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  1. #31
    Dream Vet

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    [QUOTE=atomic sagebrush;459840] gut instinct here, it seems a little bit "martha" to say, OMG I have to now postpone and come up with a plan to relax myself and change my personality!!! (remember Jeannie trying to change her name to impress Charlie SHeen??) You can't change your personality, it's more like you just mellow out a little bit.

    This was also my first reaction, never thought of it as 'Martha' need to work on acceptance I think, not everything is within my control (although I try)
    DS1 2010
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  2. #32
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    Wow, it's worse than I thought! I don't know if I can do this. I mean...I just don't know! I'll be stalking this thread for the rest of the essay. But yes my first instinct is to tackle it like a problem. "Ok, I need to relax more. So I'll google how to relax, and I'll watch my DH and try to behave more like him..." Haha.

    Quote Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush View Post
    gut instinct here, it seems a little bit "martha" to say, OMG I have to now postpone and come up with a plan to relax myself and change my personality!!! (remember Jeannie trying to change her name to impress Charlie SHeen??) You can't change your personality, it's more like you just mellow out a little bit and it's not something that you MAKE happen. You can't make it happen. It just happens. What you can do is try to practice acceptance and that can help.

    Be like Sloane - say, this is who I am, it's ok, things are cool, life is good, no matter what I can't really lose here. If you're really obsessing over it, and you ahve the time to spare because you're young enough, flip a coin and just do what the coin says (no reflipping if you don't like the outcome!!!)



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    [2] healthy baby boy born in 2011
    [21 weeks] Nov. 2012 Went for a scan at 20 weeks, baby measured 17+6, came back for a follow up scan and baby had passed away. Lots of testing, no answers.
    Moving on without my son's brother. Starting our HT journey in 2014.

  3. #33
    Dream Vet

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    Sbowman, your post made me chuckle as I also approached this like a problem and had the same thoughts of googling it for solutions, very Martha! no wonder I have boys! Any ideas ................?
    DS1 2010
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  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by 2lovelyboys View Post
    Sbowman, your post made me chuckle as I also approached this like a problem and had the same thoughts of googling it for solutions, very Martha! no wonder I have boys! Any ideas ................?
    Exactly how I approached it too. Eek! I even bought two books on acceptance therapy. I've started reading one but have kind of lost my enthusiam for the 'project' - what hope is there for me?! I think I need to just enjoy every minute with my boys & I'm sure ds3 will help me stop living in my own head so much. I think I'm over the idea of another kitchen-sink sway now. It didn't work & I'm so glad I got the chance to make that mistake & still hopefully have another chance left. Babies are great at keeping us in the present. I can't wait to.meet our new little boy & am just tired of GD now. Can't wait to start over in a new town with a new baby where no-one knows of my GD!

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    So proud to announce that after many long years of GD our precious DAUGHTER joined us in June 2016!!


  5. #35
    Dream Vet

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    Dream, am so with you! I have bought books on meditation, how funny I have accepted a DS3 and am getting excited, I think because I am becoming more positive the responses I am receiving are better than I expected. But like you I feel I have learnt a valuable lesson this time and am hoping to learn from it!

    Seems us boy mums have a lot in common! Am finding all this very educational! Am going to enjoy watching the stats spreadsheet over the next few months!
    DS1 2010
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  6. #36
    Swaying Advice Coach
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    bear with me, I'm trying!!
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

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  7. #37
    Dreamer

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    Thanks for the great essay. But how do I become more Martha?? lol. I think for the little things I'm very Martha, but when it comes to the big things, I'm pretty laid back and figure life will just work itself out. Hopefully luck will be on my side.

  8. #38
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    I think the point is that some things you *can't* change... you just have to go for it anyway

    although things like CBT or trying to change your outlook (NOT change your needs, just to put thngs in perspective) can make life easier to live your life in the long term rather than doing it for a sway

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by mollisol View Post
    Thanks for the great essay. But how do I become more Martha?? lol. I think for the little things I'm very Martha, but when it comes to the big things, I'm pretty laid back and figure life will just work itself out. Hopefully luck will be on my side.
    Blue swayers CAN become more Martha - start by taking on projects (like swaying) where you are running the show! I think swaying itself can sway blue because it's a big complex project with a lot riding on it. If you like cooking or crafting now is the time to do that (but be sure you are able to finish what you start)

    I also recommend things like video games - one of my favorites is the Pokemon games for Gameboy, because they are very meticulous with lots of planning and attention to detail, and there's lots of battling in it. Candy crush, Farmville, the Sims would be good. Or in the real world, card games, puzzles, anything that YOU enjoy that requires some planning and forethought in order to succeed at it.
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  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbowflower View Post
    I think the point is that some things you *can't* change... you just have to go for it anyway

    although things like CBT or trying to change your outlook (NOT change your needs, just to put thngs in perspective) can make life easier to live your life in the long term rather than doing it for a sway
    This is true for pink swayers but blue swayers can try to reprogram themselves by taking on challenges, competing, and starting detail-oriented projects.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    If you appreciate my help with your sway plan, please consider a donation:

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