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  1. #261
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    atomic sagebrush's Avatar
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    ok, so I just wrote a good answer to a thread where someone was making a "vision board" about their girl and another person was running the treadmill while thinking about all the girl clothes they had bought already. It seems to fit in here:

    atomic tough love alert:

    Ladies PLEASE do not do vision boards or "visualizations" or going on the treadmill while you think about girl clothes etc Anything where you get uberfocused on "asking the universe for a daughter" and/or sit there thinking about how great it will be once you get her, planning for the glorious future, etc. It a)does not work and b) actually can undermine your sway because not only does it keep swaying in the forefront of your mind all the time, but it makes you feel like you can "earn" a daughter if you want it bad enough and that you're doing a successful project where you're making firm steps to achieve your goal (that are not steps at all but are basically just you doing something fun and enjoyable).

    This is the exact type of "control freak" thing I want you to avoid completely when swaying. Try to put your sway out of your head as much as you possibly can and avoid any project (like a vision board or guided meditation) where you're doing something that you think will "earn" you a daughter

    And no one now chime in and say "I don't think it will earn me a daughter" because on some level, yes, you do, or you wouldn't be doing it. And don't say "but it helps alleviate my stress" because that is EXACTLY what I mean - you do a sway-related project with the goal of "alleviating your stress/anxiety" and then you feel better when it's done becuase you feel like you accomplished something (BTW, something that is easy and fun and enjoyable) to control an inherently uncontrollable situation. That's the exact type of thing that sways blue, these attempts to control the universe so you have less anxiety about something you really want to accomplish.

    And one more thing, please do not replace the time you spent in visualization with panic as you try to control your every waking thought so you get into a cycle where you're hyperventilating into a paper bag thinking "OMG I GOTTA CALM DOWN OR I"M GOING TO WRECK MY SWAY." When you do that, you're simply trading actively controlling things by making a vision board, with STILL trying to control things by forcing yourself not to think about your sway and "keeping calm". Don't replace obsessing over your sway with obsessing over NOT obsessing about your sway. YOU ARE STILL OBSESSING in that case. The problem is the obsessing and the controlling, you can change the focus of your obsession and still be obsessing and controlling.

    You are still going to think about your sway some. You are still going to daydream about girl clothes and all the rest of it. The thing you are trying to avoid is indulging all that stuff to the extent that the indulgence itself becomes a control freak project for you. You guys have to let some of this stuff go. you have to come to accept that you will do the stuff that is necessary for your sway (diet, exercise, one attempt - and please note "MAKE A VISION BOARD" and "OBSESS OVER GIRL CLOTHES" are nowhere on that list) and at the end of the day, it goes into someone elses hands, whether that is the universe (which sadly does not respond to heartfelt requests) or God (who may, but has His own plan about what the answer will be) or even just Lady Luck.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

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  3. #262
    Swaying Advice Coach
    atomic sagebrush's Avatar
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    I posted this in another thread, but I had a funny observation and just wanted to share it with everyone since it's in keeping with the MDH:

    I'm not even really asking for input on this one, just want to share one of my interesting observations re blue vs. pink swayers, because it's so odd and interesting that it simply HAS to mean something, even though I don't know what it means!

    In the past I've mentioned things like how a surprising chunk of blue swayers try for another baby even though their first baby is really young still (read about that here: https://www.genderdreaming.com/forum...t=blue+swayers) and about how there's a trend among couples where a large minority of people with all or mostly girls have sex very rarely - once a week, once a month, even once every six months on numerous occasions - compared to those with all boys.

    Well, I've noticed another one of these little quirks. Blue swayers are CONSTANTLY messaging me pictures of supplement bottles to "make sure this is ok!" It's like even when I tell them exactly what to buy, they can't bring themselves to do it without getting my approval. Pink swayers only rarely do this, and in fact I have the opposite problem where they go off on their own and take things I did not put in their plans (even the personal plan people, who are CONSTANTLY taking things I never put in their plans even though I have a section in the plans that states DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING ELSE WITHOUT ASKING ME FIRST). When I ask them why, many of them assume I forgot them, made a mistake about not including them, or was too uninformed to ever have heard about it. (yes, the unknown cranberry, I've never heard of it )

    It's just a really weird dichotomy of on the one hand, a group of people being terrified to get the wrong thing without an authority figure double checking, vs. a group of people who are immediately assuming "well, atomic obvs doesn't know what she's talking about, think I'll use this thing I found in a study from 1968 done in three people. I will not ask her first because it is clear ~I~ am the actual expert here".

    Very much what we would expect to see with the Maternal Dominance Hypothesis. Probably no way to change it, but it's JUST SO UBIQUITOUS it's fascinating.

    And ladies, please don't take offense at this. I'm not offended by anyone second guessing me or checking my work, please don't be offended by me pointing out how WEIRD it is that some of the pink swayers are so insistent on second guessing and checking my work. (and I am the first person to admit I certainly went rolling into InGender knowing nothing and second guessing everything Tamara said, extremely annoyingly)

    And in the meantime the blue swayers want the atomic seal of approval on everything, even things I tell them very clearly TO TAKE (like messaging me to check to see if Women's One A Day is ok!!! I recommend that constantly!) It is just such a clear cut and consistent difference between the two groups!

    Like I've said a zillion times, the reason why we must talk about this stuff is so we can have a greater understanding of the stuff that we CAN'T change. Some of this personality stuff is likely set into our DNA itself, and that's why we focus our sway tactics in other ways. But it is still interesting to unravel the mysteries of why things are the way they are!
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    If you appreciate my help with your sway plan, please consider a donation:

    https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=C92U9TVWTRTDQ

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