Maybe number 4?

[MiaMelb]

Sounds like gift giving doesn't get any easier with time kittendreams

[LMSM]

Thanks ladies..I so hope we all get to experience having a child of the opposite gender, too, or find trueness peace with it,somehow!

Oh gosh yes it’s tough when you have relatives that you see have the opposite gender....so far, I only have nephews! And the hard but is that one of my SILs (whom I adore) is aching so bad for a girl! After her first she wasn’t even sure she wanted ttc #2 because she was worried it’d be a boy again...life isn’t fair
Having said that, I guess Life gives us what we need, even if we don’t realise that we need it?! That’s my consolation:P

[Kayla2178]

hey


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[atomic sagebrush]

I am going to tell you the opposite side here.

While I love babies and children and would never trade any of mine, the fact is that having 3 small kids and two big ones, plus a husband, job, housework, and the other things I want to accomplish with my life, is HARD. You do have to accept that going in. I personally am spread very, very thin right now. I don't feel like I"m a good mom, a good wife, or a good atomic, and I am having to let opportunities I want to pursue in other arenas pass by. (my husband brought me a piano which I've wanted for years and I never have time to play it, for instance...I don't ever have time to exercise so I'm not as healthy as I'd like to feel, that kind of thing.) My life feels like a hamster wheel I'm always running on while some evil spirit throws disasters at my head.

In the meantime, I have several friends from my IG days who decided to stick with 2-3 boys and they're succeeding at their job, they're traveling, they're doing activities with their kids - and they have time and money to do that. I have no time and we have no money and in no small part, the reason we have no money is that I had to accomplish my dream, yk?? So while I did get my daughter, I don't have things the way I'd dreamed of even with her, and I still don't have the time and freedom to play dollies, and have our nails done, and all that stuff.

Now obviously I would not trade her or change anything, but just keep in mind that no matter what happens there will be some tradeoffs involved and you may find that the things you traded off for that next baby are actually things you will miss and feel you are missing out on. Just keep that in mind going in to the decision process because we all get so focused on the gender dream that we sometimes forget that we all have lots of other dreams too and pursuing the one thing may end up meaning that the others don't come true.

[Georgia_Peach]

I am going to tell you the opposite side here.

While I love babies and children and would never trade any of mine, the fact is that having 3 small kids and two big ones, plus a husband, job, housework, and the other things I want to accomplish with my life, is HARD. You do have to accept that going in. I personally am spread very, very thin right now. I don't feel like I"m a good mom, a good wife, or a good atomic, and I am having to let opportunities I want to pursue in other arenas pass by. (my husband brought me a piano which I've wanted for years and I never have time to play it, for instance...I don't ever have time to exercise so I'm not as healthy as I'd like to feel, that kind of thing.) My life feels like a hamster wheel I'm always running on while some evil spirit throws disasters at my head.

In the meantime, I have several friends from my IG days who decided to stick with 2-3 boys and they're succeeding at their job, they're traveling, they're doing activities with their kids - and they have time and money to do that. I have no time and we have no money and in no small part, the reason we have no money is that I had to accomplish my dream, yk?? So while I did get my daughter, I don't have things the way I'd dreamed of even with her, and I still don't have the time and freedom to play dollies, and have our nails done, and all that stuff.

Now obviously I would not trade her or change anything, but just keep in mind that no matter what happens there will be some tradeoffs involved and you may find that the things you traded off for that next baby are actually things you will miss and feel you are missing out on. Just keep that in mind going in to the decision process because we all get so focused on the gender dream that we sometimes forget that we all have lots of other dreams too and pursuing the one thing may end up meaning that the others don't come true.

I can definitely understand this fully. I feel the same right now with my 4. I've given up on travel years ago unless its Disney.
Its also cold and flu season and trying to keep this house free of germs is another added stress. I can only image what it will be like when it hits the whole house!
I sometimes resent the fact that my husband gets to leave the house to go to work! Obviously though... I have a newborn and it's not always going to be THIS hard.. but I too am spread very thin.
I am going to have to disagree with the post on this thread though about your kids resenting you bc you had so many children. I grew up with 1 sibling and always wanted more. My kids love the fact that they have eachother and play with eachother every day. We dont hsve to schedule play dates with other kids! I think this is a your damned if you do.. damned if you dont kind of situation.


