Maybe number 4?

[Greydore]

Hi Greydore, have definitely seen your name pop up here and there but don't think we've really crossed paths before. I totally get where you're at. Found this site while still pregnant with DD2 imagining a future blue sway. However three years later I still haven't taken the plunge. DH (and I) had both only planned on having two kids, but given I never got the boy that I expected I'd have my heart is still struggling to give up on the idea. The financial side of things really gets me too, where we live is very $$$ and I find it hard to fatham putting any more unnecessary pressure on. I guess what I will say is that in my experience the feeling of 'not yet being done' doesn't seem to just go away (particularly if you still have some time on your side).

We live in a very low cost of living area, so I should be thankful for that.

I also don't want to make my boys resent us having more kids. My in laws are both 1 of 8 kids, and none of them had more than 2 kids, a few of them had none. It seems like many people from bigger families growing up didn't like it, and I don't want that for my kids. Maybe I'm one of those women that just don't ever feel done? Because after having 3 I feel like I should be!

[2blue1pink]

The nurse practitioner at my ob's office SWEARS to me that 4 is easier than 3 because of the even numbers thing. I am pregnant with our 4th living child (hopefully), my 6th pregnancy, so we'll see, but man I hope she's right. We just had an incident yesterday where DS3 was crying at the park because DS1 and DS2 (who are only 18 months apart) wouldn't play with him. DS3 will be 3.5 years older than the new baby though so I hope they still get along/play together. (Then again, when DS1 was at school last year, while DS2 was still in preschool, DS2 and DS3 played pretty well together and they are 3 years apart.)
We have had a minivan since our 2nd kid so no issue there. My big thing is if I will be able to continue working. The only way I can work now- which is only part time typically one to two days a week- is that either my mom or my babysitter comes over in the morning and lets me go to work, gets the kids up when it's time (they get to sleep in for an hour after I leave), and takes them to school/preschool. If I had to actually get them up and take them somewhere before getting myself out the door, honestly it would be a deal breaker for me working, and I'm not so sure #4 won't make it a deal breaker either but I'm hoping I can manage to work once a week as I did work really hard to become successful at my current job and have only been in the field for a year. We will see.

My mom had 4 kids but 3 of us are much older- we were 13, 11, and 10 when our youngest brother was born so that was totally different than having 4 younger kids at the same time. Already I can't believe how different it is being pregnant with a 7yo and 6yo this time rather than a 4yo and 3 yo.

I did wonder if I would ever feel done, especially since we have a DD that died as a result of my first awful pregnancy. I can happily say this time that I am TOTALLY done. I have never actually minded pregnancies before even after my first horrible one and then stressful high risk ones with the others. But I am so over ever being pregnant again after this time. Such a huge difference from being 25 and later 20's for my other kids vs. 34 now. I am planning to get my tubes tied with my c-section and have no doubt about it.

[kittendreams]

Hi Greydore I remember you!
Congratulations on your ds3 and I'm glad you are enjoying him.
I'm 32 weeks pregnant now with my sway opposite baby boy ( ds3) and will be trying for baby number 4 next year even though I thought 3 was our limit.
I just have to try again or I will always wonder what if....even though 4 kids scares me I must admit!
Wishing you peace with whatever you decide xx

[sunstars]

Hi Greydore, I also remember you. Congratulations with your boy!
I'm expecting my 3rd boy, and every day I think if I should try again for a girl, since like kittendream, I will wonder what if, if I won't. A few years ago, I thought 4 is possible, but after I've lost my twin girls, then tried to sway and couldn't get pregnant easily, then had a miscarriage, the years have passed (I'll be 40 when ds3 will be born), and some health and pregnancy issues have appeared, so now I just really don't know what to do, what is right. I keep telling myself that I'll decide once my ds3 will be with me safely and turn a year old, but I feel the urgency of time and need clarity, either I need to get used to the idea of 3 boys and no daughter, or I need to prepare to 4 children. But to say the truth, right now I wouldn't want a 4th boy, so things are much more complicated in my case.
Since you have time and wouldn't mind 4th boy, just like everyone here, I'd say go for it. Good luck!

[Greydore]

Kittendreams and sunstars, congratulations on your pregnancies! There is something so special about that third boy- We are so head over heels for ours. I think I’m enjoying him the most because I’m not as anxious/clueless as I was with my first, and don’t have the guilt I had with my second. I’m much more laid back as a mom and that’s helped too. I hope both of your deliveries go smoothly!

2blue1pink I totally get the crazy logistics of having kids. I’m lucky that I’m a nurse so I can choose my own schedule, otherwise there’s no way we could afford daycare for 3 kids. So I’m able to work on days my husband is off. It’s hectic but it works for us. I’ve also learned quickly that people don’t want to take 3 kids at once, like my mom is hesitant to take all 3 this summer so husband and I can go on vacation.

[kittendreams]

Sunstars I am truly so sorry for the loss of your girls!
Time also isn't on my side- I'm 39 not long after ds3 will be born so most probably 40 by the time I ttc number 4- not something I ever thought I would be doing at 40 I kind of thought I'd be back at work by then but I guess this is my path/ destiny/ Fate whatever you call it-so as long as I'm still able to get pregnant I feel like it must be right for me if it happens.

It looks like there will be a few of us ttc after an opposite on here in the near future so I feel lucky we can support each other through the journey xx

[kittendreams]

Just curious if you girls will sway again If you decide to ttc?
After two failed sways I'm still undecided ��*♀️

[Greydore]

Kittendreams that would be great to possibly ttc with some of you. I didn’t sway with any of my boys, I was fine having boys and would be happy with a 4th boy. My older two sons keep asking for a sister, and the oldest gets tearful when I tell him he might never have one! I was hesitant to sway because diet an exercise seems very important and I have a history of eating disorder. But if I get do it without getting neurotic I might want to try.

Edited to add: how hard did you sway? Just curious.

[kittendreams]

Kittendreams that would be great to possibly ttc with some of you. I didn’t sway with any of my boys, I was fine having boys and would be happy with a 4th boy. My older two sons keep asking for a sister, and the oldest gets tearful when I tell him he might never have one! I was hesitant to sway because diet an exercise seems very important and I have a history of eating disorder. But if I get do it without getting neurotic I might want to try.

Edited to add: how hard did you sway? Just curious.

Oh we swayed hard- really hard both times. Honestly nothing else we could do hence why I'm on the fence as to whether we sway this time or just leave it to fate.
I get you with the eating disorder I have a similar history in my teens and twenties and I did lose a lot of weight to sway ( 30 kg!) but I haven't relapsed probably because I'm pregnant. It's definitely something to be careful of.

[Greydore]

Kittendreams that must’ve been difficult. I think girl swaying is much harder (my tendencies are so opposite). I can see why you might just leave it up to chance. I haven’t tried it yet so we’ll see. Are you due in early February? My sister is 31 weeks with a boy and due February 14.