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  1. #1
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    vickyaust's Avatar
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    Did you tell family and friends about your family balancing with IVF?

    We are an Australian couple planning on travelling to the USA for family balancing PGD. Not sure if we should share this with family or friends?? What have your experiences been?? We have family in the USA so would need to tell them but can just tell others we are visiting/holidaying. If we need multiple trips it might be hard to not share the truth though. I guess I am worried about being judged.
    Australian couple
    Parents to :4:2: Working with Dr Potter at HRC for our HT :or
    Cycle #1 IVF in Australia (MIVF) 2010, ER 22, 18 fertilized, 6 survived to day 2, 1 TF = Chemical. 5 frozen day 2 - poor quality
    Cycle #2 Aug 12 Dr Potter at HRC. ER 13, 10 mature, 9 fertilized, 8 to Day 3 PGD, 1 normal XX TF= BFN.
    http://genderdreaming.com/forum/cycl...e-hrc-bfn.html
    Sperm frozen at HRC so I can cycle alone next time
    Cycle #3 December 12 Dr Potter HRC. Micro dose Lupron flare with GH. Preparation 12 weeks DHEA, acupuncture, chinese herbs, Metformin and extreme low carb diet. 11 eggs, 7 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 to day 5 Natera, both XY HB. NT :-(
    http://genderdreaming.com/forum/cycl...ansfer-28.html
    Cycle #4March 13 Dr Potter HRC. Micro dose lupron Flare with Follistim 450iu & Menopur 300iu & Saizen GH. Continued acupuncture, chinese herbs, low carb diet, Metformin and DHEA. Added fertility yoga. 31 Eggs, 24 Mature, 18 fertilized, 10 to day 5 aCGH, 4 normal Hatched Blasts- 3 XY and 1 XX. TF day 6 fully HB. 7dpd6t BFP.
    Betas 7dpd6t = 134, 10dpd6t= 432, 12dpd6t = 713, 15dpd6t 2000
    Ultrasound planned 15th April

  2. #2
    IVF Advice Coach
    nuthinbutpink's Avatar
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    I didn't tell because of my girls. I don't want them to know. I could give a darn about anyone else. I think it is harder to not tell and keep it to yourself than to tell but if you tell one person everyone can know. I really think our friends and family could care less. It's just our girls I think about.

    Cloverbear from here is an awesome example of how you can be open about it. So, I think you know your family dynamic. You know how people would react and of it is helpful to disclose, the support would be great.
    Mom to

    and my IVF/PGD

    It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did that" than to look back and say "I wish I did that".

    New to IVF/PGD for Family Balancing? Read this- Understanding IVF/PGD- a HT Guide for those New to the IVF/PGD Process

    Need a Natural Swaying Plan? Naturally sway for a boy or a girl- Personalized Swaying Plans

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  3. #3
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    MatildaMai's Avatar
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    I think people generally see it as a little less extreme when you have to do IVF anyway. At least that's been my experience. I have to take the drugs and do the cycle anyway. For those family members I've personally told I basically said we were just taking it an extra step and testing the embryo's to make sure that we are putting back the best embryo possible and that we were doing it in the hope of getting a girl. As it worked out we only had 2 healthy girl embryo's with the last cycle and given my age (38) and the down's miscarriage I had last year, I wouldn't of done another IVF cycle without PGD.

    My parents and my in-laws don't have an issue with testing per se, but they don't agree that I should be able to choose the sex. My mother in particular thinks its selfish - but of course she would, she had the perfect boy/girl pair! So I wasn't averse to having the conversation with my family. I wanted them to know how important this is to me. And I hate secrets. NBP is right - its harder not to tell. But if I'm not open about this then I can't challenge people's perceptions and try to get them to see the other side. And I don't believe its right not to tell my DS twins or my DD how they were conceived. If it were me, I'd want to know I was an IVF baby. Not that it makes any difference. I'd just want to know.
    Step (17)
    Step (15) & (12)
    Our IVF/ICSI twins (6) (OHW)
    Our HT DD (2)

    14Cycle 1 (Dr Lin, CA): ER 14 Jan 2011. 5 eggs, 4 mature and fertilised w/ ICSI. 2 probe. Put back 2 XX's. 5dp5dt - BFP. 9dp5dt - 64. 13dp5dt - 81 Stop meds. 19dp5dt - 330. 22dp5dt - 890. 3 scans show small empty sac not progressing. Final scan before D&C at 7w5d shows HB 116 & a 5.5mm embryo measuring 6w1d. 8w4d - HB 144 & fetus is 11.5mm! 9w4d - no HB.....

    Cycle 2 (Genea): ER 8 July 2011 (after 10 wks on DHEA). 9 eggs, 5 fertilised w/ ICSI, 2 embryo's sent for aCGH day 6 biopsy. 29 July - both normal XX's!!!

    Cycle 3 (Genea): Natural FET 15 March 2012. 4dp5dt BFP. 9dp5dt - 251. 12dp5dt - 949. HB 133 @ 6w3d. Born 6 Nov 2012.

  4. #4
    IVF Advice Coach
    nuthinbutpink's Avatar
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    MM I have thought about that. Knowing he was IVF. But I can't think of why it matters medically. Is there any known reason as to why it matters medically?
    Mom to

    and my IVF/PGD

    It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did that" than to look back and say "I wish I did that".

    New to IVF/PGD for Family Balancing? Read this- Understanding IVF/PGD- a HT Guide for those New to the IVF/PGD Process

    Need a Natural Swaying Plan? Naturally sway for a boy or a girl- Personalized Swaying Plans

    Become a Dream Member to access the private forums

  5. #5
    Dreamer

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    It is great if you can get support from family and friends. We have chosen to keep this to ourselves and not share this with family and it is a hard secret to keep but feel best at this time (cycle coming up next mth). This way we can focus on what we need to do and if decide to tell at later date then we can (hopefully if successful). Of course this will be interesting if have to return for more attempts. We are not sure about that either. Really throwing it all at this now and hoping and praying that we are the proverbial OHW's. A dream and a hope but time will tell.

