Why do you want a boy or a girl?

[hanseer]

As I've started TTC, I'm finding myself thinking more and more about a baby girl and how I'd feel if I got an opposite. I really don't want to be plagued with GD and have been trying to rationalize why it is that I want a girl.

I think it comes down to our expectations or fantasies of what that gender (girl, in my case) will bring.

I feel that with a daughter, we (DH and I) will have someone who will remain close to us as I'm super close to my parents. Everyone tells me that boys grow up and become closer to their wife and won't visit or care for their own families. I've seen adult men do that! I'm so scared my DS won't visit us or be close to us when he grows up. It makes me sad even thinking about it. This is actually my biggest fear. That my son will grow up and grow apart from us.

I also want to play dress up and have girly conversations with a DD. Which is quite ironic as I had a very contentious relationship with my mom growing up, it wasn't until my mid-20's that we understood each other better.

I know, I know. There are no guarantees that a girl will be close to us or DS will not be close. Or that DD will want to wear girly clothes. That's what I keep telling myself in case we don't have our DD. Actually, I should probably convince myself of this even if I do have DD.

How about you? Why do you want to have a girl or a boy?

[odd]

For me it was as simple as having a desire to raise one of each gender. I already had a boy so naturally, swayed for a girl

[Nahri]

Raising one of each and that they will be a playmate for one another when I cant be that active with each of them. Im definitely not a girly girl so I don't want a girl for the shopping and dress up etc etc

[covered in blue]

For me it's incredibly complex and I'm not sure I understand it myself most of the time. Stems from childhood abuse issues, and lack of any positive male relationships. My father was around but he is a very practical person. He was never there emotionally. I went to all girls schools. I didn't have anything but female relationships. I even thought I was a lesbian for a while. I want my own little girl so I can create some positive childhood memories with her and the relationship when she is an adult. That said I always wanted a son as well. Probably not for myself as much but definitely for DH so I'd be here swaying for a boy most probably if I had all girls.

[bunnywabbit]

My case is more family balancing. There have been no baby girls born on DH's side of the family (immediate) for over 60 years!

[jmomof3girls]

I would really like to experience raising both genders

[dakota5176]

It's what you said in the first post. I really want to dress up a baby girl and play dolls. But more importantly Im afraid I won't be able to connect with a boy long term. I'm afraid we won't have anything to bond over when he becomes a young adult and we won't have a relationship when he becomes an adult

[Adia]

For me it is as simple as others have said, their are two possible experiences when it comes to raising children, boys & girls, most of us just want the chance to see both sides.

[Mamato3?]

I would like to have a son so that I can experience the special bond between a mom and her son.
Almost every friend of mine that has a son share a very special relationship with their sons and they adore their moms.
My DDs of course love me very much, but are nuts about their father, so I would like to have the chance to experience what my friends talk about when they describe their relationship with their sons.
I would also like for my DH to have the chance to raise a son cause I admire the man he is and I think his string must continue.

[maidentomother]

My reasoning is complicated. I don't have children yet but having children has always been my biggest life dream. When I was really young I fantasized about having 12 kids (equally split between boys and girls, all were named!) living on a self-sufficient farm in Vermont. I grew up in the US but my parents ars German and Australian and bc they were both the youngest children in their families, and my grandmothers had them in their 40s, I grew up without any extended family on my continent. So I longed for a big family and many cousins, huge thanksgiving meals, etc.

Now I have a farm, in Germany, but my husband (who kept putting off having kids even though I told him I wanted them young) is dead. It's been over 7 years now but I actually feel worse now than I did then, as I realize how well matched we were and how great a thing I lost. And I'm no longer in my 20s, so I feel my youth is gone, too. My dreams are dying and I only hope for 4 children now at most. And since I know so well that life doesn't always turn out how you want, I realize that I can't be sure I will have both girls and boys. And now I desperately want a girl first. The eldest child tends to be most like the dominant parent (I am an oldest child, my only brother is 7 years younger), and I want a daughter like me. I would like another one not like me, too.

Because I have a bad back (severely so), it is possible I will not be able to bear as many children as I'd like. I think having an only child is cruel, and I would prefer 2 daughters if I can only have 2 children, as I never had a sister. I'm not anti-male, but I've always been very pro-female. I also had a very difficult relationship with my mother once I hit puberty, and it became so bad (mostly bc she became psychotic - our whole family avoids her now, too) that we haven't spoken in over 3 years and I have no plans to ever see her again. I would very much like to have a good relationship with daughters of my own, so I can at least enjoy that bond from one side.

So my reasons are definitely selfish, based on fantasy (or on grasping remnants of my former dreams), and also inexplicable. I don't know why I feel SO strongly, especially since I know I will love sons too, but I very much prefer daughters, at least now. I know that may change aftef my first.