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  1. #1
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    Shannshaff's Avatar
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    Going in circles. IVF vs Swaying

    Ugh. I am just driving myself totally nuts thinking about how I am going to get my girl. There is not a day that goes by without me thinking about having a little girl. I LOVE my boys to pieces. They are my life, but I still have such a strong desire for a daughter.

    I was dead set about doing HT/IVF when I was still pg with DS#4. I had a plan to get a bigger house buy the end of this summer and start IVF in the Fall. Now that DS#4 is 6 months old and we are still no closer to moving into a new house, I am wavering. It is a HUGE expense to go the HT route and really we could only scrape together $20-25K for one cycle and maybe 1-2 FETs. That is really not much or realistic since I just turned 40 last week. I am also feeling VERY guilty that I would have to wean DS#4 at around a year old in order to get my pre testing done and do the IVF.

    Then I contemplate which clinic to use. Do I go to Cal with DR. P because of his success rates, or do I go to the local clinic in town that I know nothing about.

    Then I contemplate just purchasing a swaying plan and sticking to it with no cheating, and if I get another boy, then that is what is meant to be. But I know my GD will not go away (it has become so much worse since we lot the twin DDs last year). And I will want to try again. Financially, we just can't keep doing this. And I am getting to old.

    So I am back to HT which is a guarantee of gender, but not guaranteed to work. - Round and round I go. Daily.
    me (42 ) DH (43)
    1995 (gave up for adoption)
    2005 2010 2013 (failed IG sway) July 2015 (swayed, lost his triplet siblings at 11w3d) 2017.

    Swayed for our but had all . Our family is complete.

    My Ovulation Chart

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  3. #2
    IVF Advice Coach
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    At 40, HT is gong to be difficult. Not impossible but really hard. It's hard to know what your chances looks like without knowing your ovarian reserve but once we are near and over 40, the egg quality just isn't there unfortunately. I would go with the least expensive option, whomever that is because realistically, you will need a few tries. NOW, you CAN get lucky and be successful first try...it is possible but it is just a huge unknown and the only way to find out is to try it.

    Did you get pregnant naturally with triplets?
    Mom to

    and my IVF/PGD

    It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did that" than to look back and say "I wish I did that".

    New to IVF/PGD for Family Balancing? Read this- Understanding IVF/PGD- a HT Guide for those New to the IVF/PGD Process

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  5. #3
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    Yes, the triplets were spontaneous and a TOTAL shock. And it only took us 3 cycles to get pg with them while I was BFing DS3.
    me (42 ) DH (43)
    1995 (gave up for adoption)
    2005 2010 2013 (failed IG sway) July 2015 (swayed, lost his triplet siblings at 11w3d) 2017.

    Swayed for our but had all . Our family is complete.

    My Ovulation Chart

  6. #4
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    THe financial hurdle is the biggest thing with IVF. At 40 I think you'd have to give yourself 3 cycles...it's a tough pill to swallow when you're $25k in the hole and no baby to show for it.

    Why not get your testing done and then make the call?
    Sept 2008 & successful boy sway June 2010.
    M/C Oct 2012

    Is DE in my future?

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  8. #5
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    Well, if you can ovulate 3 eggs at 39, HT may be a possibility! If I am you, I try it once to see what happens. If you want a girl, and after 5 boys, I would think you may need HT but the odds of having a girl go up at 40 naturally, HT is the only way to get a guarantee.

    If you want a girl, and not just a baby, do HT and see. You won't know until you try.
    Mom to

    and my IVF/PGD

    It's better to look back on life and say: "I can't believe I did that" than to look back and say "I wish I did that".

    New to IVF/PGD for Family Balancing? Read this- Understanding IVF/PGD- a HT Guide for those New to the IVF/PGD Process

    Need a Natural Swaying Plan? Naturally sway for a boy or a girl- Personalized Swaying Plans

    Become a Dream Member to access the private forums

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  10. #6
    Swaying Advice Coach
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    At 40 the odds of success are just not gonna be stellar. Unless you'd consider donor eggs then I'd either try to be happy with your family as it is or else sway. If money was no object that would be one thing but personally i couldn't just go in knowing I was lighting that money on fire, most likely, if I needed it. That kind of money is a big deal, it's security for you and your family and while we sometimes forget to talk about that angle of it, it is a big deal. I got my daughter naturally and even then that decision, plus a couple bad decisions from my DH (but could just as easily been a broken leg or a sick kid, yk??) put us in a 4 year financial spiral one disaster away from TOTAL disaster that we are only just now coming out of.

    Even if it works, it is really sucky to get your DD and then not really have the $$$ to enjoy her anyway. :/
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

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  11. #7
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    I feel for you here. I am currently pregnant with ds5. I thought I would be able to accept that was my family and thats it but im still longing for my girl and i know the technology is there for me to do it. Im slowly working on hubby to go down the HT route only because its a gaurantee. I really thought we were expecting pink this time. We were lucky enough to get the bigger house but we don't exactly have the funds on hand for HT but im willing (and already do in a way) to work my but off for 1 or 2 cycles. Im hoping my age will help if it ever happens but i also know its no gaurantee.

    Mum to 5 special princes

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  13. #8
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    im 42y.o and just did our second cycle at hrc trying for a boy. we did all together 4 cycles (2 in thailand and 2 at hrc). i have very low amh so i knew our chances were very slim but my hope was just was high and the disappointment can be huge. Its a horrible roller coaster ride. But somehow we get through it. We are now considering swaying, and if any one last shot later in the year at hrc or just a transfer since we have one frozen xx.
    If you wanted any info. re hotels or transport or anything, pls pm me, i would be more than happy to help.
    I wish i had discover genderdreaming earlier, there is so much help and support here-
    it took me three visits to diffferent ivf doctors in australia before one had me in contact with a patient who told me about genderdreaming.
    i wish all the ladies all the best for their desired gender child.
    i was hoping to ask nbp or a.a
    we were able to conceive our first daughter naturally, dd2 through ivf. our ivf doctor that time said that the sperm and egg didnt fertilise naturally so an icis had to be done. we said but we conceive our dd1 naturally, can this be possible? but she didnt go into it, just said icis will solve the problem. Will it be possible for us to sway naturally and cconceive?
    thankyoou

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  15. #9
    Swaying Advice Coach
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    Charcai, it is possible for a couple to be able to TTC normally when younger and then over time they may need ICSI. That having been said most people even with MFI can conceive on their own naturally, but it just may take a lot of time.

    Would you guys consider donor eggs?
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    If you appreciate my help with your sway plan, please consider a donation:

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