    Whatever you decide - you know your family better than anyone else so see what feels right closer to time.

  6. #6
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    vickyaust's Avatar
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    Thanks for your comments.
    The main reason it will be hard to keep from family and friends is that we are travelling from Australia to the USA for IVF PGD. We do have family in the US so can say we are visiting them for the first trip, however if we have to go back several times it will look suspicious. I don't want to lie but it would be odd to say we are going all that way for IVF when we have already done IVF in Australia. Maybe we will say its a holiday for the first trip and worry about more trips if we have to do them.
    Australian couple
    Parents to :4:2: Working with Dr Potter at HRC for our HT :or
    Cycle #1 IVF in Australia (MIVF) 2010, ER 22, 18 fertilized, 6 survived to day 2, 1 TF = Chemical. 5 frozen day 2 - poor quality
    Cycle #2 Aug 12 Dr Potter at HRC. ER 13, 10 mature, 9 fertilized, 8 to Day 3 PGD, 1 normal XX TF= BFN.
    http://genderdreaming.com/forum/cycl...e-hrc-bfn.html
    Sperm frozen at HRC so I can cycle alone next time
    Cycle #3 December 12 Dr Potter HRC. Micro dose Lupron flare with GH. Preparation 12 weeks DHEA, acupuncture, chinese herbs, Metformin and extreme low carb diet. 11 eggs, 7 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 to day 5 Natera, both XY HB. NT :-(
    http://genderdreaming.com/forum/cycl...ansfer-28.html
    Cycle #4March 13 Dr Potter HRC. Micro dose lupron Flare with Follistim 450iu & Menopur 300iu & Saizen GH. Continued acupuncture, chinese herbs, low carb diet, Metformin and DHEA. Added fertility yoga. 31 Eggs, 24 Mature, 18 fertilized, 10 to day 5 aCGH, 4 normal Hatched Blasts- 3 XY and 1 XX. TF day 6 fully HB. 7dpd6t BFP.
    Betas 7dpd6t = 134, 10dpd6t= 432, 12dpd6t = 713, 15dpd6t 2000
    Ultrasound planned 15th April

  7. #7
    Banned

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    We told it to my sister and my patents and they support us. It's nice to talk to people who can understand what you are going thru with ivf. I would never tell it to friends or other family and I know my sister and parents won't tell either.

  8. #8
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    MatildaMai's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink View Post
    MM I have thought about that. Knowing he was IVF. But I can't think of why it matters medically. Is there any known reason as to why it matters medically?
    Just seeing this now. I don't think there is a reason why it would matter medically. Certainly none I know of. God forbid any of them have the issues conceiving that I've had. But if they do maybe they would feel less nervous about it knowing that that's what I had to do to have them. I guess I am in slightly different position as all my biological kids are IVF. Its just my step kids who are not.
    Step (17)
    Step (15) & (12)
    Our IVF/ICSI twins (6) (OHW)
    Our HT DD (2)

    14Cycle 1 (Dr Lin, CA): ER 14 Jan 2011. 5 eggs, 4 mature and fertilised w/ ICSI. 2 probe. Put back 2 XX's. 5dp5dt - BFP. 9dp5dt - 64. 13dp5dt - 81 Stop meds. 19dp5dt - 330. 22dp5dt - 890. 3 scans show small empty sac not progressing. Final scan before D&C at 7w5d shows HB 116 & a 5.5mm embryo measuring 6w1d. 8w4d - HB 144 & fetus is 11.5mm! 9w4d - no HB.....

    Cycle 2 (Genea): ER 8 July 2011 (after 10 wks on DHEA). 9 eggs, 5 fertilised w/ ICSI, 2 embryo's sent for aCGH day 6 biopsy. 29 July - both normal XX's!!!

    Cycle 3 (Genea): Natural FET 15 March 2012. 4dp5dt BFP. 9dp5dt - 251. 12dp5dt - 949. HB 133 @ 6w3d. Born 6 Nov 2012.

  9. #9
    Big Dreamer

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    At first it was hard to share with anyone and wanted to keep it secret. However I found that the more I talk about it with friends and family, the more normal it is. No one has judged me or tried to talk me out of it. Everyone I speak to about it is very supportive.

    Most people are more curious about the process than anything and I end up giving a science lesson, which is too funny.

    I presume if your country has banned the process, then you would be subject to the possibility of judgement.

    It's a personal choice, if you don't want to tell anyone so be it! I'm sure you can come up with some creative idea for your travels.

    Good Luck!
    DD (12) DD(9)DD(8 twins)DD(5)

    CYCLE#1 JUNE 2012 @ HRC Dr Potter. Transferred 2 XY on Father's Day....BFP! First Beta 10dp5dt: 415. Scan 7/19 confirms TWINS. Due February 2013

  10. #10
    Big Dreamer
    Bee Shine's Avatar
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    Yes we told family and friends. We told them before we started the process, during it and even now I tell some people. I just think people dont realize this is available to them.
    07 09 11
    Follicle Report
    12/13 ER 10 eggs, 6 mature 12/14 7 fertilized w/ ICSI 12/15 6 still growing
    12/18 Transfered 2 Hatching Blasts Transfered ,PGD Report
    12/23 5dp5dt BFN 12/24 bfp 12/25 bfp 12/27 9dp5dt beta 284.5 16dp5dt Beta 5394.8 2 sacs, but one disappeared !<BR>

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