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  1. #1
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    Celebrate 2nd Failed Sway - IVF/PGD for 3rd and final baby?

    Hi all,

    I am almost 20 weeks pregnant with my second boy and second failed sway - the first was Shettles and the second was 8 months of diet abstaining, intermittent fasting, ph-balancing, supplements, timing and letrozole.

    While I do have gender disappointment, it's less this time knowing how much I love my current son. I joke with my husband that this second child must have survived a tsunami to exist so I can't wait to meet him. We already have a name picked out that we love. And I truly love that my current son will have a brother close in age. But MAN, did I think this was a girl. Completely different TTC journey, pregnancy, 20 weeks and still gagging. Vomited all through first trimester, leg hair stopped growing. Nothing like my first. Go figure.

    But neither of us want more than three children and I know the longing for a daughter is only growing as my fertile years are passing. I will be a few months shy of 35 when this child is born.

    Husband has agreed to look into setting up an appointment with a fertility clinic to discuss freezing embryos in hopes to complete our family. But the more I research online, those who have experienced IVF/PGD act like anyone who is remotely fertile would be INSANE to pursue it. The cost and temporary pain isn't the concern, but what to do if we don't get enough strong female embryos and what will we do with the male embryos? I always thought I would donate to science but my husband is in the medical field and says he's uncomfortable not knowing how further developed our embryos would get... with the information he knows, I understand the discomfort there. And if we do pursue this, how soon can I look to an egg retrieval after birth?

    So all of that to say, am I insane to pursue this? Are there happy stories? Looking for hope. We had bloodwork done due to having trouble conceiving this time around and my ovarian reserve looked slightly above average for my age, which was promising. I just know that I can't play russian roulette again with a third baby. The thought of experience that GD for the third time, no chance at a daughter and three sons, is honestly too much to take on. I want to try to have a daughter or know that I tried EVERYTHING, and choose to be joyful with my two sons.

    Any advice, personal stories or truthful feedback welcome. Thank you for your time!

  2. #2
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    I'm sorry you didn't get the gender you were hoping for. Having two little boys is pretty special though.

    I am the same age as you and did IVF/PGD this time last year. We got lucky and have some female embryos on ice. We transferred one back in January but she didn't stick. I've yet to do another transfer as we've moved quite far from the clinic and I've had no opportunities yet to go back. As for what to do with male embryos, cross that bridge when you get there. You never know, you might end up with all girls and no boys. With IVF it's best to take things one step at a time and face decisions/challenges as they come instead of worrying about something that may not even be an issue (as a professional worry wart, this helped me a lot ). Personally, I've kept my male embryos frozen for now as it's inexpensive to do so.

    I'm not sure how long you're suppose to wait to do IVF after birth, but from what I've heard, most doctors recommend minimum 6 months to a year. If you breastfeed, you must stop for pretesting then wait for one full cycle and cannot be nursing while doing IVF.

    I don't think you're insane at all for doing this. I think if you know for sure you don't just want another baby, that you want a girl, then you should do it. If you have any questions about the whole IVF process, don't hesitate to ask!
    '12
    '14
    '15 '15 '16
    🌈 '17 (LE sway opposite)

    Dreaming of pink through HT or adoption
    FET January 2021: 1 HBAA XX - BFN

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  4. #3
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    I can't thank you enough for this thoughtful and encouraging response.

    I'm sorry to hear your first transfer didn't stick and glad to hear you have more to try again. You're so right about crossing that bridge when we get there. I always had a feeling I might need to explore science to get our girl but didn't allow myself to do much research until I was in this situation. And now unfortunately... here we are.

    Being in the middle of this experience yourself, are you still glad you are pursuing it? I've thought that even IF it doesn't work for me, I'll be at peace with knowing I did everything I could and there are no "what ifs." The what if's, in my personal experience, are what I ALWAYS try to avoid in my life which is why I swayed not one but twice.

    Thank you for your honestly and vulnerability to share with me. I really, really appreciate your advice and wisdom with your experience.

