Scared to have GD again...

[BabyCakesTor]

I have 3 boys... I love them so much, they are my world. I have always wanted a little girl and I am so scared of never having that dream come true!

I was 15 when I got PG with my first son and all I wanted was a blonde haired, blue eyed Lil boy... Dream come true! When I got PG with DS2 I wanted a girl... One boy, one girl done. I was sad and in denial that DS2 was a boy but accepted it and didn't think about GD much after. My ex husband decided 2 was it for him and got snipped. We divorced shortly after, as our marriage wasn't a marriage I wanted to spend the rest of my life unhappy.

Met my husband, got engaged and decided instead of having a nice wedding, we'd have a baby instead. (I want to be done having kids by time I'm 30). DH and I were going through a lot of things a couple months after we got pregnant... Then at 14 weeks them telling me that I was pregnant with 99.9% a boy, I balled my eyes out. I hated my husband for everything that we were going through and to top it off not giving me a daughter I dreamt about. My las Pg was the hardest one in all aspects! Morning sickness throughout, swelling, back problems, you name it i felt it. I was having contractions 7 minutes aparts from 35 weeks til they did the scan at 38 weeks and said he might be 10lbs!!! They finally induced me to find I had Polyhydraamnios (about 9lbs excess amniotic fluid) which is why I was so uncomfortable (aside from him being 9lbs 11oz 22 3/4 long!) I was done... No more kids... Almost made my husband get a vasectomy... But he wouldn't until I we worked everything out and were "US" again (smart man).... Well lately I've been having major baby fever even though our son has been the hardest child of my 3!

He's agreed for one more but only if I can accept having another boy.... I feel that if I sway and try all that I can and still get another boy then I'm meant to be surrounded by boys and I can accept that BUT I am so scared of this being it.... I will never have a daughter and what is worse, not having a daughter or living with the "what if we tried"? I will and LOVE ALL MY KIDS as I'm sure we all do regardless of gender but I think there's just this yearning to have a daughter that I can have a mother-daughter relationship that I wish I could've had with my mother.... All my boys are very attached to me, they are Mamas Boys lol and I love that, I just don't understand why I feel this way. I want a healthy baby but I dream of having a Lil girl! I'm just so scared...


Do I try or do I move on?

[Zivic-Bubac]

Hey sweeti!
I've been torturing myself with same dilemmas. I voted try for daughter bcos I think it's better to regret something you've actually done then to regret something you haven't even tried.

I'm still very, very disappointed and bitter for having my 3rd girl, have hard time to bond with her She should have been a boy, and I should be done, but no.....I'm 40 in a week, how depressing is that?
So bottom line is I HAVE to try one last time to make my dream come true kwim?

Having a baby boy is essential to me and I won't give it up for circumstances in my life. Now if it's another girl? (God forbid!) Then I'll just be a bitter old mom lol! Idk, I have a feeling that my No4 will be

Btw your DS3 was such a big baby, good job mama! You have my dream family of 3 boys

[NCBeachyGrl]

I agree with Zivic...if this is a boy (feeling likely it is) I know I will not be satisfied and will need the hope of having a 4th and trying one last time before I will be happy to give up. I think you have to give it your all or you will always wonder about what could have been.

Zivic - what is your timing for the 4th...how soon do you plan on having another one? My boys are 2 yrs apart and this one will be 5.5 and 3.5 yrs apart from them. I am thinking if we do go for #4, I would want it to happen pretty fast so the age between #3&4 would be 2 yrs or less...

[Zivic-Bubac]

Zivic - what is your timing for the 4th...how soon do you plan on having another one?.

Hey huni! Why do you think it's a boy? I'm getting pink vibes from you! Hope I'm right!

As for the timing...Haven't decided yet, but I'll wean off this baby before new sway, so in a year would be the soonest. I don't want to do anything that can possibly or remotely sway pink.
I prefer bigger age gaps ( can you tell? ) but this time it's not going to be possible bcos of my age
Also I'm skipping November and December, bcos it's a jinx, conceived 2 girls in Dec, 1 in late Nov, I'm not gambling this time lol!

I think I'll start in Jan 2013, so it will be 2 years apart or a bit more.

[wilma_five]

I agree with above but are also asking myself "when do I stop". Where is the point when you decide to take your losses and move on. I will try for six but if that's a boy I just HAVE to stop!

