Question for people with large families and/or more kids than you thought you'd have

[PinkSabra101]

Hope this is the right place to put this....for those of you who have either large families (I know that number is different for everyone--for me it's more than 3 where for some people that's nothing!) or have ended up trying for more kids than you thought you wanted....can I ask (while acknowledging these are quite personal questions):

1. Did you have to convince your partner? While I do know some men who want bigger families than their female partners, the most frequent story I see is of woman convincing man. Does that lead to resentment in places where the guy said "ok, but for you"?
2. How did you work out if you truly wanted another child or if it was about trying for a particular gender? Like truly deep down figure that out.
3. How did you work out if you truly wanted another child and not just another baby?

All premature as baby 3 isn't even out yet, finances are limited, and I'm pushing 40. But I hate the thought of shutting down the thought of another baby forever. However, I think deep down what I want is the experience of having another daughter, naming her, and enjoying her as a baby. I don't know if I can honestly say that I want to take on a whole other child--of any gender--and it would also take some major convincing for my DH and some major squashing into our home. There is a large gap between my older two and this one and the thought of two "sets" is nice. But do you consider a whole other child just out of desire for symmetry?! Just curious how other people have made these decisions and how it was either having more kids than you'd thought you would or stopping even though you'd have liked to try again. Also acknowledging that for some people it isn't a choice, and either a surprise comes along or nature decides no more. TIA!

[atomic sagebrush]

Bumping! I know we have a lot of big families on here, can't wait to see the replies!

[treens]

My first baby was a girl who was an oops baby. I got pregnant at 20 and right away got married. We were pushed into it by our families thinking that was the right thing to do. We were more like friends and ended up having a son two years later we didn’t end up working out as it wasn’t meant for us, but we still are friends.
I then got married again and desire to have a child with him. He had two girls and he was such a good dad. We ended up having to wait years on the waiting list to get his vasectomy reversed and ended up having a little girl he desperately wanted a boy, but I did not know anything about swaying at that time, we tried to have another but his tubes blocked up. Which is the best for us as it was a very toxic relationship.
I always thought I would have two kids or four because of symmetry for some reason. But I really was never leading towards 4 it’s just growing over the years.

I know have an amazing husband, but he’s 11 years younger than me. I love children and knew he would want to have one of his own and we swayed for a boy and had a boy. He would love another boy but we swayed girl and it ended up having a loss of a girl. We are currently trying for another swing girl but happy for just a healthy baby.
My children have large age gaps also 22, 19, 11, almost 2. I am now almost 43 and really find having a baby as an older mom awesome. You really appreciate all of the stages. Things may be slightly harder but I appreciate every day.

I guess my story is a bit different, but I can understand how you cannot know for sure how you’re feeling. I think you should have your sweet baby and give it a little time to decide how you feel after that. You never know.

[PinkSabra101]

Thanks Treens for sharing your story and I'm so sorry for your loss; I hope you have a healthy baby very soon! I think I should definitely see what 3 feels like first, but I've never been great at sitting with uncertainty. Wish I was the kind of person, like someone I know, who didn't try/didn't prevent for a 4th for 6 months and then actually closed that chapter when it didn't happen within that time and has as far as I know been content. I don't know if that speaks to the strength of her original desire for it, or lack thereof, or if some people are just better at accepting an outcome and moving forward. I'm more the once I start I obsess type. :P

[PinkSabra101]

Lol to be fair if I had a large family I’d probably have neither time nor energy to reply but still would love to know ppl’s experiences !

[LMSM]

Hi!

I'm a mum of 4 (4 girls) and hoping to add #5 (and hopefully our 1st boy!) soon - TTC planned in a few months.

