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  1. #1
    IVF Advice Coach
    nuthinbutpink's Avatar
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    To the $100,000 baby girl and her brothers

    To the $100,000 baby girl and her brothers-

    Your mom recently underwent extreme measures to bring you into this world. Not every mom would do that but she did it for you. A lot of people in social media have expressed their disdain for choosing to have a baby electively via IVF and said your mom is “playing God”. I would like to address those people.

    I am a Christian, raised Catholic in fact. I too underwent IVF with PGD to have my son five years ago. There are many, many more like me that have done the same. For everyone that views what we do as “playing God”, as a Christian, why would you assume God is absent during the process? We are taught early on that anything is possible through God if it is His will. Life is a journey and we often do not understand why we are faced with certain tasks in life and His will is revealed to us in His time. I believe this was my path and this is exactly how I was supposed to bring our son into this world.

    When my son was born and I pulled him up onto my chest, I whispered into his ear ‘Where were you? I had to come and find you.’ See, I knew my son was out there waiting for us and I do not know why we had to turn to elective IVF to have him but five years later, it is the best decision we have made for our family. He is joy and our three daughters are better people, will be better partners and more empathetic towards little boys and their fun ways because of him. The bottom line is he is only here because of this technology and the alternative is he never existed. We would not have had another child naturally. My daughters would not have a brother. There is no way we could just “Duggar it out” and keep trying naturally until we had him. We wanted that guarantee and IVF was the only way.

    We “play God” everyday. It is actually a ridiculous statement to think we have that power. Nobody gets to “play God”. When we are sick, we seek medical help because medical help is available and it is the rationale thing to do. Is that not “playing God” by your definition? We pray for those that are ill and need lifting up and if so inclined, we ask for God to intervene and save them. As a Christian, I prayed for our son and prayed for God’s guidance through the IVF process and I assure you He was there with us at each step. If you believe, as I do, if this was not His will, my son would not be here and it is as simple as that.

    Before you judge, understand Gender Desire is a real thing. You may not relate nor understand it but it is very real and I find that most of the people that leave negative comments either have never had children or they have children of both genders. You cannot relate if this is you. If you have a boy and a girl, you cannot relate to how someone feels with gender desire. There are often deep reasons for wanting a chance to raise a son or a daughter and it is not about tutus and footballs. As to the comments about being happy with what we are given, that is just silly. Anybody that has ever worked their way through school, fought for anything they ever desired, or gone back to get a Masters degree was once not satisfied with their station in life and decided to do something about it. It doesn't mean that I am not grateful for what I have been given and I don't have to be satisfied with what I have until I say I am. That is up to ME to decide and not society or social media.

    The other negative comments from families of same gender children are unfortunate. Our choice to have a child this way doesn’t mean there is something wrong with your family makeup and you should not take it personally. I can understand that twinge of jealousy to see someone “getting their girl or boy” after having a few kids of the same gender. Then there are those that say they never wanted the chance to raise both genders. Do you not want a boy or a girl for some deep-rooted reason? I personally cannot understand why everyone wouldn’t want the chance to raise both genders. I find joy in raising both my daughters and my son and cannot imagine life any other way. That’s MY ideal though and that doesn’t mean that it has to be yours.

    To the brothers of the $100,000 baby girl, your mom loves you just as much as she loves your new sister to be. She loved you before you were born and I can assure you that having your sister will actually make your mom appreciate having her sons even more. She will embrace the “boy things” even more and the balance will be a beautiful thing for your entire family. I was never really a fan of pink before I had my son. As a tomboy growing up, I didn’t relish in the fact that girls usually meant dolls, tea parties and lots of pink. My baby showers looked like Pepto Bismal was poured over everything in the room. My only regret is that I did not have the foresight to enjoy my three girls even more from the beginning had I known that I would have a son some day. Each child is a gift. I understand that and your mom does too. My desire for my son and your mom’s desire for your sister does not mean she doesn’t love you just as much. They are two separate things and I am sure if the situation were reversed and she had two daughters first, she would be using IVF to have a son.

    Lastly baby girl, your mom won’t care if you don’t like pink. She won’t care if you don’t like to shop or get your nails done. Perhaps you will love sports and bullfrogs. Perhaps you will love Legos and playing with trucks in the sandbox. It’s all good. She won’t care what you like or what you do. The point is you will be here for her to watch you grow and become whoever you want to be and that is all she ever wanted- the chance for you to be.

    Love to all.
    Last edited by nuthinbutpink; July 12th, 2015 at 06:36 PM.
    Mom to

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    It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did that" than to look back and say "I wish I did that".

    New to IVF/PGD for Family Balancing? Read this- Understanding IVF/PGD- a HT Guide for those New to the IVF/PGD Process

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  2. #2
    Big Dreamer

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    Great post! Adding a deeply wanted child to your family can only be a good thing no matter how it is achieved.

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  4. #3
    Dream Vet

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    Amazingly well written! Couldn't agree more!
    gorgeous DS1

    gorgeous DS2

    Praying and hopefully soon swaying for a precious pink princess to further complete our family

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  6. #4
    Dream Vet

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    Thanks.
    The two last sentences made my eyes water

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  8. #5
    Dream Vet
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    Thanks NBP for taking the time to write this, I'm sure it will resonate with many ladies on here, not least me xx
    2007 2010 2012 2015

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  10. #6
    Dream Vet
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    Simply, thank you. Beautiful and insightful words. Xx
    2 beautiful blue eyed boys who both own my (3 if you count DH!)
    2012 2014

    How strange it is to miss someone who has never existed... but now you are here, I recognised your beautiful face instantly, my little missing puzzle piece 2017

    'No one knows when or how their story ends...' My wonderful mum 2014.

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  12. #7
    Dream Vet

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    Totally agree. Beautifully written and so true. I hope that both the children and the parents in this family read this. I was going to suggest adding it to the 'comments' in the article but that would not do it justice. It should be part of the article. You should definitely add this to your blog. I wish I could show it to everyone IRL to explain how we all feel, and why ht should be accepted and embraced by society.
    THANK YOU

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  14. #8
    Moderator
    Dreamofpink's Avatar
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    This is fantastic! Have you or will you submit it to a newspaper/magazine for publishing?

    Sent from my LG-E400 using Tapatalk 2
    2007 2009 2013 (My VBA2C & sway opposite baby)

    So proud to announce that after many long years of GD our precious DAUGHTER joined us in June 2016!!


  15. #9
    Dream Vet

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    Yes nbp, I agree our voices should be heard, not that everyone will say "Ohhh we get it now!" And embrace it, but this was well written and I hope u consider sending it for publishing.

    Ppl who sway and do HT can be just as religious as those who don't. I am also very religious and my 1st reaction to HT actually was: but u can't play God. Then I came to my senses. He wouldn't have allowed it to be present and I hardly see all these babies being born via IVF or "planned" for that matter, as sinful.

    Polpectomy/Hysteroscopy complete (2 polyps)
    June ER @ HRC
    30 retrieved, 24 mature, 23 fertilized, 17 to biopsy, 5 normal, 2xy!, 1 transferred, 1 frozen
    HB seen at 6w4d!

    I can't believe I did this!

    My HT son
    My family is complete. Baby fever resolved!

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  17. #10
    Big Dreamer

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    Beautifully written .... very nice ...being religious ..calms my mind down when i m swaying for a boy .. best words we dont play God its His guidance which we use to fulfil our desire ...Thank u so much xx

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