If it fails, is the disappointment WORSE than gender disappointment?

[atomic sagebrush]

I think I have drafted a plan that works for me. I am younger so should try HT first. If we can afford it in the next 4-5 years then I will do that and if it does not work or I can not do it then I will sway. Best of both worlds but in the order that works for me. I think what ever the plan I am not ready for another child right now so I need to try and put my GD aside and just focus on raising my boys to be the best men they can possibly be, and have alot of fun doing it.
My DP adores his Mum so hopefully one day that will be me x3

ALWAYS try HT first because swaying will always be here. BUT that having been said, 4-5 years is a mighty long time to wait for HT and if there is any earlthy way to swing it sooner than that, I strongly urge that you do. Time is not your friend when it comes to odds of HT success.

[1+2+3boys]

Thanks Atomic. I sure wish we could do it ASAP but it is the money. I'm only 27 this year and I'd love to do it before 30. I do know the younger the better.
Life is pretty busy right now and we have a few other milestones to reach but once we reach those (hopefully by the end of this year) I will sit down and have a very serious heart to heart with DP about how we need to come up with a plan and act fast. I am lucky that he has agreed but he doesn't know all the facts yet and that the sooner the better. Bless him, he says "We'll get you your girl one day"
But one day needs to be a certain time not in the too distant future.

Lace Princess- I can see myself being fitter in my 30s or even 40s than in my 20s. I was very sporty but stopped after school then became a Mum in my early 20s and since then have not really been using my body to it's fullest potential. I have had other things to worry about! When the boys are bigger I want to be able to play with them and be a threat when versing me in a game! I think it will feel great being fit again.

[LacePrincess]

I didn't realize you were only 27! You have tonnes of time!

[atomic sagebrush]

Unfortunately it matters not how fit you are, how well you are taking care of yourself, etc. It's programmed into us that our fertility declines over time, mostly genetic, partly things that are out of our control (that happened when we were in our mother's and even grandmother's womb, since the egg that is us, was formed in our mother when she was in our grandmother's womb.)

AT 27 you do probably have plenty of time, I just don't like to see anyone wait around when time is of the essence.

[LacePrincess]

Unfortunately it matters not how fit you are, how well you are taking care of yourself, etc. It's programmed into us that our fertility declines over time, mostly genetic, partly things that are out of our control (that happened when we were in our mother's and even grandmother's womb, since the egg that is us, was formed in our mother when she was in our grandmother's womb.)

AT 27 you do probably have plenty of time, I just don't like to see anyone wait around when time is of the essence.

Yah I realize all of that. It's a pity!

I just cling onto the knowledge that my mom had her kids relatively late for her generation (age 32 and 36) and went into perimenopause at around 48 which is avg. My paternal grandmother had 7 children so she was plenty fertile, and I seem to take after my dad's side of the family. So hopefully that is all positive indications!

[1+2+3boys]

It is amazing isn't it thinking that half of you was in your Grandmother for a short time. I think being adopted makes it feel even more amazing. I don't see my bio grandmother much but she is an identical twin and now I have identical twins. I wish I could carry on down that female line. I think that is a part of my gender desire. I love having my boys who are my first blood relatives around me and to have my daughter, knowing that I was carrying the eggs that would be her children (my grandchildren) would be so amazing.

[rubyroo83]

ALWAYS try HT first because swaying will always be here. BUT that having been said, 4-5 years is a mighty long time to wait for HT and if there is any earlthy way to swing it sooner than that, I strongly urge that you do. Time is not your friend when it comes to odds of HT success.

I agree 100%. We will go HT for our baby girl, if after 2 full cycles it fails we will then sway for a girl. It's going to be expensive for us, travelling from Australia. I wish it was legal here
If I end up with 2 boys I will be a bit sad but would rather 2 boys than only 1!

[luckyfourleafclover]

It seems pretty common for the first cycle of ivf to fail. (Am I right?) So, if you spend $20K or more only to get a BFN, how devastating is it? Does it damage your relationship? Do you go through the same depression as you would if you were having a gender opposite? Does it make your GD even more rabid? How do you justify to yourself the large amount of money gone forever? Do clinics do anything to help with this?

I think you are very wise to ask these questions now…I entered into HT thinking I would def be a OHW and I am still on this awful roller coaster now.

[1+2+3boys]

I'm now leaning towards swaying again. I had planned on CR to cycle but did not realise you had to be 35 plus or have fertility issues. Now USA is our only option (DP will not consider the other places) and with the money it would take to save I would be waiting way way longer than I liked.

I am starting to wonder if I do have more chance of getting a daughter via swaying. I have never tried it and my life was one huge boy sway before without me realising it and now I am pretty neutral without consiously trying to change plus I now have a couple of natural things that would help sway pink for me. I see that the girl sway stats are getting better. Maybe even better in a year or so and I can get even better sway advise than what is available right now. Such a hard choice to make. If we had the money it would be HT. I feel mad at my parents like they took my potential daughter away from me because it is hugely their fault that we lost 100s of dollars in our business and now live month to month with hardly any extras. We could have afforded it alot easier otherwise. I wish I could stop being angry about that because it is not going to change now.

I think of myself as TTC number three as far as stats are concerned since with identical twins only one child was concieved who turning into two. I think the stats for famlies of three to have mixed genders was about 50% ? I really can not remember. Can't find the thread

[1+2+3boys]

I think you are very wise to ask these questions now…I entered into HT thinking I would def be a OHW and I am still on this awful roller coaster now.

Sorry to hear about so many cycles that have not worked. I hope this next one works FX