For context, for our 1st, I was very clucky for a few years - but our situation didn't allow us TTC. So we waited until we'd been married for a year and more stable. My husband would have been happy to wait a LOT longer (I don't think he would ever have initiated TTC, though he wanted kids).
Turns out, we waited 2 years to have our fist DD - and fertility treatments after I got an endometriosis diagnosis (which in itself was good, after suffering and being dismissed for 15 years).
Even being extremely sleep deprived due to our 1st sleep thief, I got very clucky once she was about 10 months old - turns out, my cycles were resuming and we had an oops on the 2nd PP cycle...that ended in miscarriage. Was very very sad, had another laparoscopy for my endometriosis...and came out very impatient to have another baby. Hubby wasn't that keen, and even said "even if we only have DD!, that's ok too" but once I'd healed from the surgery, was okay TTC as he could see how it consumed me ( I think I needed to be pregnant and have a take home baby to not feel like I somehow failed?) . We knew which fertility treatments worked for us, so we got pregnant fast. My 2nd DD was born a couple of months after DD1 turned 2.
DD2 was chill (oh so chill compared to her sister!) - so was happy to wait to have another, to just enjoy our life as a fam of 4. HUbby was NOT keen for another and it caused friction when DD2 was approaching 18 months - I was surprised at how impatient I'd suddenly become (hint - I had just weaned DD2 at 17 months...cluck cluck cluck!). We ended up TTC'ing for #3 a few months later and were pregnant within a couple of cycles...along came DD3!
He was content with our 3 girls and didn't feel we needed more kids - I was convinced we needed one more, a son..geared up to start swaying, he took *some* supplements (maybe)...but lockdown, water heater burst in the coldest week of the year, we kept warm in the bed LOL but little miss #4 snuck in (we'd been DTD unprotected for the 1st part of the cycle before fertile days with no problems for over a year!) early in my cycle...so there went our chance to sway or even TTC!
My first word when I took the test "F*CK!" LOL I felt robbed - then when I found out it was another girl, I broke down - I was NOT ok. Kept the baby as couldn't not, and he honestly was more connected to her than me the whole pregnancy.
Now when I ask him "one more?" - he just says " but when do we sleep??" LOL
So long story short (too late!) - I have always been the initiator... he would have been content with no kids (or maybe would he have initiated with time, had I not?) -or much smaller a brood. He genuinely doesn't care about gender though.
I do think when the kids are difficult (and our eldest is likely ASD/ADHD and can be VERY difficult) - he does carry sone resentment towards the situation (bearing in mind we have ZERO support as our families are overseas very far away - haven't seen most in 5 years).
I always wanted a least 3 kids, ideally 4 with all or most boys - would have been fine with a 50/50 split - NEVER expected to have 4 GIRLS though haha
For me, I know that I would probably have not wanted more kids (even though am sure I would still get clucky because apparently my hormones drive my decisions LOL) had it not been for the fact that I cannot shake the desire to have a son. It's not outside the realm of possibility that I will chicken out but I really feel like my head and body have been giving me signs to go for it...nothing rational but have worked on myself to be at peace with what happens (if I'd been rational, I would have stopped at 3 regardless of gender hehe).
I do feel immense guilt at the thought of adding one more really just for *my* selfish sake (girls want a brother, DH doesn't care nor he is *keen* for another per se) - stretching our resources, time, etc...BUT I can see how they also have become their own group, relying on each other (doing cr*ap and mischief together) and I hope that it just multiplies the love too. I figure once you've got 4, eh, what's one more? We already have the space and big car!

[PinkSabra101]

Thanks so much for your responses; I hope you have a successful sway soon if you plug ahead with it. Funny, I also think my DH would've been content with no kids, and I think if we had more resources (we do not have the space in the house or car....we'd certainly all eat and be clothed, but things would be tight) he might be a bit more "whatever" about more. He also does not care about gender one bit; perhaps easy to say as we do have both, but I just don't see him ever caring or bringing it up or having any kind of preference... he says as it can't be controlled why bother caring about it...my god, I wish I was like that...about anything! FWIW it would be my absolute dream to come up with 4 girls' names. I'll probably be doing that for fun longggg after my childbearing years are over. Good luck with the sway

[LMSM]

Thank you!
Let me tell you, it was HARD naming 4 girls haha
I kinda let DH choose DD1's name, and I suggested the others which he didn't veto...but now, the name I think like the most is DD4's
I have a LONG list of boy names on the ready that I've been building for decades - hope to use a few soon :P
Sending all all ALL my pink dust to you and the ones that want it - I do NOT want it back ever thanks

[Walkerbabies]

Your questions are quite interesting! The answers are just as interesting too! I hope you get your 3rd child. I'm 46 and I recently had my BFP. This will be my first and only child!

[PinkSabra101]

Congrats to you!!!! Here’s to a healthy and happy 9 months and beyond x