[Zivic-Bubac]

Where is the point when you decide to take your losses and move on.

In my case, that point is my age. If I were younger I would def go for No5, but given my age even this is pushing luck.

I think for the most people the 'stop point' is determined by circumstances like money, space, time or feeling they are done-bcos everyone have 2 ( or 3 or 4 max) or they feel they couldn't handle another baby or for minority(?) lucky ones, bcos they got just what they wanted.

But eventho we don't have enough space and we have 1 small car, not to mention money issues etc, I consider all this to be CIRCUMSTANCES which shoudn't ( or should they?) prevent me from something so ESSENTIAL like bringing another baby to the world.

[LacePrincess]

I agree with above but are also asking myself "when do I stop". Where is the point when you
decide to take your losses and move on. I will try for six but if that's a boy I just HAVE to stop!

It's almost like an addiction, eh? 'Just one more'.....LOL

IMO, you have to set your personal limits based on your energy levels and ability to properly parent X number of children. I don't think using money, space, vehicle capacity limits are such a great idea, because you can always justify why it's ok to break the limit again. After all, you never (ok for normal people anyways) have quite enough money, quite enough house, quite enough time, whether with one child or more.

So I think everyone has a hard limit to their own abilities as a parent. For some of my friends, they can't handle or imagine having more than 2 kids. For us, I said 3 for years but I know in my heart and my gut that my 'real' limit - my capacity to not snap and have a nervous breakdown - is 5. Or at least, five children that are fairly dependent and aren't old enough to be almost entirely self sufficient, which I define as age 13-14 and up.

However, my other caveat is I will not be pregnant past 40. We are not comfortable with the risks. And, we want an empty nest at retirement age so that matters too!

So thing is, I think for us God willing our final tally will be five, and I do feel like even if the next is my dream girl we'll probably go on and have one more, because I like five better than four. Plus, four is an unlucky number for Chinese folks, LMAO. All of this is limited by my age of course, and if we have any infertility issues then we'll call it a day and consider ourselves very blessed indeed.

[Emily]

I'm all for chasing the dream unless it could turn into a nightmare! I have to admit that I am not the most patient of Mums and sometimes hate myself for losing my temper / not giving the attention and understanding that I should to my two boys. I know that 3 children is my limit. Beyond that I just wouldn't be a good Mum - I'd be tetchy, resentful and frazzled.

So, if this bean is blue that will be it for me. I've already dreamt that I'm carrying another boy and it made me really sad. I know that I could cope with a 3rd boy and love him as I would still have some sanity left! 4 children even if one was a girl just doesn't seem possible for me.

We would also struggle financially and I'd feel guilty taking away opportunities like swimming classes, holidays etc from my existing children to chase a dream that might never come true. I know money isn't everything but it is a consideration (I still remember going to school age 9 with second hand shoes on).

I hope I haven't offended anyone by saying how I feel - 3 is my max I'm certainly not judging ladies who have more - in fact I take my hat off to them as I couldn't cope

[LacePrincess]

Oh Emily, I don't think anyone could be offended by what you wrote! That's what I really enjoy about the GD boards, everyone is so respectful of each other and our differences.

But I agree with you that it's all about your own personal limits, and we're all different.

As a boy mom of 3, I can reassure you that if it's DS3 for you he will be very, very special. I bonded SO HARD with DS3, and this is the baby that had AFP markers come back and we actually had 'that talk' about whether we would consider termination if there was something wrong. At one point I even admitted to DH that it would be easier to consider termination since he wasn't my DG, and I'm very, very ashamed to admit I even thought that. But in the end we didn't go for the amnio, decided we were keeping the baby no matter what was wrong with him, and it turned out he was perfectly healthy anyways. Everyday I am grateful and so thankful we never did the amnio.

Anyways, my point is, three is plenty and five for most people is nuts, LMAO. But they do get a lot easier when they're older. People wonder how I cope and I tell them DS3 is like 90% of the work, especially now that he's in his Terrible Threes tantrum stage. Uggggggh.

[NCBeachyGrl]

Hey huni! Why do you think it's a boy? I'm getting pink vibes from you! Hope I'm right

I hope you are right too but tech guessed boy at NT scan, everyone on IG guessed boy, and had some strong boy guesses on here with my nub pics!