed and detail-oriented and blue swayers feel overwhelmed and reducing sperm numbers for them. If you already GOT the 80% from diet, even if timing can possibly sway by (let’s be generous here) 25% (it doesn’t) you are NOT adding anything whatsoever to your sway. Going from 50-50 to 75% via timing is irrelevant if you already got to 80% with diet!!!

    The diet tactic already did the heavy lifting…all timing can do is add stress that may even undo some of the good the diet tactic did, by screwing up your testosterone levels (or whatever personality factors are swaying, since we are no longer sure it is testosterone) and making it super hard to get pg, which over time leads to people cheating on diet and dropping tactics that are way way way more effective than timing.

    If these “factors” were really factors, then by all rights InGender and similar sites should be getting better than 80%. They’re doing a strict French-style diet plus hormones, ions, timing, pH, etc etc etc...if all these things really add to the sway, should they not be doing BETTER than the stats on diet alone? Like, WAY better? But they’re not. I don’t mean to say these things don’t sway (some do, some don’t) but they can’t be swaying more than it is possible to sway, if you get my drift. These things CANNOT be “factors”, they’re TACTICS.

    There’s only a certain amount of ground we can cover with swaying. We can only sway so much, swaying will never be 100% or anywhere close (our results after 7 years seem to indicate success rates between 65-75% max) and so given that reality, instead of including “factors” that are allegedly prerequisites for success, you should pick tactics that accomplish your overall goal of getting a baby of your desired gender – and focus on the ones that work for YOU and your husband. You don’t NEED to do them all, if you’ve already got the ground covered one way you’re not going to cover it any better by doing more than needs to be done. 80% is 80% regardless of how you got there.

    In other words, you can only get to work one way – it’s ludicrous to say, well, I’m going to walk to work today but I’m also going to call a cab and have it follow me along just in case my legs suddenly give out on me. It’s a waste of your money and effort, and I suspect it would even make you more likely to give up on the walking if it was a little chilly or your feet got tired. The cab may even get in your way if you needed to cross the street. You don’t need BOTH the walking and the cab strategy. You have to pick the tactic that will get you where you need to go while meeting your personal needs the best.

    Putting a little dress or a football under the bed, no worries. That’s no effort at all and there are no downsides to it. But including timing, ions, biorhythms, astrology, Chinese Gender Predictor, and even some of the stuff that may even have a grain of truth like pH, is this huge expense in time and effort, they keep people from TTC in months they need to be TTC and can prevent pregnancy, they keep swaying always first and foremost in your mind which can affect T levels and mess with your mind to such an extent that people without strong gender preferences end up getting GD!

    I personally have witnessed many people who did not do diet or gave up on it when things got tough in order to rely more on timing or ions to carry the day. And women who were in their late 30’s and limiting themselves to trying in !!!! 2 !!!! months out of an entire year because of astrology. That’s kinda like deciding walking to work is too hard and taking a month off to construct an imaginary teleporter out of a cardboard box to get you there.

    Even things that probably do sway a bit like frequency can be super disruptive, feed swaycession, and create a big sticking point between husband and wife (not to mention reduce odds of conception). If you’re already doing diet and taking supps, PLEASE don’t get so hung up on frequency that you are consumed by it. In the big picture of an overall good sway, frequency is probably not getting you anything that isn’t already covered. Maybe if a person was doing nothing else to sway, frequency may sway a little bit. But 80% is 80%. Adding frequency to an otherwise good sway is like calling the cab to follow you while you walk – you were gonna get to work anyway and all you have added is a distraction - one that may piss your husband off so bad that he pulls the plug on the entire babymaking adventure (this HAS happened to people).

    So when swaying, think TACTICS, not “factors”. If something isn’t working for you in your life, then drop it. Use other tactics to accomplish the same goal. Assuming you TTC every month starting at 18 and ending at 40, that’s only 264 months in which you can even possibly get pregnant - and obviously for most of us it’s a heck of a lot less than that since we may not even have begun TTC till we were older, since we lose months due to pregnancy, breastfeeding, since our fertility may decline sooner than age 40, and so on.

    That is SUCH a short time and it goes in the blink of an eye…don’t waste those precious months it on “factors” that don’t even work when you’re already using tactics that do.
    Last edited by atomic sagebrush; June 5th, 2018 at 02:32 PM.
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    x3!
    (and maybe get crocheting anyway to make your little girlie some cute hats!)

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    This is fantastic, thank you so much Atomic!!

    Sent from my LG-E400 using Tapatalk 2
    2007 2009 2013 (My VBA2C & sway opposite baby)

    So proud to announce that after many long years of GD our precious DAUGHTER joined us in June 2016!!


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    You really are AWESOME atomic...an excellent read. I should recruit you to spice up some legal briefs!
    Sept 2008 & successful boy sway June 2010.
    M/C Oct 2012

    Is DE in my future?

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    Big Dreamer

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    omg. these essays are brilliant. and so helpful for me!
    our perfect family:

    (8) (5) (almost one)
    6



    thank you to atomic for helping make my dreams come true

  10. #8
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    This is all going in the book, right???


    My Gender Dreaming

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    This is EXACTLY what I needed to read/hear right now. I'm so glad I found these essays today! I have dropped a couple tactics recently but reading this makes me feel at peace with everything regarding my "lighter sway." These are such great points. It is so easy to get caught up in everything while swaying and lose sight of the fact that is only a sway and that there are no guarantees regardless of how many tactics you include, how detailed the sway is, etc.
    I have two amazing boys, ages 6 and 8. I finally got my BFP on the first month of Clomid after TTC well over a year with my girl sway. Baby Boy #3 is due July 13, 2014!


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    Oct 2012
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    Love your essay's Atomic and the way your brain works!Your a very smart woman I wish you lived next door to me!!! I would be bugging you every second!! By the way where do you buy ostrich toenail supplements?? (jokes)
    Hoping for a pink rainbow!


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