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  6. #4
    Swaying Advice Coach
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    Can you bump this for me?? I'm getting kind of late in the day and want to give you my best response.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    If you appreciate my help with your sway plan, please consider a donation:

    https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=C92U9TVWTRTDQ

  7. #5
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    Yes, I'm still glad I did IVF. It's one of those things that I wanted to do for so long and can't believe I actually got to do it. I still think about how after baby #2, DH wanted to do IVF for #3 but I chickened out. I sometimes wonder how it would have turned out had I done that instead of swaying. No regrets though because DS3 is a great addition to our family. You could always try IVF and if it doesn't work, either move on and know you tried or attempt swaying (if you feel okay with the possibility of a third boy). I think if you must have that guarantee of a girl, do gender selection.
    '12
    '14
    '15 '15 '16
    🌈 '17 (LE sway opposite)

    Dreaming of pink through HT or adoption
    FET January 2021: 1 HBAA XX - BFN

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  9. #6
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    That's why I'm so down on symptom spotting - it just does not work, and it really sets people up for even bigger disappointment in the end.

    I want to mention about the leftover embryos, that this is a concern many people have - in fact many people are deterred by it. But a whole lot of people don't have ANY leftover embryos and are lucky to get the few they do have. So you may be worried about a problem that will never come to pass anyway. While it makes sense to discuss the options, and have it mostly figured out what to do IF that comes to pass, don't let it mess with your head too much.

    I think given your age and your egg reserve the chances are great you'll be successful. Keep us posted on how it's going and let me know how else I can help!
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    If you appreciate my help with your sway plan, please consider a donation:

    https://www.paypal.com/donate?hosted_button_id=C92U9TVWTRTDQ

  10. #7
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    I think it's hard not to notice differences like vomiting or nausea if you didn't have it before, etc. Even if you tell yourself "this could mean nothing," your subconscious still thinks, "hmm.... this is definitely different!"

    Thank you both for that feedback on embryos. You're exactly right, why worry about something that may never happen. Focus on the initial hoops first - the appointment, the retrieval, staying hopeful and positive while enjoying the present with my boys. I love that attitude from ksmom - we are so lucky to even have the resources to approach IVF/PGD. What an amazing opportunity.

    I guess my last question would be is there anything I could do ahead of time to potentially help my chances of girl embryos, but considering the sperm will determine... would it be more about what DH could do? Outside of that... is there any other favorable prep ahead of time other than staying healthy and hoping for the best?

    TYSM truly! Feeling motivated and proud of myself for being proactive in pursing this dream and keeping options open.

  11. #8
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    I completely understand and that's why I'm so annoying about it - because I do 1000% get how much it can mess with our heads. With my third boy, I did not even have a smidge of gender desire going in, but because I had different symptoms I ended up devastated when "she" was a "he". :/

    Supposedly the olive leaf extract + Vitamin C when taken by your husband is supposed to lead to more girls being conceived. But I am really very far from sold on this. Firstly because of the origin story of the olive leaf...we had a doctor show up here and claim she was doing a big study on OLE and gender outcome, but that was about 10 years ago now, and there has been no study published on it that I'm aware of. And secondly because the way people seem to take it, is that if they take it 2 weeks and have a good gender split, they'll say "oh wow it was totally the OLE" and then other people, they'll take it 6 months and the first 5 months get way more XY, and only the 6th month, they'll get more girls and then say "oh wow it was totally the OLE". Point being, it looks to me like tons of people just take it till they get a favorable gender split and then get their XX at that time from luck, and without a study I can't say for sure if it's really doing anything or if it's coincidence. But at least it doesn't seem harmful if you want to have him try it.

    For your part, you should not do anything to sway, but instead just do whatever you can do to maximize egg quality (without going overboard and taking megadoses of herbs, fish oil, vitamins, etc because that causes more harm than good). Eat right, get reasonable exercise, try to stay rested, that sort of thing. Some people think they should do a sway diet when doing IVF but that is a Big No because you want maxiumum numbers of eggs to hopefully luck your way into a good number of XX.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

    If you appreciate my help with your sway plan, please consider a donation:

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  12. #9
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    THANK YOU for taking the time to share this. Will record this info on my end and have husband take OLE and vitamin C the month of (or maybe two months leading up to?) and we'll just stay healthy and hope for the best.

    Appreciate you! Nice to know the shots and hormonal rollercoaster don't have to be accompanied by additional extremes!

    Baby #2 will be here in early spring and I am going to work on setting up an intro appointment in late spring/early summer so I can enjoy the rest of this pregnancy knowing I'll be stepping into an egg retrieval conversation after I meet this little love.

    Thanks guys -

  13. #10
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    Yes, since sperm does take about 72 days (roughly two months) to form let's do two months in advance and that should cover you.

    Good luck and keep us posted! Don't hesitate to post any supplements you're thinking of taking as not all of them, even when highly recommended, are good. I'm happy to go over anything you're taking.
    !!! Questions?? Check out the NEW and improved Complete Index !!!

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