Gender disappointment...again.

[m0m0f3b0ys]

Hi there,

I've used a GD forum site 2.5 years ago, when I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd boy. I hit an intense depression. I was upset that I was pregnant again & had I known it'd be a boy, I never would have bothered. I had feelings of strong dislike and regret toward the baby the remainder of my pregnancy, even though I was thankful internally that I was able to have a baby to begin with, as I know others aren't able to, but I still had a very hard time getting over the fact that I wasn't having a girl. I'm so envious of all the pink. It has taken me this long, to not be as angry and accept that I have boys only. Don't get my wrong, the moment my sweet little boy was born, it was instant love and he's been my best friend ever since. I wouldn't trade him for all the girls in the world. I still feel jealous and annoyed when other friends have girls and for awhile, couldn't even congratulate acquaintances on facebook for their new pink miracle. I had a nemesis in high school (I'm now 28), but over the last year and some off months, her and I have become best friends. She has 2 boys of her own and until today, was pregnant with her 3rd baby, gender unknown. We for sure thought it was a boy. We've been prepping for her "boy" this whole time. We've called it 'our baby' the entire pregnancy. I just found out 2 hours ago, that she had a little girl. As happy as I am for my friend, I've been crying on and off and I feel like such a terrible friend..not to mention, extremely irrational. It feels like finding out Cole was a boy all over again. I feel like I'm a raging pit of envy and I just need some reassurance that this is normal. I need to know that I'm not awful for these feelings.. Obviously, I'm happy for her, I truly am.. but I never once prepped myself for this, or maybe I was in denial and refused to believe the possibility for her to have a girl was there, considering she already has two boys. Oh, sigh..

[jilliciousca]

Sorry to hear about your news. Its a tough thing when your heart is set on something and you have no control over the outcome. Dont worry about your longing for a girl being somewhat displaced on your friends pink bundle, its totally natural to think "its not fair" or wonder why others get easily what you want. Its also unsatisfying to know you will never get an answer and that alone causes a range of emotions. Just feel what your feeling w/out judging or being critical of yourself for your feelings. This is your journey and your life and you had experiences that swayed your desires for a girl, so no one should judge you - including yourself. Just keep reminding yourself that "life is all about how you handle Plan B." I feel for you, I do and I hope in the future something amazing happens that makes you go "OK, now I know why I got this little boy placed in my life!"
But until then...
HUGS!

[atomic sagebrush]

I am so sorry - I totally understand how you're feeling and wish you peace.

[babygirl]

i understand how you feel big huggs

[2boysJustOneGirl]

I know how you feel. I have lost friends over pure jealousy of not getting a daughter while others do. You are not alone.


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[emmake]

I know exactly how you feel, you can count on us here on this board, we know what you've been through.... I recently refused going to a babyshow of one of my friends who is happy to have another girl, like me she only wanted daughters and she easily got what she wanted... this is certainly not granted to everyone. Big hugs xxx

[R_Now]

I am 43 and pregnant with my first child. I had only ever imagined having a girl if I were to have any children at all, I have two sisters and 3 nieces after all. When receiving the results for my MaterniT21 test I was told the baby had no chromosomal abnormalities and that it was a boy. I could not stop crying for two days. It was if I did not even hear her say that he was healthy. At my age, this news should have been the relief of all times. I was able to conceive naturally and get pregnant with a healthy baby. I realized in my head how irrational I was being and how so many women would give anything for my situation, yet I could not stop crying and wondering what I got myself into. I wished I had not ever been able to conceive, and that made me feel extreme guilt. I tried retail therapy, reading gender disappointment boards, talking to friends, announcing my pregnancy, nothing helped. My husband wanted to send me to counseling as he just could not understand what I was going through.

A few days later, when we went to sell my motorcycle at the dealer, I saw a tiny dirt bike with training wheels and suddenly I was over my gender disappointment and started to think about all the things I would be able to enjoy with my boy until...

A friend of mine, who I had confided my gender disappointment to and who was also recently pregnant and wanting a girl, found out her wish had been granted. That was yesterday, and since then I have been crying all over again. I hope that this too will pass. I still have 4 months to go until he is born. I just keep reading on these boards and waiting for that to happen.

[2boysJustOneGirl]

There will always be baby girls being born and I am sure it will always hurt a bit. Sometimes I get angry thinking of the frightful women bearing daughters who could be possible wives for my boys! What kind of women will be around for them? I guess it goes both ways. What kind of men will I raise?


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[Sweet mummy]

I feel your pain...a "friend" of mine who after two boys swore she was done having kids just had a baby girl... no sway or anything sigh! I haven't even got AF as yet so can't even try to sway!

Anyway, just today we went to a party and one of the mums there had three girls and funnily she gravitated towards me and my two messy boys and said in envy "Gosh I'd love a boy!" I sat there grinning thinking wow just five minutes ago I was envious of her and her three precious little darlings in pink, while after seeing my two running around recklessly after copious amounts of sugar she was envious of ME!

We go about envious of others when sometimes we don't realise sometimes we're living someone else's dream too! Chin up love... he is going to be your little man forever and protect his mama xx

[2boysJustOneGirl]

I too had a friend who accidentally got pregnant the exact time I was pregnant with DS#2. She got a girl. I seriously hate her now. I know it's not fair to feel that way, but the jealousy takes right over and I just can't stand to even see her little baby girl. I have started to avoid many friends with daughters to protect my aching heart. And all that does is isolate me and make me feel worse.


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