Back again: blue sway planning

[ruby_blue]

Hi Atomic!

I hope you're well I'm back again. Not ready to start swaying *just* yet but have some questions for you if that's ok!

Firstly my beautiful baby girl is 6 months old now. So happy to have her, so I am glad the swaying went awry in the end (I think with those constant bouts of illness, blue was more and more unlikely!). Still utterly baffled over her conception but there you go!

I'm hoping to start swaying for blue in around a year, so my girls will then be 4.5 and 1.5 years old.

Current blockers / challenges are:

DH:
- His age: he'll be 45 at the end of this year
- His lifestyle: he vapes a lot, drinks occasionally, works hard (office job) and also cycles a couple of times a week. I'm trying to get him to kick vaping but it's hard work as he's very addicted and also stressed out
- His attitude to more kids: it ain't good! He's not thrilled at the prospect of more, which will make trying regularly quite hard. But he is open to the idea if I work my butt off to make it work
- Our sex life: currently not that regular - having a baby to look after as well as a toddler means we both just want to crash in the evenings

Me:
- I did lots of reading on this site when I first joined. I wonder whether my propensity towards anxiety and general lack of control in my life means that I don't have a 'boy mum' personality
- Naturally I would have more of a 'girl mum' diet if I could, but I have stuck with some of the things I adopted when swaying blue - namely: full fat milk, decaf and regular tea, meat, vegetables, and cut out all sweentener.
- I'm going to be 37 this year so veering on older mum territory as well, and it seems older parents sway pink?
- I'm mixed feeding my baby - breastfeeding and bottle/ formula feeding. So my periods haven't come back and I don't expect they will do until my baby is at least 1 years old. I'll breastfeed her up to 1 if she is willing.
- My sleeping patterns are a bit of a mess. It seems that boy mums prefer an early night - is that a thing? I'm the opposite. A real night owl. I struggle to get into bed before midnight/ 1am. I then seriously struggle to get up in the morning and often have to go back to bed while DH looks after the kids for a few hours. I can see this isn't a healthy pattern or very sustainable but we've got kind of stuck in this routine.
- An upcoming operation: I'm getting a septoplasty surgery done in October, to fix a deviated septum. It will involve general anaesthetic, which I know is very pink. But I plan to then wait around 6 months until I start trying, if that is enough time?

So my questions to you are:
- Is there anything I should be doing now to help our chances in a year? Even vitamins we're taking etc - when's the optimal time to introduce all of that?
- Same with sex life - should DH be 'releasing regularly' this far in advance?
- Diet query! I cut out sea bass but still eat salmon fillets 2-3 times a week. I'm also a big fan of smoked salmon (especially with cream cheese on wholemeal bread). Should I limit my fish intake already? As I remember you were shocked by how much I was eating before!
- Do I need to change my sleeping patterns already?

I am hoping to buy a plan off you nearer the time anyway but thought I should plan ahead given the challenges in my situation.

Lots of love and thanks, as ever, Ruby Blue xx

[atomic sagebrush]

Aww, I'm so happy to hear your little lady is doing so well! That is so common with sway opposites - they're just such delightful little people!

If at all possible yes I'd def. try to convince hubby to give up, or at least cut back on the vaping. That's the number one priority. Number two priority is for him to stop cycling all together, but if you have to pick one thing make it the vaping. The other stuff is far behind in importance, if he continues drinking some that's no big deal.

When men aren't receptive it is VERY important to not push too hard so definitely just focus on getting him to cut back on the vaping, and if the other things happen too that's great but the vaping is the biggie.

Most of the boy moms are also plagued with anxiety so that's not the issue. Feeling like you have no control over your life is a little more concerning, but the good news is, having a blue sway where you're working on exercise, eating patterns, and so on is the PERFECT opportunity to gain control! It is MUCH easier for a girl mom to get in control over a sway than it is for boy moms to let go of control when trying to sway, so let that concern go, it's not a big deal at all.

Great that you're still sticking with those positive boy-friendly changes. Keep it up! I would absolutely start all the supplements now. Of the main blue supplements, they're all safe to take as far in advance as is possible. LMK if you need a list of these with doses.

Don't worry about the "older parents" thing, you're not even close to that level yet. I got my 3rd boy at 37 and my 4th at 39 and I have gobs of swayers who are in their early 40's who had boys in their late 30's.

Re DH releasing, that's a "pick our battles" type of thing. I don't think there's any reason to start asking him to do this now, and potentially it will make him get very burned out very quickly. Let's just let him "do what he does" and roll with that.

