Confused!

[TaniaLl]

I have a question for you ladies... If money was no issue, would you go the IVF/PGS route to conceive your desired gender? Not that money is not an issue for us, but our insurance will cover IVF, we have to pay for PGS. It will be about 5k, which my husband is willing to do to ensure we have our baby girl. We have a beautiful son, and as he has 2 more kids, this will be our last. Having a daughter is my dream, and this will be our last chance; however, I am worried about the risks, more so for the baby than for me. I have thought about at-home swaying but I am nervous about the chances. What would you do??

I know this is the natural swaying forum, and I am really considering both options. I am new to the forum and appreciate your responses.

[atomic sagebrush]

I recommend that if HT is ever an option that you should seriously consider it. If you are 38 and up, please know going in that your odds of success may not be super duper fab and you may actually have a higher chance of coming away with a DD by swaying. And if you can only afford the one cycle, this is an even bigger consideration because being a OHW at 38 and up just doesn't happen a whole lot, unfortunately.

To answer your question, I personally would not have gone that route because my personal worldview is that while I did have pretty severe GD for a while after DS 3 and less so after DS 4, it passed (largely because I worked hard at overcoming it). I felt like GD was a bit of a nasty trick that tried to make me less happy with what I had, if that makes any sense, and when I didn't "let it win" then it got loads better. It felt it better ~~for me~~ to make peace with GD and learn acceptance if all boys was what was meant to be for me.

Additionally the time I even had any burning desire for a girl I was already in my late 30's and I feel like HT has a lot lower odds of success. I also knew for a fact that if I only got XY I would have implanted them in a heartbeat, and hey, if I'd take a boy anyway, I can brew one up at home. Plus my husband would never have gone along with it in a zillion years but hey, if we're imagining I had enough money, I will imagine I have a different husband too LOL. Either way it just wouldn't have been the way I would have gone but I think it is fantastic for anyone who is willing and able to do it.

I would urge that if it's an option, do it NOW instead of later. Your odds of success do not improve with age and so I hate to see people think "well I'll sway FIRST, and then if that doesn't work out, I'll move on from there" NO. Go HT first and then if that doesn't work out, swaying will always be here. We have good results with gals even over 40 (I conceived my daughter when I was 41 1/2).

Please tell me more about the "risk" you perceive because virtually all the "risk" is nothing more than statistical coincidence that is inflated by journalists to scare people.

[carmella_marie]

This is something I have been thinking about a lot. We could potentially go HT but for me there is the dilema of what to do with the left over embryos. I would want them to have a chance at life and therefore gladly give them up to adoption to someone who wanted a little boy. But my husband does not want to give them up to adoption. So that's kind of where we're stuck.

I have heard that there are 900,000+ frozen embryos around the world right now and part of me just doesn't want to add to that number because I think those embryos deserve a chance at life (just my personal conviction and I do not judge ANYONE who decides to do IVF and PGD, very personal choice!) and so I would LOVE to adopt a PGD girl embryo but they are quite hard to find unfortunately.

At the same time I don't want to keep popping out kids until we get a girl. I love my boys to death and my GD has lessened over time. Like atomic said I think you need to overcome GD, that really is the key to happiness. If I had another little boy through swaying I would be sad, but I know I would love him just as much as his two brothers. but we only want to have one or two more kids tops so I feel like rolling the dice again is risky. I'm still praying and thinking a lot about it.

[TaniaLl]

Thank you so much for your response Atomic Sagebrush! I think I should have been more specific... I am 32 years old, and the risks that I am scared of are the ones I have been googling about (I know, not a great idea, but I am a google freak!). I have been reading about the possibility that IVF has a higher risk for birth defects, neurological disorder, learning disabilities, and stillbirths, and it is freaking me out! Not to mention the fact that to do PGS, the actual embryo is tampered with. We have done all the testing, and everything is ok with both of us, the next step is to get me on birth control and start stimulating my ovaries for removal. I am having second thoughts; I guess everything is becoming more real... and above anything I want a healthy baby. I dream of a baby girl but if it's going to be dangerous for the baby I think I will take my chances and go the natural way...

I am halfway through the process though... and my husband is excited about it... don't know what to do

[TaniaLl]

Carmella Marie- thank you for your reply! I have thought about that too, and do not know yet what we will be doing. I would definitely love my next baby no matter what, but my dream is still there.. you know?

I hope you get the little girl of your dreams too!! In a way I really want to not roll the dice this time like you said, and know from the start what it is!! I do believe positive thinking helps no matter what, and yes, keep praying and thinking about it!

[atomic sagebrush]

Ok that's what I figured you were concerned about.

I have looked into it at length and spoken with several doctors and researchers about this (including Dr. Potter and a doctor who specializes in autism) and we all are of the opinion that this is a statistical coincidence and nothing beyond that. Very few people are doing IVF because they are young and in good health and fully fertile people looking for family balancing. The vast majority of people do ivf because they need to - they may be older, have PCOS or other health issues that have reduced their fertility, their partners have very poor sperm health, and so on.

These very same circumstances have all also been linked to higher risks of autism and various other things and it's very, very, very likely that any supposed "link" between IVF and any health issue in baby is simply a coincidence representing the reasons WHY the majority of people have to do IVF and not anythign to do with the process itself.

We have seen tons of healthy kids come out of the PGD process (including some in people who had naturally conceived kids who had autism or other health challenges.)

Sadly (and please no one take offense, remember I have 4 sons myself) the number one risk factor for many things like autism and learning disorders is male gender, so by virtue of going HT for a girl you are already going to be less predisposed to having a child with some of these conditions anyway.

There are no guarantees in this life and lightning can always strike at any time - natural conceptions as well. HTH.

[TaniaLl]

Thank you so much for that information! I think I will be going through with it... I am very nervous about the embryo being tampered with but I guess I am thankful for science being able to make dreams come true! Thank you for being so thorough; you have really given me reassurance

[atomic sagebrush]

Best of luck!