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[atomic sagebrush]

Oh I didn't read that post sorry - but yes I was an only child for 11 years before I got half-siblings and I HATED IT. I would have loved to have lots of brothers or sisters to play with and that's one of the few saving graces that gets me through sometimes. I hear the kids playing together, instead of with me (because I"m so busy and exhausted all the time), and while I feel guilty for that I remember wanting that so badly as a child...having that sibling right there at the ready. That part makes me happy.

[dreamofdaughter]

Have not read all the replies but I would go for it if DH is on board. My siblings were my saving grace growing up. We aren't close now (that's another story) but honestly I don't know where I would be without them. I never resented my parents for siblings. I actually was hoping my mum was pregnant when she skipped her first period in the start of menopause. Good luck and good wishes for more healthy children.

[Greydore]

Thanks so much atomic. The more I think about it the more I feel like I’m just mourning the fact that my pregnancy days are over. Not that pregnancy is easy, but there’s the excitement of a positive test, finding out the sex, delivery, etc. Obviously that’s a terrible reason to have another child, so I’m leaning towards no right now. I brought up resentment because I do know people who didn’t like being part of a big family- they felt like their parents were always stressed and spread thin. I feel like that now with 3, so I’m sure it’s only worse with more kids. I don’t mean to imply every big family is like this, but it’s something I’ve definitely noticed. I’m not worried about my boys not having playmates because there’s already 3 of them, lol. And as far as having a girl, I’ve never felt a strong desire for one. It would be wonderful to have one, but I’m not desperate for a daughter. I think right now I need to focus on being content and enjoying the kids I do have rather than stressing about whether I should have more or not. Thank you all for your kind comments and advice

[kittendreams]

Greydore im so pleased you have made a decision. Deciding when your family is complete is something I think most people struggle with and all the emotions you are feeling are so very natural.
I'm so very envious of you that you don't desire a daughter- I wish with everything that I could find that peace. You sound like a wonderful mumma and those boys are so blessed to have you. Enjoy every moment xx

[ForeverRestless]

I am going to tell you the opposite side here.

While I love babies and children and would never trade any of mine, the fact is that having 3 small kids and two big ones, plus a husband, job, housework, and the other things I want to accomplish with my life, is HARD. You do have to accept that going in. I personally am spread very, very thin right now. I don't feel like I"m a good mom, a good wife, or a good atomic, and I am having to let opportunities I want to pursue in other arenas pass by. (my husband brought me a piano which I've wanted for years and I never have time to play it, for instance...I don't ever have time to exercise so I'm not as healthy as I'd like to feel, that kind of thing.) My life feels like a hamster wheel I'm always running on while some evil spirit throws disasters at my head.

In the meantime, I have several friends from my IG days who decided to stick with 2-3 boys and they're succeeding at their job, they're traveling, they're doing activities with their kids - and they have time and money to do that. I have no time and we have no money and in no small part, the reason we have no money is that I had to accomplish my dream, yk?? So while I did get my daughter, I don't have things the way I'd dreamed of even with her, and I still don't have the time and freedom to play dollies, and have our nails done, and all that stuff.

Now obviously I would not trade her or change anything, but just keep in mind that no matter what happens there will be some tradeoffs involved and you may find that the things you traded off for that next baby are actually things you will miss and feel you are missing out on. Just keep that in mind going in to the decision process because we all get so focused on the gender dream that we sometimes forget that we all have lots of other dreams too and pursuing the one thing may end up meaning that the others don't come true.

I stumbled to this thread and want to thank you Atomic for this reality check! I loved your honest answer, it's so true. That's exactly why I am still on the fence to try another time. Dh wants in like 2 or 3 years, he would love to add a girl, but doesnt mind another boy. I still struggle bcs I feel like I already reached my limit at 2. It's very difficult and exhausting and it's so much work... my house is constantly a mess, we sleep awful and in a few week i'll be back to work..i am worried I won't make it 😅....and as you said one have to accept all the "package" when trying for more kids. What actually happens is that we just go in thinking about achiveing a dream... but not considering all the consequences
I admire all the mamas who were so brave and went for more kids to achieve their dream. You are amazing and doing a great job and it's not for everyone... I think you are special!