Re your sleeping patterns, I see night owls in both boy and girl moms. I do think that on the whole, boy moms get more rest more consistently, while girl moms do tend to burn the candle at both ends (often from necessity). Obviously you'd not want to take anything to help you sleep while you're nursing (and PLEASE don't, the risks of it coming thru your milk aside, you'd not want to be groggy when breastfeeding) but once you've stopped nursing, you may want to look into melatonin to help you reset your sleep schedule. I don't like you guys taking it when TTC but you might be able to use it or something similar to help fall asleep earlier a couple times and then often the whole schedule will reset.

In the meantime, the best way to get through this is probably to just make peace with the idea that you're going to have a couple very long days, and don't go back to sleep. Be sure not to drink caffeine past noon, yadda yadda. You'll be so tired that you will fall asleep at a more reasonable hour and then sometimes this can reset your sleep schedule to something that works better for your overall life. It sucks but does seem to be the best way without using any medication to break the cycle. I would definitely try to make the changes now, if only for your own ability to function, but if you would prefer to wait till sooner before your sway that's totally fine and at your discretion, as long as that system is working for you and your hubby.

Salmon 2-3 times a week is fine. I would keep it that level. 3-4 servings is likely ok as long as you're doing salmon and not things that were higher in mercury, but I wouldn't go any higher than that both because you're breastfeeding but also because you don't want mercury even at low levels in your system. (I actually do remember that! It stuck in my head because you really were eating a lot of fish!)

If anything happens to the site in between now and when you're planning to sway (I don't own Gender Dreaming, and I keep that concern in the back of my mind) you can always feel free to email me at atomicsagebrush@gmail.com if you want a plan at that time. In the meantime keep me posted and let me know if you have any more questions!

[ruby_blue]

Oh thank you – it’s so good to be back! And yes, I have really started a mini campaign to stop the vaping. It’s difficult for him because his job is so stressful and he has somehow equated this habit with “de-stressing“. I’m an ex smoker myself so I know how hard it is to quit, but then again, I knocked it on the head years ago!

My main question now is, if I was to start one supplement now, which would be the best one to start? I was thinking of buying folate 400ug pills and starting off with one a day? On the assumption folate is most important? My only hesitancy in buying all the supplements now it’s just how much they cost – but if you think it would make a difference to blue sway in a years time, then I am prepared to bite the bullet and start buying them now. But if there’s one that you think is a particular importance and I will start with that.
At the moment I’m taking daily: vitamin D 1000 IU, ferrous sulphate/fumerate 210mg ie one a day, Pregnacare Breastfeeding multivitamins and fish oil tablets (one of each per day).

In the same vein, is there a particular tablet which DH should start with already, a year in advance? As you know, my concern is his age (44)… As with me, his supplements are pretty expensive, so if I can leave it, I will, but then again I may as well go all in — so if there is one / a few which is good to start this early then please let me know

As for diet, I do have salmon around two or three times a week, and also quite a bit of smoked salmon. Smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels are like my favourite thing! I can’t remember where smoked salmon falls in terms of pink or blue? I was thinking that I would cut it out nearer the time, just because I’m not sure which way it sways or how much salmon I’m actually consuming!

And thank you so much, I do have your email address. I will definitely keep that in mind just in case xxx

[atomic sagebrush]

Smoking is weird in that even though it revs people up, it makes them feel calmer somehow. So it's very tough to give up in terms of stress reduction!

I would actually suggest a multivitamin rather than folate alone. A multi should have that amount of folate plus a lot of other good stuff besides.

Honestly, looking at what you're taking I'd just continue with those things!

What is the dose on the fish oil?

If DH is willing, a men's vitamin (preferably One a Day or Centrum over 50, but many men balk at taking something for "over 50" when they're not over 50!)

Salmon isn't really pink OR blue friendly, it can be a part of either sway diet. Salmon is not a terrible fish in terms of contamination, so three times a week is fine. I would go by servings and not "times consumed" so if you're just having a bit of smoked salmon on a bagel (YUM) and it doesn't amount to a full serving, you can have that several times a week instead of just 3 times, if that makes any sense!

[Walkerbabies]

Good luck on your swaying blue. I can see that you have every detail taken cared of. I hope you will be successful. A year of planning is the way to go!

[ruby_blue]

Thank you for your support are you swaying also?

[ruby_blue]

Hiya! Glad the site is back

So we haven’t started the vitamins yet properly but are still holding good on the no vaping. My next question is really about BD frequency - not specifically over TTC time (because that’s a way off) but I understand that it makes make sperm healthier to BD regularly… how much in advance of a sway do you reckon? Trying to BD with two young kids is really tricky! We’re both pretty exhausted at the end of the day and I know I’d rather watch TV lol!

Also, was thinking of starting with all the tablets towards the end of the year. I won’t be breastfeeding then most likely so that should give us around 6 months…

Thanks as always xxx

[atomic sagebrush]

Sperm takes about 72 days to form, so I would go off a 2-ish month timeline.